Mary: Remember, it's a school night, so his bedtime is 7:30.
Dr. John Sturgis: Mine, too!

Sheldon: I think you tripped and hit your head.
Dr. John Sturgis: I'm a bit woozy.
Sheldon: I better test for concussion. What's your name?
Dr. John Sturgis: John Burgess Sturgis.
Sheldon: Burgess Sturgis? Great name.
Dr. John Sturgis: Thank you.

Sheldon: Do you believe there's intelligent life in the universe?
Dr. John Sturgis: I have no doubt.
Sheldon: Why is that?
Dr. John Sturgis: The Drake Equation claims that there are at least 20 detectable civilizations in our Milky Way galaxy alone.
Sheldon: Interesting. My sister likes to say that I'm an alien.
Dr. John Sturgis: I've often been called that. Once by the praying mantis in my dream.
Sheldon: Maybe we are aliens.
Dr. John Sturgis: Perhaps. Or maybe people like you and me were the original inhabitants of Earth, and everyone else is from outer space.
Sheldon: Ooh, I like that better.

Dr. John Sturgis: Would you like me to sing a cowboy song while we sit around our makeshift campfire?
Sheldon: I would like that.
Dr. John Sturgis: [singing] Oh, pity the cowboy, All bloody and red, For the bronco fell on him, And bashed in his head, There was blood on the saddle, And blood all around, And a great big puddle of blood, On the ground.

Ms. Ingram: Mm-hmm. I'll tell him. Sheldon, you need to go to the principal's office.
Students: Ooh!
Sheldon: You do that every time. Why?

George: So what's this mean?
Principal Petersen: It means he pitched a perfect game, George. I've already gotten calls from colleges who want to meet him.
George: For, like, scholarships and stuff?
Principal Petersen: For everything! They might even pay you to get him.
George: My man!
Sheldon: When was the last time you washed your hands?
George: Come on!

George: And not just that. Colleges are already sniffing around to recruit him.
Mary: What do you mean, colleges? He's ten.
Sheldon: Principal Petersen said Caltech is interested.
Mary: Where's Caltech?
Sheldon: California, Mom.
Mary: California?!
Meemaw: It has "Cal" right there in the name.
Mary: You're not a part of this conversation.
Sheldon: The "tech" is for "technology."

Meemaw: John, I don't think you realize the responsibility involved here.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, why don't we have a trial run? Have him spend a couple days with me and see how it goes.
Meemaw: A trial run, huh?
Dr. John Sturgis: Like the space program. You don't send people up right away; you start by spinning them around in that thing that makes them throw up.

Adult Sheldon: The prospect of advancing to the next stage of academia had me feeling giddy. And, on top of that, I got to pack a suitcase, which is like playing Tetris but with underwear.

Sheldon: I may be the luckiest boy in East Texas.
Dr. John Sturgis: I know it's Thursday, so dinner will be spaghetti and hot dogs. And, for fun, I have a few episodes of Cosmos recorded.
Sheldon: Forget "maybe." I am the luckiest boy.

Dr. John Sturgis: In my dreams, I'm usually running for my life from a giant praying mantis.
Sheldon: That's the insect where the female eats the male after mating?
Dr. John Sturgis: It is.
Sheldon: I think I understand why you're not married.

Dr. John Sturgis: What were you thinking, letting me take care of a child? I won't make that mistake again. Do I look like Mary Poppins?

George: What's up?
Principal Petersen: We got the PSAT results back, and Sheldon got a perfect score.
Sheldon: Neat.
George: Thanks, Tom. I'll be sure to put that up on the fridge.
Principal Petersen: No, you don't understand. Sheldon's the only kid in the school to ever do this. At his age, maybe in the whole country.
Sheldon: It was fun. I enjoyed it.

Dr. John Sturgis: Here's an idea. Why don't you and Sheldon come live with me? And then you can take care of both of us.
Meemaw: Trial run sounds like the way to go.
Dr. John Sturgis: Not ready to shack up, are you?

Mary: You like chalkboards, huh?
Dr. John Sturgis: Indeed, I do.
Mary: Huh.
Dr. John Sturgis: In fact, I even have one in the bathroom. You never know when inspiration will strike.