Sheldon: Okay, your basic arithmetic skills are disappointing but functional.
Billy Sparks: Thank you.
Sheldon: All right, let's talk about negative numbers.
Billy Sparks: I'm all ear.
Sheldon: "Ears."
Billy Sparks: No. "Ear." This one's clogged.

Sheldon: Okay. Negative numbers are numbers that are less than zero.
Billy Sparks: But zero's nothing.
Sheldon: Yes.
Billy Sparks: So how can you have less than nothing?
Sheldon: Let's see. How about this? If you have a dollar, that's one. If you have no dollars, that's zero. But if you owe me a dollar, that's negative one. Does that make sense?
Billy Sparks: I think so.
Sheldon: All right, we're making progress.
Billy Sparks: Mom! I owe Sheldon a dollar.

Sheldon: All right, I'm given to understand you have a test coming up on negative numbers and fractions.
Billy Sparks: Yeah.
Sheldon: So, what part don't you understand? [Billy is silent] Oh, boy. Let's take it back a step. Where do you stand on addition, subtraction, multiplication and division?
Billy Sparks: I'm against it.
Sheldon: [exhales] [quietly] Oh, boy.

Meemaw: How about this... Why don't you get one of your girlfriends to find out how he feels about you.
Missy: Why?
Meemaw: Because then you don't have to put yourself on the spot.
Missy: Okay. And if he doesn't like me back, I'll just keep being mean to him until he does.
Meemaw: I don't know why that works. Men are dumb.
Missy: Does that mean we're dumb for liking 'em?
Meemaw: It's not a good look for us.

Meemaw: What's going on with you?
Georgie: Just trying to stay busy. Keep my mind off the fact that the mother of my child doesn't want me around.
Mary: Oh, honey, I'm sorry.
Georgie: Hey. Maybe you could put in a good word for me.
Meemaw: And what would that word be?
Georgie: Take your pick. Dependable. Hardworking. Trustworthy. Sexy.
Mary: Georgie.
Georgie: You're right. Sexy's how I got into this pickle.

Sheldon: My mom accepts God as an act of faith, and zero is way more useful than God.
Billy Sparks: Do not say that around Pastor Jeff.
Sheldon: Think about it. Without zero, we wouldn't have calculus. Without God, we wouldn't have Spanish Inquisition.
Billy Sparks: I know the Spanish word for "fajita."
Sheldon: And don't forget... before the Big Bang, there was actually nothing.
Billy Sparks: It's "fajita."
Sheldon: So you could say the entire universe was born out of zero. Meaning that zero created the universe, not God.

Billy Sparks: You can cheat off me if you want. I studied.
Missy: [whispers] Thanks.
Adult Sheldon: I'm not saying it was God or zero, but a small miracle did happen that day. Billy passed the test with a 68 and went on to the seventh grade. Where he remained for the next several years.

Brenda Sparks: [o.s.] Billy! Stop feeding the chickens Cap'n Crunch!
Billy Sparks: [o.s.] But they like it.
Brenda Sparks: [o.s.] We've been over this. You don't eat their food, they don't eat yours.

Meemaw: Here you go... Scrambled eggs, bacon, biscuits and fresh-squeezed orange juice.
Mandy: Thank you. Looks amazing.
Georgie: Where's mine?
Meemaw: You're not pregnant. She is.
Georgie: Well, I like to think we're pregnant.
Mandy: Really? Are your ankles swollen? Did you throw up this morning? Are you constipated?
Georgie: No, dear.
Mandy: Stop calling me "dear." I'm not your dear.

Mandy: Oh, stop. You could totally be a weather girl.
Missy: No. They're all perfect and blonde. Like you.
Mandy: Anybody can be blonde. [scoffs] You think Madonna's really blonde?
Missy: What?
Mandy: [whispers] She's a brunette.
Missy: What about her Blond Ambition Tour?
Mandy: Ha. More like Bottle Blond Ambition Tour.
Missy: Funny and beautiful. No wonder my brother put a baby in you.

Brenda Sparks: He's failing math, and they might hold him back.
George: That's rough.
Brenda Sparks: I try helping him, but math was never my strong suit.
George: Yeah, I hear ya. And when you do try to help 'em, they realize how dumb you are.
Brenda Sparks: You think... Sheldon would help Billy?
George: [sighs] I'm not sure helping others is where he shines. Pissing 'em off... He's got that down cold.

George: [knocks] You busy?
Sheldon: Yes, but I'm also excellent at bifurcating my cognitive abilities. Hit me.
George: [sighs] Billy is struggling with math, and, mm, his mom was hoping that you could tutor him.
Sheldon: I could.
George: Great.
Sheldon: But I won't.
George: Why not?
Sheldon: Because me teaching Billy is like trying to use the gravitational power of a neutron star to change the spin of a boson.
George: Don't do that. If he doesn't pass math, they're gonna hold him back.
Sheldon: That's the system working. Very Darwinian.

George: Never mind. Yeah, I told Brenda teaching wasn't really your thing.
Sheldon: Well, it's not that I can't do it.
George: Don't worry about it. You're good at a lot of things. Teaching just ain't one of 'em.
Sheldon: I know what you're doing. It's reverse psychology.
George: I don't know what you're talking about. [walks out]
Sheldon: It's childish and obvious.
George: [o.s.] So you'll do it?
Sheldon: Yes, I'll do it.

Mandy: Hope you like tuna salad. I brought you a whole tub.
Meemaw: How old is it?
Mandy: I don't know, but the clock's ticking.

Mary: I thought you were with Missy.
Meemaw: Oh. I thought it was a good idea if she talked to Mandy. They're closer in age.
Mary: She threw you over, didn't she?
Meemaw: Without hesitation.
Mary: Stings, don't it?
Meemaw: It do.