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38Quotes from ‘Pish Posh and a Secret Back Room’

  • Pish Posh and a Secret Back Room

    504. Pish Posh and a Secret Back Room

    Aired October 28, 2021

    As George wants to throw Georgie out of the house, Missy proposes a new living arrangement for her and her brothers. Meanwhile, Meemaw buys a laundromat with a secret gambling room.

Quote from Sheldon

Missy: I know what you're doing.
Sheldon: Yes, I'm being thorough about these things so we don't fight about them down the line.
Missy: What you're doing is dragging this out because you don't want me to leave.
Sheldon: No, I'm not.
Missy: Yes, you are.
Sheldon: Do you know the phrase "pish posh"?
Missy: No, and I don't want to.
Sheldon: It's British, and it's used when someone's opinions are absurd. And you're forcing me to use it. Pish posh! Or, more authentically, [English accent] pish posh!
Missy: I'm done. I know what's mine, and I'm taking it.
Adult Sheldon: One day she said the same thing to her first husband. I like to think I prepared her for that moment.

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: I've always had a curious affinity for Laundromats. Perhaps it's the rows of mechanical devices dedicated to a cleaner world. Or maybe it's the hypnotic rotation of spinning clothes on their sudsy journey to a fluffy, stain-free future. Mmm, look at 'em. Where was I? Oh, yes. Laundromats. My meemaw also loved them, but for an entirely different reason.
Meemaw: Banana, banana... Whoo! [laughs]
Adult Sheldon: Personally, I don't care for bananas. It's a texture thing.

Quote from Mary

Mary: [enters] Hey. Dinner's ready.
Sheldon: I'll eat later. I have to finish this.
Mary: I made spaghetti with hot dogs cut up in it. I even made sure that every piece is the exact same size.
Sheldon: Some things are more important than the width of a hot dog slice.
Mary: And I wish I'd known that sooner.

Quote from Meemaw

Joann: Look how many rhinestones fell off in the dryer.
Meemaw: It says right here "do not tumble dry."
Joann: No label's gonna tell me what to do.
Meemaw: I am not in the mood for Texas right now. What do you want from me?
Joann: Well, what size is yours?
Meemaw: No!

Quote from Mary

George Jr.: I'm thinking I'll put the flag over that window for, you know, privacy.
Mary: If you want, I could sew some curtains, make it look homey.
George Jr.: Nice. Girls will eat that up.
Mary: Flag is fine.

Quote from Missy

George Sr.: There you go.
Missy: Okay, these posters go on that wall. That poster goes over the bed.
George Sr.: [scoffs] I'm not your moving man.
Missy: You're right, I'm growing up. Guess I can't be Daddy's little girl forever. [pouts]
George Sr.: Which one goes over the bed?
Missy: Um, "New Kids".

Quote from George Jr.

George Jr.: Over here is my bedroom area, for sleeping and whatnot. That's my gym. And last but not least, kitchen and bathroom.
Mary: Georgie, do not use that sink as a bathroom.
George Jr.: Relax. Just number one.

Quote from Meemaw

Meemaw: So I'm thinking dark red, like a speakeasy. And maybe a little bar in the corner.
Dale: Well, you're gonna need a liquor license.
Meemaw: Oh, right. 'Cause I don't want to break the law in my illegal gambling room.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Next, one Timex brand alarm clock.
Missy: It's yours.
Sheldon: Are you sure? It has a stylish faux-wood finish.
Missy: Fine, I'll take it.
Sheldon: Aw.
Missy: So you want it?
Sheldon: Yes.
Missy: It's yours.
Sheldon: Thank you. Next, one useful yet educational map of the world trash can.

Quote from Dale

Meemaw: Are you disappointed this isn't more like some old cop show?
Dale: I loved Rockford Files.
Meemaw: Well, I tell you what, when he gets here, you're my muscle. If anything goes sideways, you jump in.
Dale: See, now you're talking. I'll stand behind you and I'll crack my knuckles.
Meemaw: With your arthritis?
Dale: It's only bad when it rains.

Quote from Missy

Missy: [sighs] What do I have to do to get this over with?
Sheldon: We just need to agree upon who gets which items.
Missy: Fine. As my farewell gift to you, let's do your dumb thing.
Sheldon: See, when you're mean and nice at the same time, it's confusing.
Missy: Too bad, doofus.
Sheldon: Better, thank you.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: What are you doing?
Missy: Moving my stuff.
Sheldon: But we haven't discussed who gets what yet.
Missy: I get my stuff. You get your stuff. Done.
Sheldon: There's community property. We've lived together for over ten years. In some states, we'd be considered married.
Missy: Gross.
Sheldon: I don't make the rules. I just know them all.

Quote from Sheldon

Missy: You know you want privacy, too.
Sheldon: I suppose it would be nice to have all my trains and science equipment in here.
Missy: Great. It's settled.
Sheldon: It would be like my Fortress of Solitude.
Missy: Good for you.
Sheldon: Or my Bat Cave.
Missy: Shh!
Sheldon: Although I don't care for caves. Or bats. I suppose Fortress of Solitude...
Missy: I'm gonna choke you with my bra.
Sheldon: Good night.

Quote from Sheldon

Missy: Sheldon, come on, I need my own space.
Sheldon: But we've always shared a room.
Missy: I'm a young lady now.
Sheldon: You seem the same to me.
Missy: I have a training bra.
Sheldon: When you complete your training, get back to me.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Hold on. All my trains and science equipment are in the garage. Where would they go?
Missy: Easy. I take Georgie's room. All your crap goes in your room.
Sheldon: That's a big change. I need to think about this.
Missy: Mom?
Mary: Honey, it does make sense. You two are getting older.
Sheldon: I don't even have hair on my legs yet. What's the rush?

Quote from George Sr.

Sheldon: Okay, so we've agreed on monthly rent. Should we talk utilities?
George Jr.: Why do I got to pay for that stuff?
George Sr.: 'Cause you use them and they cost money.
Sheldon: There are five of us in the house, so I suggest he pays 20%. Although he does take a long time drying that hair.
George Sr.: 20%'s fine.
George Jr.: Hold on. It takes a whole lot more water to clean you than me.
George Sr.: Hey, watch it. I don't have to let you live here.
George Jr.: Let me? I'm paying for everything. You gonna charge me for food, too?
George Sr.: Mm, it's not the worst idea.
George Jr.: You know what? Maybe I shouldn't be in this house.
George Sr.: You said it, not me.

Quote from Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: I eventually made my peace with having a room to myself. And I was never truly alone, thanks to my science posse: Stephen, Albert, Richard and Arthur. But for those times when I did need to communicate with Missy, we had a system.
[Sheldon pulls on a rope which pulls a lever which knocks on Missy's wall, prompting her to pick up a walkie talkie]
Missy: [over radio] What?
Sheldon: Just testing the system.
Missy: You tested it yesterday.
Sheldon: Just because it worked yesterday doesn't mean it's working today.
Missy: It's working. Good night.
Sheldon: Good night. Sleep tight. [knocking on wall]
Missy: [over radio] What?
Sheldon: Did you know when people say "sleep tight," they're referring to when beds were made of ropes, and the tighter the rope, the more comfortable the bed was to sleep on?
Missy: Cool. Bye.
Adult Sheldon: My sister wasn't always a fan of my informative tidbits, so I didn't tell her that the entire phrase, "Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite" is actually from the book What They Say in New England: A Book of Signs, Sayings, and Superstitions. Until I told her. [knocking on wall]

Quote from Meemaw

Dale: Uh, okay, just give me a sense of how illegal this is.
Meemaw: Who says it's illegal?
Dale: Well, why is it a secret?
Meemaw: Okay, it's illegal.

Quote from Meemaw

Dale: So, there's a secret back room at the Laundromat where you gamble?
Meemaw: Yeah.
Dale: And you never told me?
Meemaw: Well, this is how secrets work.
Dale: Uh-huh. What else aren't you telling me?
Meemaw: Let me explain secrets.

Quote from Missy

Missy: Pay to live here? We don't even have a pool.

Quote from Sheldon

Mary: Okay, what if he pitches in here?
George Sr.: Like what, rent?
Mary: Yes. You would do that, right?
George Jr.: I guess so.
Sheldon: Sounds like someone needs a rental agreement. I'll go get my legal pad.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Fun fact... did you know the knife goes on the right because it was the first utensil, and most people are right-handed?
Missy: Did you know I set the table and no one said thank you?
Sheldon: No one thanked me for my fun fact. You don't hear me complaining.

Quote from Dale

Meemaw: I'm gonna open my game room.
Dale: How?
Meemaw: I don't know.
Dale: Move to a new location?
Meemaw: I don't know!
Dale: What about the Laundromat?
Meemaw: Keep asking questions, see what happens.
Dale: Last one.
Meemaw: What?
Dale: How'd you get so pretty?
Meemaw: I hate you.
Dale: I like you.

Quote from Dale

Dale: So you gonna sell the place?
Meemaw: No.
Dale: Instead of crime boss, you're gonna be a laundry boss. Well, I guess that's just as cool.

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: There were plenty of reasons to be happy my sister moved out. She snored, she teased me. She left her dirty clothes everywhere. Clearly, I was better off without her.
[After Sheldon lays awake looking at the boxes where Missy's bed used to be, he goes and knocks on her bedroom door. Missy opens the door:]
Sheldon: Can I sleep on your floor?
Missy: Come on.

Quote from Sheldon

[fantasy:]
Conductor: Next stop, Medford.
Sheldon: That won't be necessary. Keep going.
Conductor: But, sir, your family's waiting to board.
Sheldon: I'm aware. Drive on.
Conductor: But, sir...
Sheldon: I don't need them. I'm fine on my own. Do not stop this train. [whistles blowing]

Quote from Meemaw

Adult Sheldon: As I struggled, my meemaw began to realize the problem with running a gambling den in the back of a Laundromat was it's still connected to a Laundromat.
Harriet: I put five pairs of undies in here, and now there are four. Your machine ate my undies.
Meemaw: There's a lost and found box right over there in the corner. Just take all you want.
Harriet: I don't want a stranger's undies.
Meemaw: Then let's find your precious undies.

Quote from George Sr.

George Sr.: Let's just put this down for a few days.
Missy: Why? 'Cause you don't want to hear him complain?
George Sr.: Bingo.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: [enters] I can't find my railroad crossing sign.
George Jr.: Hey, how about knocking?
Sheldon: Sorry, I've never had to knock on that door before.
George Jr.: Well, now you do.
Sheldon: [grunts] I need the crossing sign for my train set. Have you seen it?
George Jr.: No, and I've got company coming soon.
Sheldon: Perfect. An extra set of eyes will be helpful.
George Jr.: It's a girl, and you need to get out of here.
Sheldon: I'm not leaving until I find it.
George Jr.: Is this really about some dumb sign, or is about you being scared to have a room to yourself?
Sheldon: That sign has been there for as long as I've had that railroad set. It may seem insignificant to you, but I need it. Everyone only cares about themselves. You're happy because you got the garage, Missy's happy because she has her own room, but no one cares about my problems.
George Jr.: I'll help you look.
Sheldon: Just forget it.

Quote from Sheldon

Mary: So, you okay?
Sheldon: Why wouldn't I be okay?
Mary: Well, there's a lot of change going on. I know that's not your favorite.
Sheldon: Where is that railroad crossing?
Mary: Would you like to eat in here? I'll make you a plate.
Sheldon: I have to find that sign. It should be in this box. Where is it?

Quote from George Sr.

George Sr.: Hey. You might want to check in on Sheldon.
Mary: Is he okay?
George Sr.: Well, he was smiling.
Mary: Smiling how? [George mimics Sheldon's strained grin] Oh, boy.

Quote from Sheldon

George Sr.: Well, you been busy.
Sheldon: Yes.
George Sr.: You get this in here all by yourself?
Sheldon: Yes.
George Sr.: How?
Sheldon: Science.
George Sr.: Well, it looks good.
Sheldon: I know. Now trains will be the last thing I see before I go to sleep, and the first thing I see when I wake up.
George Sr.: Great.
Sheldon: If I stir in the middle of the night, you know what I'll see?
George Sr.: Trains?
Sheldon: Trains.
George Sr.: Well... as long as you're happy.
Sheldon: Oh, I'm happy. [pained smile]

Quote from Meemaw

Meemaw: First thing I'm gonna do is get better chairs. If people are comfy, they'll stay longer and spend more.
Dale: Well, what if it's someone's lucky chair?
Meemaw: They're gambling in the back of a Laundromat. Does that sound lucky to you?

Quote from Meemaw

Meemaw: Chet's gonna swing by and finalize the deal.
Dale: Wait, he's coming over here?
Meemaw: Yeah. Why?
Dale: Well, this is a very shady transaction. I mean, it should be taking place under a bridge or in a parking lot somewhere.
Meemaw: I'm handing him a cashier's check. He's giving me the keys.
Dale: He's gonna know where you live.
Meemaw: I'm in the phone book. I'm not hard to find.
Dale: Well, what if he grabs the check and just skedaddles out of here?
Meemaw: He's our age. He isn't skedaddling anywhere.

Quote from Sheldon

Mary: He doesn't have to pay for food.
Sheldon: Meemaw does eat here for free.
George Sr.: That's a separate problem.

Quote from Dale

Dale: I-I thought you liked being retired... now you want to be a business owner? It's not as much as fun as I make it look.
Meemaw: Listen, I've been gambling my whole life and losing to the house. This is my chance to be the house.
Dale: You go to prison, I ain't waitin' for you.
Meemaw: You really have the energy to find a new girlfriend?
Dale: I'll wait. [Meemaw chuckles]

Quote from Meemaw

Meemaw: Guess what, I'm buying a Laundromat.
Dale: Uh, I don't know how to react. Is that good news?
Meemaw: Oh, yeah.
Dale: Laundromat. Cool.

Quote from Missy

Missy: What if Georgie moves into the garage?
George Jr.: Why?
Missy: You'd still be around, so Mom's happy, but you'd be out of the house, so Dad's happy.
George Jr.: That could work. What do you say?
George Sr.: Done.
George Jr.: Done.

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