Adult Sheldon: Visiting Tam's house for the first time was an emotional roller coaster. For example, it's traditional in Vietnamese homes to have gruesome religious iconography near the entrance. I did not like that. However, it's also customary to not wear shoes around the house for sanitary reasons. I did like that. Interestingly, one of the main ingredients in Vietnamese cooking is an extremely pungent condiment known as fish sauce. I did not like that. But before every meal, it's common for everyone to wash their hands and face. I did like that. Forks are not customary in a Vietnamese household. I did not like that. And instead of napkins, there was one towel for everyone to share at the table. Seriously, what are they thinking?

Georgie: Mornin'.
Mary: Mornin'.
Georgie: I slept in the nude last night. Felt every little breeze.
[Sheldon slides his food away]
Mary: Thank you for sharing that.
Georgie: You're welcome.

George: Sheldon, all you got to do is be cool.
Adult Sheldon: "Be cool." He might as well have asked me to fly around the backyard.

Sheldon: Mom, I was going through our expenditures and noticed our grocery bills are up 12% compared to last quarter. Any idea why?
George: There's a person at the end of the table that eats for free.
Meemaw: There's a person at the other end of the table that eats for three.

Sheldon: Dad, banking question.
George: What's that, buddy?
Sheldon: I noticed there's a check missing. I have a copy of check 128 and a copy of check 130, but 129 isn't there.
George: Oh, yeah, don't worry about it.
Sheldon: But I enjoy worrying; I find it very relaxing.
George: 'course you do.

Meemaw: I do not want Mary to find out about this.
George: Well, what about Sheldon? The kid hasn't pooped in days, he might pop.
Meemaw: Slip a little Metamucil into his apple juice, he'll be fine.

George: Why don't we just come clean?
Meemaw: All right, sure, we could do that. You could rat me out to Mary and I could tell her what you did at the church picnic.
George: Come on. Now you're just playing dirty.
Meemaw: We sink or swim together, George. We sink or swim together.
George: Grandmas are supposed to be nice. What went wrong with you?

Sheldon: We've been friends for a while now, haven't we?
Tam: I suppose so.
Sheldon: Given that, how would you feel about a sleepover?
Tam: Sure. Your mom lets you watch TV. Jake and the Fatman is on tonight.
Sheldon: I meant we could sleep at your house.
Tam: But you'll miss Jake and the Fatman.
Sheldon: Even better. So what do you say?
Tam: I'll have to ask my mom.
Sheldon: Well, be sure to tell her I'm clean, I'm well-behaved, and if you don't have a lot of room, I can fit in really tight spaces.

George: Hey, here's a funny prank you can try tonight. When Tam falls asleep, put some shaving cream in his hand and then tickle his nose.
Sheldon: Why?
George: 'Cause then he'll go to, you know, scratch his nose, and he gets shaving cream on his face.
Sheldon: And then what?
George: Well that - that's it.
Sheldon: But I'm a guest in their home, and that doesn't seem like a very good way to repay their kindness.
George: Never mind.
Sheldon: And what if the shaving cream gets in his eyes? That would sting.
George: Sorry I mentioned it.
Sheldon: Also, I didn't bring my own shaving cream. I'd have to use his dad's, and that-
George: Forget it!

Georgie: With God as my witness, I've never been to the dog track in my life.
Meemaw: She knows.
Georgie: Oh, I've been there a bunch.

Mary: Okay, here's what's gonna happen: you and you are staying at her house until I say otherwise.
Georgie: One could argue I was the hero in this story.
Mary: You went gambling and you drove without a license and you lied to my face.
Georgie: Heroically.

Mary: Will someone please tell me what happened?
Georgie: Okay, me and Meemaw were in the bar at the track.
Mary: You took him to a bar?
Meemaw: He wasn't drinking.
Georgie: She had a few too many margaritas, so I drove us home.
Mary: But you don't have a license.
Georgie: That's why we swapped places after the cop pulled us over.
Mary: Oh, dear Lord.
George: I had nothing to do with this part.
Mary: Shut up.
George: Will do.

Mary: Sweet dreams. Love you.
Sheldon: Love you, too, 'cause you're my mom. [LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]

Mary: I don't know. I just feel like something isn't right.
Missy: Mom! I got my hair stuck in my zipper!
Meemaw: That's the kid you need to be worried about.

Sheldon: Thank you for letting me sleep in your bed.
Tam: My father taught me that we must always honor our guests and treat them with the utmost courtesy.
Sheldon: The Vietnamese are a very welcoming people.
Tam: Yeah, that hasn't always worked out for us.