Adult Sheldon: Every culture has its own traditions to celebrate important life events: bar mitzvahs, quinceañeras, baby's first Comic-Con. My favorites are funeral and baby shower. They're the only two thrown in your honor you're not expected to attend. [whispers] Love it.

George: Why do you want to go?
Georgie: Well, I'm gonna be at the birth, but I can't go to the party?
Missy: How do you know she wants you at the birth?
Georgie: Who's gonna catch the baby?

Mary: Hi, Jim.
Jim: Hey, Mary. Good to see you. You looking for some tires?
Mary: Actually, I'm looking for your wife.
Jim: Oh. You're not gonna yell at her again, are you?
Mary: No, no.
Jim: Okay, you sure about that? 'Cause I wouldn't mind seeing it.

Mandy: [gasps] Oh, a nursing bra. "Includes removable pads to prevent leakage." Wow. Thanks. That's... really thoughtful.
Brenda Sparks: Mine dripped like a faucet.
Missy: Wait, I have a question.
Mary: Please ask it later.

Missy: Oh, I thought of another game we could play. First, you melt chocolate in a diaper...
Mary: Keep thinking.

Mary: All right, Missy, you're first. How much do you think the baby's gonna weigh?
Missy: Uh, I'm gonna say... Hmm. 18 pounds. [Meemaw laughs]
Brenda Sparks: Ooh, ouch.
Missy: Too much?
Meemaw: Too much.

Dr. Linkletter: It's open.
Sheldon: Hello. [Dr. Linkletter groans] I was wondering if I could have access to the lab on Sunday.
Dr. Linkletter: I'm not here on Sunday.
Sheldon: Where will you be?
Dr. Linkletter: If I tell you that, you might go there.
Sheldon: Well, I told you where I'll be: the lab.

Meemaw: But then again, Georgie was a big'un.
Mandy: How big?
Mary: Almost ten pounds.
Mandy: Ten pounds?
Meemaw: She walked like a cowboy for months. [laughs]

Mary: Oh, and after we do gifts, we could take pictures holding Mandy's belly.
Mandy: [scoffs] No. Okay.
Missy: Here's one. We can fill baby bottles with juice and see who can drink it the fastest.
Meemaw: Don't go drinking out of my bottle.
Missy: Why?
Meemaw: 'Cause it ain't gonna be juice.

Sheldon: We're coming up with games to play? Because I have a good one: intelligent animal technology. For example, if rhinoceroses were intelligent, how would they type?
Mary: This is for Mandy's baby shower.
Sheldon: Oh. I don't want to go to that.
George: [chuckles] Thankfully, it's for ladies only.

Sheldon: Wait, I don't have to watch football, do I?
George: No.
Georgie: Please don't.
Sheldon: Sweet.

Dr. Linkletter: How about this? Here's the key. Go nuts.
Sheldon: But I'm a minor. I require adult supervision.
Dr. Linkletter: I won't tell anyone.
Sheldon: I will. I'm quite the tattler.
Dr. Linkletter: Then you'll have to wait till Monday.

Audrey: I know this wonderful bakery that makes a cake that looks just like a fairy-tale castle.
Mary: I was gonna make my German chocolate cake.
Audrey: She's having a girl, not starting World War II.
Mary: Castle cake it is.
Audrey: Yay.

Mary: Hey. I hate that woman.
George: Your mother? Eh, she ain't gonna live forever.
Mary: Mandy's mom.
George: Oh. Yeah, that one we're stuck with for a while.
Mary: I extended an olive branch to make her feel part of the baby shower, and then she just took over the whole dang thing.
George: All right, I'll run her over with my truck.
Mary: I'm not ready to laugh yet, George.

Sheldon: When you are ready to laugh, I have got the movie for you. Bingo. It's for men, but I think you'll get it.