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46Quotes from ‘A Loaf of Bread and a Grand Old Flag’

A Loaf of Bread and a Grand Old Flag

216. A Loaf of Bread and a Grand Old Flag

Aired February 21, 2019

When Sheldon learns that the recipe of his favorite bread has been altered, he campaigns to reverse the change and unintentionally winds up at the center of a political storm. Meanwhile, Georgie tries to just be friends with Veronica after her boyfriend dumps her.

Quote from Sheldon

Tam: Are the goggles necessary?
Sheldon: No, but they really set the mood.

Quote from Missy

Mary: Shelly, it's probably just your taste buds changing as you get older.
Sheldon: But I don't like change.
Missy: Then you're gonna hate puberty.

Quote from Sheldon

Mary: Sheldon, hang up the phone. It's dinner time.
Sheldon: Be right there, Mom.I'm do ing battle with corporate America.

Quote from George Jr.

Veronica: I thought Dustin was different. I thought he wanted to live a Christian life like me. But all he wanted is what every guy wants.
George Jr.: [SCOFFS] Guys.
Veronica: Oh, please, you're all the same.
George Jr.: Hey. You rejected me, you punched me in the face, and I'm still here. Happy eating waffles with you.
Veronica: Georgie, do you really think you're capable of just being my friend?
George Jr.: That's a good question. My brain says yes.
Veronica: What about the rest of you?
George Jr.: Honestly, I wouldn't trust it.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I was shocked to learn that the Happy Hearth Home Bakeries had been bought out by the Domestic Food Corporation, and they started making their bread faster and cheaper.
Anchor: And you don't like that, do you?
Sheldon: No.
Anchor: And you're collecting signatures to make them stop.
Sheldon: I am. Corporations shouldn't be allowed to make these decisions on their own.
Anchor: Well, who should?
Sheldon: The people who eat the bread. This wouldn't happen if there were centralized control over all these big corporations.
Anchor: Are you suggesting a communist form of government in Texas?
Sheldon: I suppose I am.
Meemaw: Hang on a sec-
Anchor: There you have it. Local boy Sheldon Cooper says communism is what Texas needs.
George Sr.: Oh, dear God.

Quote from Mary

Mary: Not a good time, Brenda.
Brenda Sparks: I don't want your boy playing with my boy anymore.
Mary: Excuse me? [PHONE RINGING] Someone get that.
Brenda Sparks: I just saw Sheldon on the news. He doesn't need to be filling Billy's head with crazy commie ideas.
Mary: Crazier than sitting on an egg and trying to hatch it? 'Cause I saw your precious son do that the other day.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Yes, I do understand we're in the middle of a cold war. But have you seen how many people wait in line for bread in Moscow? It stands to reason their bread must be great.

Quote from George Jr.

George Jr.: You sure you want to be seen with me?
Veronica: Oh, please. You're not a commie.
George Jr.: Everyone else seems to think I am.
Veronica: Do you even know what a communist is?
George Jr.: Yeah. It's the big blond guy Rocky fights in Rocky IV. And he also fights them when he's Rambo.
Veronica: [CHUCKLES] That's it?
George Jr.: Well, I know in every movie it looks like the commies are gonna win, but they don't. You ever seen any Rocky movies?
Veronica: Um, I saw Rocky II.
George Jr.: That's the second one.

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: I'd like to tell you a story about a time I was right. Now, I'm sure you're thinking, "But, Sheldon, you're never wrong." And you'd be right. But it's worth taking a closer look at this particular incident. Because it began with a loaf of bread, and ended with me and my family almost being kicked out of the United States of America.

Quote from Tam

Sheldon: Uh-oh.
Tam: What's the matter?
Sheldon: Something's wrong with my sandwich.
Tam: Did it go bad?
Sheldon: No. It just tastes different.
Tam: If you don't want it, I'll trade you for my dumplings.
Sheldon: I'm already unhappy. Do you really think dumplings will fix the problem?
Tam: It'll fix my problem. I'm sick of dumplings.

Quote from Mary

Mary: Mary Cooper, how may I bless you?
Sheldon: Hello, Mom?
Mary: Sheldon? Everything okay?
Sheldon: No.
Mary: What's wrong? What happened?
Sheldon: My sandwich tastes different.
Mary: You know you're not supposed to call unless it's an emergency.
Sheldon: I'm well aware. So what did you change?
Mary: I didn't change anything. Same bread, same peanut butter, same jelly.
Sheldon: Did you use one knife for the PB and the J?
Mary: No.
Sheldon: Are you sure?
Mary: That was one time two years ago, and all the other knives were dirty.
Sheldon: It was 14 months and 11 days ago. When we made the big switch from Wonder Bread.
Mary: Oh, how could I forget?

Quote from Sheldon

Mary: Sheldon, I didn't change anything. Can I get back to work now?
Sheldon: I suppose so.
Mary: Thank you. Bye.
Sheldon: Don't I get an "I love you"?
Mary: I love you.
Sheldon: One more time, with a little more energy. [dial tone] Must've been disconnected.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Okay, subject "A," jelly. That's definitely strawberry and definitely Smuckers. Subject "B." That's Jif all right. Creamy and delicious.
Tam: It must be the bread.
Sheldon: Hold on. This is a scientific experiment. We can't make assumptions. Subject "C." It's the bread.

Quote from Sheldon

Mary: See? Happy Hearth Home Bakeries, just like always.
Sheldon: Well, something is rotten in the state of Denmark.
Mary: What?
Sheldon: That's Shakespeare, Mom.
Mary: Great.

Quote from Missy

Mary: Missy, did your sandwich taste different today?
Missy: Couldn't tell you. I traded it for a Ding Dong.

Quote from Tam

Sheldon: Excuse me, sir. Has anything changed with the bread from the Happy Hearth Home Bakeries?
Jared: I have no idea.
Sheldon: How can you not know? You work here.
Jared: What do you want from me? I get $3.35 an hour to stock shelves.
Tam: Are you kidding? My father pays me five dollars a week. I bet they're violating child labor laws.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I'm sorry, Pete. You were saying?
Pete: Any chance your bread was past the expiration date?
Sheldon: No, it was brand-new. But I did a taste comparison after it was bought out by the Domestic Food Corporation, and they are definitely not the same.
Pete: Well, I can assure you that, "the recent acquisition by the Domestic Food Corporation has not affected the quality of our products in any way. Every single bread, baked good, and pastry is made with love. From our hearth to your home."
Sheldon: Then why does it taste different, Pete? Why?
Pete: Well, because now we make everything really cheap and fast. Bye.

Quote from Meemaw

Meemaw: I hate to say it. But everybody's way out is at the other set of doors.
Sheldon: I have noticed. Why do you think that is?
Meemaw: Cowards. The whole bunch of 'em.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Mr. Givens!
Mr. Givens: [SIGHS] Hello, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Meemaw, this is my science teacher, Mr. Givens.
Meemaw: Nice to meet ya.
Mr. Givens: Hi.
Sheldon: This is strange, I never think of you as existing outside of school.
Mr. Givens: Well, it turns out I do.
Sheldon: And you're here buying food.
Mr. Givens: I am.
Sheldon: Fascinating.

Quote from Sheldon

Mr. Givens: All right. Well, I'll see you on Monday.
Sheldon: Wait. Would you like to sign my petition against Happy Hearth Home Bakeries?
Mr. Givens: Well, what have they done?
Sheldon: They're making their bread faster and cheaper to save money.
Mr. Givens: That's terrible.
Sheldon: It is. Would you like to sign?
Mr. Givens: I would.
Sheldon: Excellent.
Mr. Givens: I'll get you on the way out.
Sheldon: Thank you. Well, that's one.
Meemaw: Yeah.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: No, we have to wait for Channel 7 news.
Meemaw: Channel 7?
Sheldon: Yes. I called them this morning and told them there was a human interest story at the supermarket.
Meemaw: What story?
Sheldon: Classic Americana. Little guy versus corporate greed.

Quote from Sheldon

Meemaw: Honey, Channel 7 is not coming.
Anchor: [HORN HONKS] You Sheldon Cooper?
Sheldon: Yes, ma'am.
Meemaw: You got to be kidding me.
Sheldon: How's my hair look?

Quote from Sheldon

Mary: Calm down. It was just the 4:00 news. I'm sure no one saw it.
Sheldon: I hope a lot of people saw it and Happy Hearth is forced to give our country good bread again.

Quote from George Sr.

George Sr.: Who you talking to?
Sheldon: A reporter from Time magazine.
George Sr.: No! He didn't mean it. God bless America.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Well, have a great day, Georgie.
George Jr.: A great day? Are you out of your mind? Our lives are over.
Sheldon: Well, you'll never have a great day with that attitude.

Quote from Tam

Tam: Look, you made my mom's note.
Sheldon: "Don't talk to Sheldon. Mom." That's fine. I usually do most of the talking.
Tam: Yes, you do.

Quote from Meemaw

Meemaw: [singing] You're a grand old flag, You're a high-flying flag, And forever in peace may you wave, You're the emblem of the land I love, The home of the free.

Quote from Meemaw

Meemaw: [singing] My country, 'tis of thee, Sweet land of liberty, Of thee I sing, Land where our fathers died, la- Sing along - Land of the pilgrims' pride.

Quote from Meemaw

Meemaw: [singing] Oh, say, does that star-spangled banner, Yet wave-

Quote from Sheldon

George Sr.: Thanks for having me on.
Anchor: You're welcome. Now, I understand you wanted to set the record straight regarding your son's communism.
George Sr.: Yes. N-No! He's not a communist. He's ten years old. Listen, I fought for this country.
I love this country. My kids love this country. Isn't that right, Sheldon?
Sheldon: Yes. Although, in all fairness, the Social Security system is a form of-
George Sr.: You love this country!
Sheldon: I love this country.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Well, my mother didn't do anything differently.
Tam: Are you gonna eat it?
Sheldon: Better. I'm going to do science on it.
Tam: I would eat it.

Quote from George Jr.

Veronica: Dustin broke up with me.
George Jr.: What?
Veronica: He said I was immature.
George Jr.: Is he crazy? Everything about you screams womanhood.

Quote from George Sr.

Mary: Your sandwich is exactly the same, Sheldon.
George Sr.: What's going on?
Sheldon: This bread is different.
George Sr.: Let me see. You know, he might be right. [Mary hits George] Ow.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: She wasn't wrong. Studies do support that your sense of taste changes over time.
Tam: So the bread's the same and you're different?
Sheldon: Apparently so. Nope, it's the bread.

Quote from George Jr.

George Jr.: Hi. I was wondering if you wanted to grab a bite to eat at the Waffle House? Not like a date. But as someone who recently had his heart broke, I think I could help.
Veronica: Who broke your heart?
George Jr.: You did.
Veronica: Oh. Yeah.
George Jr.: I'm just saying, I know what you're going through. So if you need a friend with a pocket full of waffle money.

Quote from Tam

Tam: Look at these prices. No wonder supermarkets are running my parents out of business.
Sheldon: Your parents own a convenience store. They charge extra for the convenience.
Tam: How is this not convenient?

Quote from Sheldon

Pete: Happy Hearth Home Bakeries, this is Pete. How can I help you?
Sheldon: Hello, Pete. My name is Sheldon Cooper, and I would like to know what changed in your white sandwich loaf to make it taste different?

Quote from George Sr.

George Sr.: Who you talking to? That Veronica girl?
George Jr.: Yeah.
George Sr.: What's going on with that?
George Jr.: Nothing. We're just friends.
George Sr.: Okay. You ever want to run any of this stuff by me, I'm here for you.
George Jr.: Why would I want to run it by you?
George Sr.: Well, I was once a 15-year-old boy. I know what it's like to have strong feelings for a girl.
George Jr.: Gross. I'm not gonna talk to you about this.
George Sr.: I-I saw that kid on Who's the Boss talk to Tony Danza about his problems.
George Jr.: They're not related. This is totally different.
George Sr.: Damn it, Georgie, you could flush once in a while.

Quote from Meemaw

Meemaw: How many is that?
Sheldon: 13.
Meemaw: A baker's dozen. What do you say we pack up and head outta here?

Quote from George Sr.

George Sr.: No! No more bread. No more country. No more talking.

Quote from Meemaw

Meemaw: Excuse me.
Mary: Where are you going?
Meemaw: I'm gonna go put up an American flag in front of my house.

Quote from Billy Sparks

Brenda Sparks: Oh, so you're spying on us. Good to know.

Quote from George Sr.

Principal Petersen: Guess what I've been getting a lot of calls about today.
George Sr.: I know it looks bad, but we're handling it. It-It'll all blow over.
Principal Petersen: I'm sorry, George, but I can't have a suspected communist coaching our boys.
George Sr.: Whoa, Tom. I'm not I love my country. This is just Sheldon getting bent out of shape over a loaf of bread.
Principal Petersen: Well, this bread better be worth you losing your job.
George Sr.: Now, hang on. G-Give me a chance to fix it. Please.
Principal Petersen: All right, George. But if I hear from one more angry parent-
George Sr.: Thank you. Thank you. [PHONE RINGS] He's not here.

Quote from Mary

Pastor Jeff: Mary, you understand these people are atheists.
Mary: I get it. They're not my people. You're my people.
Pastor Jeff: Then what's this all about?
Mary: My son just wanted a better sandwich. Why is this so hard for y'all to understand?!

Quote from Meemaw

Meemaw: [singing] From the mountains, To the prairies, To the oceans white with foam, God bless America, Our home sweet home-
Man: Pinko!
Meemaw: Screw you! [singing] God bless America!

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I have something important that I'd like to say. These last few days, I've been giving the new Happy Hearth bread another chance, and I've decided it's not so bad. Also, it toasts well. So, I'm going to say that's a sign of personal growth on my part. In fact, let's call it maturity. Still not talking to me, huh? Well I'll check back in tomorrow.

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