Meemaw: Hello?
Dr. John Sturgis: Did you know that word "hello" wasn't used as a greeting - until the invention of the telephone?
Meemaw: Hi, John.
Dr. John Sturgis: To end a phone call, it was suggested to say, "That is all."
Meemaw: Is that all, John?
Dr. John Sturgis: No, I wanted to invite you to dinner tomorrow night.
Meemaw: Great. Where we going?
Dr. John Sturgis: I can't tell you that. It's a surprise.
Meemaw: You want to give me a clue so I'll know how to dress?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, dress as if you were going to a Mexican restaurant.
Meemaw: Oh, we're going to Puerta Roja.
Dr. John Sturgis: I can't tell you that, it would ruin the surprise.
Meemaw: John, you do realize that I'll be the one driving us there.
Dr. John Sturgis: Fine, we're going to Puerta Roja, but everything else is a surprise. That is all!

George: You mind putting down my kid?
Clint Watson: We were just playing around.
Veronica: This is my mom's boyfriend, Clint.
George: Hello, Clint. What can we do for you?
Clint Watson: I'm here to pick up Veronica. Come on.
George: You want to go with this man?
Veronica: No, sir.
George: You heard her. Thanks for stopping by.
Clint Watson: You really want to mess with me?
George: Sure. Why not?
[THUDDING OUTSIDE]
Mary: What's going on out there?
George: You might want to call the police.
Mary: Why?
George: There's a bum sleeping on our front porch.

Meemaw: John, I've already been married once. I wasn't really planning on ever doing it again.
Dr. John Sturgis: Why not?
Meemaw: I was somebody's wife for a long time. I just like being Connie Tucker now. Not Mrs somebody else's name.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, what if I took your name? John Tucker, it sounds great. Like a football player or an astronaut.

Dr. John Sturgis: [recorded message] Greetings. You've reached Dr. John Sturgis. Leave a message and I'll be in touch. Thank you very much. Hey, that rhymed.

Mary: And while she's here, I expect y'all to be on your best behavior.
Georgie: Why are you looking at me?
Mary: Was I?
Georgie: Yeah, and you still are.

Sheldon: Are you wearing cologne?
Georgie: No.
Sheldon: Georgie, I have the olfactory senses of a polar bear. They can smell a seal through three feet of ice.

Veronica: Is there anything else?
Sheldon: There is, but I'm not allowed to ask about it.
Veronica: Oh, it's okay. You can ask me anything.
Sheldon: Oh, good. I don't like cats, but I share their curious nature.

Mary: Oh, Mom. If you're sleeping with the man, you should be married to him.
Meemaw: Why do I come here? I got to find a cooler chick to talk to.

George: What's going on?
Mary: Her mother's boyfriend has a drinking problem, and things have been getting out of hand.
George: You waited till I had a beer to tell me this story, didn't you?
Mary: You always have a beer.

Dr. John Sturgis: I'm recreating our first date! The same restaurant, the same table, the same jacket. Different eyelashes, though, because they regenerate every two to three months.
Meemaw: Mine are the same, actually. They're fake.

Georgie: I also hung a cross over the bed for you. It's just Popsicle sticks and glitter. I glued it together in Sunday school when I was a kid. [Veronica starts crying] Is-is it too much? I can take it down.
Veronica: [SNIFFLES] No, it's it's really sweet.
Sheldon: Why are you crying? Did Georgie bring up your unfortunate home life?
Veronica: Uh, no.
Sheldon: Good. My mom said not to, so that you would be comfortable.
Veronica: Thank you.
Sheldon: [staring] Are you comfortable?

Meemaw: Well, we're not getting married any time soon.
Sheldon: You should. You're old; you don't have many years left.
Meemaw: I really need to meet a whole new group of people.

Dr. John Sturgis: What's this? "Connie Tucker is proud to announce that she is sweet on Dr. John Sturgis and they are officially a romantic couple." Oh, boy! I'm back in business!

Mary: You know that Veronica Duncan girl?
George: The one that Georgie likes?
Mary: Yeah. I was thinking about having her stay here for a couple days.
George: Is it Georgie's birthday or something?
Mary: No!

Richard Simmons: [on the TV] Let's sweat!
Meemaw: I plan on it, Richard.