Adult Sheldon: I didn't realize until years later that my father was only asking questions about lightning and thunder to cheer me up. In fact, he would often pretend to be dumb just to make me feel better.

Adult Sheldon: I never did get to see a launch in person, but that was the best trip I ever had. I wish I had told my father while he was alive.

Mary: Wait, Georgie. Where's your bag?
George Jr.: Don't need one. Got my toothbrush right here.
Mary: What about clothes? A change of underwear?
George Jr.: Got it.
Mary: Georgie, you're gonna be gone for two days.
George Jr.: I'll turn them inside out.

Sheldon: I wonder if we'll get to meet an astronaut.
Meemaw: I remember when I was a teenager, I had the biggest crush on John Glenn. I would've given it up for him no problem.
Mary: Mom.
Missy: Given what up?
Mary: Her allowance. Just eat.

Mary: You're a good dad.
George Sr.: If I don't kill one of them before Sunday, I'm a good dad.

George Sr.: Can I tell you a secret? I never understood how lightning works.
Sheldon: Didn't they teach you that in high school?
George Sr.: They probably did, but I got hit in the head a lot playing football. Would you explain it to me?
Sheldon: Well, when positive and negative charges grow large enough, a giant spark occurs in the cloud.
George Sr.: Ah, that-that's pretty cool. What causes the thunder?
Sheldon: It's a shock wave from particles heated to 10,000 degrees.
George Sr.: Interesting.
Sheldon: You want to know what's really interesting? Aristotle thought that the sound of thunder was due to a collision between two clouds. He believed the clouds were expelling air, in the way a log on a fire crackles-

Adult Sheldon: My plan was coming together. I just needed to get on the shuttle so I could finally escape this ridiculous planet. Spoiler alert, I'm still here.

Sheldon: Schrodinger's cat is a thought experiment. A cat in a box is exposed to poison, and is both alive and dead until it is observed.
George Jr.: So the cat's name is Schrodinger?
Sheldon: No.
George Jr.: Well, what's its name?
Sheldon: Its name doesn't matter.
George Jr.: It does if the cat was dead. Otherwise, what are you gonna put on his tombstone?
George Sr.: Not likely the cat's getting a tombstone.
George Jr.: It would in a pet cemetery.

Sheldon: Dad? Dad? Dad? - Dad.
George Sr.: What?
Sheldon: Georgie keeps kicking me.
George Sr.: Kick him back.
Sheldon: I'd rather not touch him.

[Sheldon, George Sr. and Georgie in a tent]
Sheldon: Moth! Moth!
George Sr.: Sheldon, it's just a butterfly.
Sheldon: How is that any better? Butterfly, butterfly!

[After Sheldon catches a fish]
Sheldon: Get it away, get it away!
George Sr.: Calm down, it's an itty-bitty thing.
Sheldon: No, I'm an itty-bitty thing!

Mary: Your hair's not changing color.
Missy: Aw.
Meemaw: Sorry, kiddo. Your mom is no fun.
Mary: Excuse me, I'm fun.
Missy: So I can color my hair?
Mary: Not a chance. But I'm very much fun.
Meemaw: Whatever you need to believe. Mein Fuhrer.

Missy: How come I don't get to go?
Mary: 'Cause you, me and Meemaw are gonna have our own fun.
Missy: Could we shoot guns at the gun range?
Mary: Mm, you're too young to go to the gun range.
Missy: Meemaw took me.
Meemaw: We pinky swore. What are you doing?
Missy: Oh, yeah. Don't listen to me. I don't know what I'm saying.

George Jr.: Looks like rain.
Adult Sheldon: My brother, on the other hand, didn't have to pretend.

Sheldon: There is the launching of the space shuttle this weekend.
George Sr.: Space shuttle? Don't they do those out of Florida?
Sheldon: Yes. Cape Canaveral.
George Sr.: Sheldon, that's-that's like a 12, 15 hour drive.
Sheldon: I understand. Never mind.
George Sr.: You know what? Let's do it. It'll be fun. The three Cooper boys on a little adventure. Sound good?
Sheldon: Sounds good.

George Sr.: Yeah, I was thinking along the lines of something a little more active. Like last year, we went fishing-
Sheldon: Mom! Dad's trying to make me go fishing!
George Sr.: No, no, it's okay. We're not going fishing.
Sheldon: All right, good. But seriously, was fishing really that bad?
Sheldon: Mom! Dad's trying to convince me that fishing wasn't that bad!

George Sr.: Hey, we got any plans this weekend?
Mary: I thought maybe we could get started on the vegetable garden, and then, of course, church on Sunday.
George Sr.: Yeah, that does sound fun, but what if, instead, I was to go up to Bethy Creek with Georgie and do some fishing?
Mary: How long you been waiting to spring that on me?
George Sr.: Well, not till I was done rotating my hips.
Mary: You're awful.

Sheldon: The toilet was sanitized for my protection. I love this place.

George Jr.: Oh, dead crow. There ain't no doubt about that one.

Mary: Now, come on, let's tuck you in.
Missy: I'm glad I don't have orange hair.
Mary: Me, too, baby.
Missy: I want to be more like Madonna.
Mary: Are you trying to kill me? 'Cause if you are, good job.
Missy: Why is she only like a virgin?
Mary: Good night!

Sheldon: Huh, both alive and dead, just like Schrodinger's cat.
George Sr.: I didn't know he had a cat.
Sheldon: You've heard of Schrodinger?
George Sr.: Sure. It's the kid from Charlie Brown who plays the piano. Lucy's got a crush on him.

Sheldon: This is a terrible driving game.
George Sr.: Is it roadkill if it's still twitchin'?

Missy: My head is so hot!
Meemaw: She is such a hoot.

Sheldon: Dad?
George Sr.: Yeah?
Sheldon: Would you like to have a conversation?
George Sr.: Yeah. Sure. Absolutely.
Sheldon: All right, what would you like to talk about?
George Sr.: Um, well, let's see. Uh, have you given much thought to what you want to be when you grow up?
Sheldon: I have.
George Sr.: Great. ... And what would that be?
Sheldon: Oh, most likely a scientist. Unless I stay in Texas, then I'm thinking cattle baron.
George Sr.: Cattle baron?
Sheldon: Assuming I don't have to touch the cows.
George Sr.: Goes without saying.

Mary: Isn't this exciting? It's just us girls, no boys in the house.
Meemaw: The place already smells better.

George Sr.: I thought you didn't like taking the Lord's name in vain?
Mary: Oh, shut up.
George Sr.: It's been a while, huh?
Mary: Don't blame me. You're the one who had a heart attack.
George Sr.: Mm, the doctor did say I needed to get more exercise.
Mary: I think he meant walks around the block.
George Sr.: No, he winked at me, and did this little rotation with his hips.

Mary: Who says you have to take him fishing? Find something else to do with him. Something he'd like.
George Sr.: What are we gonna do? Spend the weekend sitting around, thinking?

Mary: George, you have to make an effort. Young boys who don't spend time with their daddies grow up to be oddballs.
George Sr.: Honey, I hate to tell you, but that ball is already pretty odd.

George Sr.: So, Sheldon, me and Georgie are gonna take a little road trip this weekend, see the shuttle launch.
George Jr.: Looks like I don't get a vote in this.
George Sr.: Oh, good, you're catching on.

Mary: I know you like to just keep driving, and get where you're going, but you can't ignore his bathroom schedule.
George Sr.: I know.
Mary: He goes number one first thing in the morning, then again in the afternoon, once more in the late afternoon, say 4:00/4:30, depending on his juice intake, and then, a quick piddle before bedtime.
George Sr.: "Piddle". Got it.
Mary: Now, number two's a little trickier.

Mary: Okay, let's talk about food.
George Sr.: No need to. He likes his meat cooked to at least 165 degrees, except for chicken which is 180. The different foods can't touch each other on the plate. Ketchup and mustard must come out of a packet. No bottles.
Mary: What about his issues with spaghetti?
George Sr.: That's a trick question. He likes spaghetti.

Mary: What's going on?
George Sr.: I can't find Sheldon.
Mary: What do you mean, you can't find him?
George Sr.: I mean I don't know where he is.
Mary: Well, he's got to be somewhere.
George Sr.: Maybe he got that time machine to work.

Missy: So what are we gonna do?
Mary: How would you like to go to the beauty salon and get all done up?
Missy: Can I have orange hair like Cyndi Lauper?
Mary: I don't think so.
Missy: Meemaw has friends with blue hair.
Meemaw: She's right. I haven't gone there yet, but after a certain age, it's mandatory.

George Sr.: Mary? Relax. I can take care of my son.
Mary: I know.
George Sr.: Good.
Mary: I'm just saying, if he's upset or nervous, he can get all clogged up.
George Sr.: I won't let that happen.

Meemaw: You think I didn't feel bad not being around more than I wanted to be?
Mary: Did you?
Meemaw: A little bit. I'm teasing, come on.

George Sr.: Buddy, I thought we had a plan.
Sheldon: You had a plan.

George Sr.: Okay, here we go. One, two-
Sheldon: I still think we should wait till the rain slows down.
George Sr.: No, we got to get home. I got work tomorrow, you guys got school.
Sheldon: You do realize I'll get wet?
George Sr.: It's just water, Sheldon.
Sheldon: All right. Just making sure you realize.

Sheldon: Did you always want to be a football coach?
George Sr.: Well, I always wanted to play. At least till I got hurt.
Sheldon: Mm. Were you a good player?
George Sr.: Eh, not really. I was just bigger than the other kids.
Sheldon: So you compensated for mediocrity by being large.
George Sr.: I guess.
Sheldon: That works for cattle as well.
George Sr.: Oh, well, thanks for pointing that out.
Sheldon: You're welcome.

George Jr.: You might want to open a window.
George Sr.: Oh, boy.

George Sr.: Hey, pal. Playing with your rockets?
Sheldon: I'm trying to calculate ballistic coefficients.
George Sr.: Well, that's fun, too.

George Sr.: You want to sleep with me?
Sheldon: Yes, thank you.
George Sr.: Yeah. Got enough room?
Sheldon: Yes. You throw off a lot of heat.
George Sr.: Sorry.
Sheldon: That's all right. It's kind of nice.

George Sr.: Listen, I don't have to work this weekend, I was wondering if you wanted to do something together.
Sheldon: Like what?
George Sr.: Whatever you want.
Sheldon: Well, the filter on my air purifier needs to be changed. How about a trip to Sears?

Meemaw: Why else would I have begged you and George to move back to Medford?
Mary: So you could be with your grandchildren.
Meemaw: And you.
Mary: Really?
Meemaw: Yeah. You're the only one of my children still talking to me.
Mary: No surprise there.
Meemaw: Besides, you raised yourself better than I ever could.
Mary: You actually believe that?
Meemaw: No, but it would help my cause if you did.

George Jr.: Shotgun!
Mary: No, no. Let your brother sit up front for a change.
Sheldon: I actually prefer sitting in the back. It's safer.

Meemaw: You ready to finish our conversation?
Mary: There's nothing to finish. I raised myself like a jungle child. End of story.

Mary: Oh, come on, sit up front with your daddy. He doesn't get to spend enough time with you.
George Jr.: I called shotgun.
Mary: George.
George Sr.: We'll flip a coin. All right? Georgie, call it.
George Jr.: Heads.
George Sr.: Tails.
George Jr.: Dang it.
George Sr.: Sheldon, you won. You get to ride up front.
Sheldon: Can't we do two out of three?
George Sr.: You won. Get in the car.
George Jr.: What's the point in calling shotgun?

George Sr.: You two share that bed, I'll take this one.
Sheldon: No.
George Jr.: Nuh-uh.
George Sr.: Come on, fellas, I'm the biggest. It makes sense that I get a bed to myself.
Sheldon: No.
George Jr.: Nuh-uh.
George Sr.: We'll flip for it. Georgie, call it.
George Jr.: Heads.
George Sr.: Not your day.
George Jr.: Dang it.
Sheldon: That looked like heads.
George Sr.: Go brush your teeth.

George Jr.: Dad, can we go to Reptile World?
George Sr.: No.
George Jr.: They a got snake so big it can eat a whole chicken.
George Sr.: Oh, well, in that case, no.

Mary: I don't like you making me out to be the bad guy just 'cause I won't let my daughter do whatever she wants.
Meemaw: I gave you a lot of freedom, you turned out okay.
Mary: You didn't give me freedom. You were never around.
Meemaw: Is that so?
Mary: I guarantee I made supper for Charlene and Edward more times than you ever did. I basically raised 'em.
Meemaw: You think I was out dancing? I was out working two jobs so your daddy could lose all our money on that damn chain of Fotomats!
Mary: It wasn't Daddy's fault that those little things blew over every time there was a storm.

Sheldon: Fine, the cat's name is Mittens.
George Jr.: Because he has little white feet?
Sheldon: Sure.
George Sr.: So, in this thought experiment, do you think Mittens is dead or alive?
Sheldon: There's no way of saying until you open the box.
George Jr.: Oh, come on.
Sheldon: Optimistically, I would choose to believe he's alive.
George Jr.: Yes!
George Sr.: Oh, thank goodness.

Missy: Seriously, I'm melting.

George Jr.: Dead armadillo. That's three for me.