Previous Episode Next Episode 

40Quotes from ‘Hobbitses, Physicses and a Ball with Zip’

Hobbitses, Physicses and a Ball with Zip

304. Hobbitses, Physicses and a Ball with Zip

Aired October 17, 2019

Sheldon tries to take his mind off science by reading "The Lord of the Rings", but this leads to a whole new obsession. Meanwhile, Missy asks George to teach her about baseball.

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Mary: Baby, you need to eat something.
Sheldon: But it looks like I can change the definitions of electric and magnetic fields and rotate the magnetic charge away mathematically to zero.
Mary: Maybe some fried okra would help.
Sheldon: Richard Feynman didn't develop quantum electrodynamics by filling up on fried okra.
Mary: Well, maybe that's because his mama didn't love him as much as I love you.
Adult Sheldon: Richard Feynman was Jewish. His mother didn't give him fried okra.

Quote from Missy

Sheldon: Ugh. What am I missing?
Missy: Wake me up one more time, and I will sneeze in your mittens. A big, wet, snotty one.

Quote from Meemaw

Meemaw: So, what's new?
Mary: I'm worried about Sheldon.
Meemaw: I said "new."

Quote from Meemaw

Meemaw: You just need a new hobby.
Sheldon: Very well. What are yours?
Meemaw: Smoking, drinking and gambling. But we can find you something almost as fun.

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: Having found no answers, I took it upon myself to rectify the inconsistent timeline in Lord of the Rings. J.R.R. Tolkien had a brilliant mind, but let's be honest. He was no S.L. Cooper.

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: You never know where scientific inspiration will strike. For Newton, it was under an apple tree. For Archimedes, it was sitting in a bathtub. For me, on this particular day, it had a "sweaty people eating meat" kind of vibe.

Quote from George Jr.

George Sr.: Sheldon, do you really have to do that here?
Sheldon: If the management didn't want me to solve unified field theory, why would they give me a crayon?
George Jr.: I told you to crack a window and leave him in the car.

Quote from Missy

George Sr.: Son of a-
Missy: Dad, you busy?
George Sr.: Do I look like I'm busy?
Missy: I can't see what you look like. You're under the sink.

Quote from Mary

Mary: What's going on with John?
Meemaw: Not much. We write letters back and forth.
Mary: That's romantic.
Meemaw: Romantic if he were off to war, not in a mental hospital.
Mary: Well, he's at war with his inner demons.

Quote from Missy

George Sr.: You ever thrown a ball before?
Missy: Just rocks at Sheldon.
George Sr.: Did you hit him?
Missy: Every time.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I'm so used to thinking about science, I'm not sure how to make myself stop. As soon as I think about not thinking about it, I'm thinking about it.
Meemaw: Well, why don't you just think about something else?
Sheldon: Like what?
Meemaw: I don't know. Read a comic book?
Sheldon: How do you think the spider that bit Peter Parker got radioactive? Science. How do you think Bruce Banner got exposed to gamma rays? Science.
Meemaw: All right.
Sheldon: When the Green Goblin flies-
Meemaw: I said all right.
Sheldon: Science.

Quote from Meemaw

Mary: [to Sheldon] I know you don't want to hear this, but I find prayer can bring incredible peace of mind.
Meemaw: Come on, Mary, I'm trying to help the kid.

Quote from Ms. Hutchins

Ms. Hutchins: Hey there, Sheldon. What can I do for ya?
Sheldon: I'm wondering if you have any books on stopping bad habits.
Ms. Hutchins: A few. What habit are you trying to stop?
Sheldon: Science.
Ms. Hutchins: Yowza.
Sheldon: It's not permanent. I'm just looking to take a break.
Ms. Hutchins: I've heard that one before.
Sheldon: What did you take a break from?
Ms. Hutchins: Happiness.
Sheldon: Okay.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I've tried a few different activities, but whatever I do just leads me back to science.
Ms. Hutchins: Well, let's think about it. What's the opposite of science?
Sheldon: Science is based in facts, and the opposite of facts is fiction.
Ms. Hutchins: How about fantasy?
Sheldon: Magic and dragons.
Ms. Hutchins: We have a whole section here.
Sheldon: Ooh, that sounds intellectually bankrupt. I'll give it a shot.

Quote from Mary

Sheldon: Good news. I found a way to take a break from science.
Mary: That's great. What is it?
Sheldon: A fantasy book series called The Lord of the Rings.
Mary: Well, it's got "the Lord" in it. That's something.

Quote from Meemaw

Sheldon: There's a character named Gollum who was corrupted by the Ring of Power. Now he runs around naked and bites the heads off fish.
Meemaw: That's called sushi. Which, by the way, I will die before I eat.

Quote from Missy

Sheldon: This can't be right.
Missy: What now?
Sheldon: In the letter that Gandalf leaves for Frodo at The Prancing Pony, he says that it's Mid-year's Day, Shire year 1418. However, in Appendix B, it says that Gandalf met Radagast on June 29, which is impossible because- Hey!
Missy: Next time, it's my shoe. And I will put zip on it.

Quote from George Jr.

Ms. MacElroy: "The man who lived in the town was tall." Which word is the relative pronoun? Sheldon.
Sheldon: Have you read The Lord of the Rings?
Ms. MacElroy: Um, I have, but that's not what we're really doing right now.
Sheldon: The relative pronoun is "who." Now, did you notice that in Fellowship, Elrond says that the foundations of Barad-dur were made with the One Ring?
Ms. MacElroy: Let's say sure.
Sheldon: However, in Appendix B, "The Tale of Years," it's clear that Sauron began building Barad-dur in Second Age 1000, 600 years before the ring was forged.
Ms. MacElroy: Georgie.
George Jr.: Imagine living with this.
Ms. MacElroy: An hour a day is enough.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: The timeline doesn't make sense. I mean, it lists Samwise Gamgee's birth year as both 2963 and 2980.
Ms. Hutchins: Maybe he lied about his age.
Sheldon: Why?
Ms. Hutchins: I don't know. Maybe he thinks his neck makes him look older than he is.
Sheldon: But he's only in his 30s. That's young.
Ms. Hutchins: Thank you.
Sheldon: For a hobbit. For a human, that's mommy-age.
Ms. Hutchins: Thank you.

Quote from Glenn

Sheldon: When Frodo and Sam are riding through the Shire, the book says the moon went westward, but according to the calendar Tolkien created, there should have been no moon visible.
Glenn: But in the appendix, Tolkien covers himself by saying there may be mistranslations from the Red Book.
Sheldon: Fictional Tolkien says that, but I can't help wondering if real Tolkien, who wrote the book, made the mistake or if it was an intentional mistake made by the fictional Tolkien, who translated these real-world events from an original source. [walks away]
Glenn: Oh, no. Is that how I sound to people?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Mom. Mom.
Mary: What's wrong?
Sheldon: I was Gollum and Smeagol and I was in a cave fighting with myself over physics and hobbits. And then I realized that even though physics is frustrating, it won't turn me into a tormented creature who bites the heads off fish. Okay, good night.
George Sr.: [to Mary] I've been doing a great job with Missy. This one's on you.

Quote from Missy

Sheldon: It occurred to me that Maxwell's equations would achieve full symmetry by adding a magnetic monopole.
Missy: I drew a ladybug.

Quote from Mary

Frank: Is it okay to set this down?
Sheldon: I'm a little busy. Could you come back later?
George Sr.: Sheldon, I'm hungry.
George Jr.: Let's just sit over there.
Mary: No. We're gonna eat together as a family.
Sheldon: Instead of electricity, we'll have magnetricity.
Frank: It's getting heavy.
Mary: We'll be right over here if you need us.
George Sr.: Let's go.
Missy: Bye, ladybug.

Quote from Sheldon

Mary: Baby, what are you doing?
Sheldon: Working.
Mary: Have you been out here all night?
Sheldon: No. Why, what time is it?
Mary: 7:30.
Sheldon: Oh. Then yes.

Quote from George Sr.

George Sr.: You're right-handed, yeah?
Missy: You don't know?
George Sr.: Okay, smartass, which one am I?
Missy: ... I'm right-handed.

Quote from Missy

George Sr.: All right, since you're right-handed, which I now know, you're gonna bring your arm up and follow through like this.
Missy: Okay.
George Sr.: Nice. You might be a natural.
Missy: I'm not surprised. This is the arm I color with.

Quote from Mary

Sheldon: I wasn't even aware I was chewing them.
Mary: Baby, I think this math problem you're working on is stressing you out.
Sheldon: It makes sense. Einstein struggled with it for 30 years and never found a solution.
Mary: Maybe if you stop thinking about it, it'll just come to you.
Sheldon: No. I can't stop.
Mary: Sheldon.
Sheldon: If I stop, I'll lose momentum. I'll never solve it. I'll be a failure. My life will be worthless.
Mary: Okay, that's it. You're taking a break from science.
Sheldon: Give me one good reason why I would do that.
Mary: Where is Dr. Sturgis right now?
Sheldon: That's a good reason.

Quote from George Sr.

George Sr.: All right, remember, you need to look right where you want the ball to go.
Missy: Where else would I look?
George Sr.: Well, in the last five minutes, I saw you watch a butterfly, a squirrel and the ice cream truck.
Missy: You looked at the ice cream truck, too.

Quote from Missy

Missy: Which team has a big red "T" on their hat?
George Sr.: Texas Rangers.
Missy: Is that a team we like?
George Sr.: Uh, yeah. Yeah, that's who most people around here root for.
Missy: Okay. And what's something I could say about the Rangers? You know, to sound cool.
George Sr.: Is this about a boy?
Missy: No!
George Sr.: All right, sorry. If you want, you could say, "Even though Nolan Ryan is old, the Rangers were still smart to get him."
Missy: That's a real thing?
George Sr.: That's a real thing.
Missy: How old is Nolan Ryan?
George Sr.: My age.
Missy: Ew.

Quote from Sheldon

Meemaw: Come on, Sheldon. Let's get that blood pumping.
Sheldon: I'd rather not.
Meemaw: Do it. A little exercise will help get your head out of your butt. ... What do you think?
Sheldon: I think I hate this.
Meemaw: Well, you're not thinking about science now, am I right?
Sheldon: I'm thinking about how miserable I am.

Quote from Meemaw

Sheldon: Are you positive other people's fingers haven't been in this?
Meemaw: I made sure to get you a new one.
Sheldon: It doesn't look new.
Meemaw: It's new. Let her rip.
Sheldon: I'm still thinking about science.
Meemaw: That's okay. Just aim for the front pin.

Quote from George Sr.

Mary: You and Missy looked like you were having fun today.
George Sr.: Uh, yeah, we were.
Mary: A little father-daughter bonding.
George Sr.: Yeah. It was nice.
Mary: Hmm. You guys were out there for a while. What were you talking about?
George Sr.: Oh, you know, just life.
Mary: Sure. Everything okay?
George Sr.: Everything's fine. Nothing to worry about.
Mary: You're really not gonna tell me?
George Sr.: No.

Quote from Mary

George Sr.: That one had some zip on it.
Missy: Zip's a good thing, right?
George Sr.: Yes.
Missy: So it looks like I know what I'm doing?
George Sr.: Just like a pro.
Missy: But like a lady pro?
George Sr.: Oh, yes. Very much.

Quote from Missy

Missy: Is there anything else good I could say about the Rangers?
George Sr.: Uh, let's see. Tell whoever's interested that no one's ever gonna touch Nolan Ryan's strikeout record.
Missy: 'cause he strikes out all the time.
George Sr.: No. Because he throws strikeouts all the time.
Missy: Oh. Big difference.

Quote from George Sr.

Mary: Dinner's ready.
Missy: Five more minutes?
George Sr.: She wants five more minutes with her ole dad.

Quote from Meemaw

George Jr.: What are they doing out there?
Mary: They're bonding. It's great. Sheldon, how's your book?
Meemaw: Nice pivot.

Quote from George Jr.

George Jr.: [to Meemaw] Speaking of dying, when you do, can I have your car?

Quote from George Sr.

George Sr.: Hey! You want to throw the ball around?
Missy: [crying] No, go away.
George Sr.: Did something happen at school?
Missy: [crying] I don't want to talk about it.
George Sr.: Okay. Well... You change your mind, you know I'm here for you. [starts to leave]
Missy: He likes someone else.
George Sr.: I'm sorry, sweetheart.
Missy: She doesn't even know who Nolan Ryan is.
George Sr.: This guy sounds like an idiot.
Missy: He's not. He's perfect.
George Sr.: All right. Want me to get your mom?
Missy: No.
George Sr.: You want me to beat this guy up?
Missy: No.
George Sr.: What can I do?
[Outside, George and Missy throw a ball around]

Quote from George Sr.

George Sr.: Nice.
Missy: How do you make it curve?
George Sr.: Well, that's a little tricky. You you put two fingers on the seam. Right? And then you flick your wrist.
Missy: Okay.
George Sr.: Yeah? Here, try it.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: [as Gollum] We're never going to figures it out.
Sheldon: [as Smeagol] We can, we're smarts. We're so smarts. Our brains is precious.
Sheldon: [as Gollum] If our brains is precious, we're wasting it on hobbitses. We like sciences.
Sheldon: [as Smeagol] We took a break from sciences. It was making us crazy.
Sheldon: [as Gollum] And look at us now. Look at what those nasty hobbitses have done to us.
Sheldon: [as Smeagol] No, it was physicses. Physicses did this to us.
Sheldon: [as Gollum] Hobbitses.
Sheldon: [as Smeagol] Physicses.
Sheldon: [as Gollum] Hobbitses.
Sheldon: [in bed] Ow!
Missy: I warned you.

 Episode 303 Episode 305