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  • A Stunted Childhood and a Can of Fancy Mixed Nuts

    210. A Stunted Childhood and a Can of Fancy Mixed Nuts

    December 6, 2018

    When Missy and Paige have a sleepover, Sheldon stubbornly refuses to join in with their childish fun. After Paige points out that a stunted childhood can cause people to become maladjusted adults, Sheldon tries to adopt a life of hi-jinks and shenanigans. Meanwhile, Dr. Sturgis decides to learn how to drive and asks Meemaw to be his teacher.

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: And that's how I became the madcap prankster all my friends know and love.

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Paige: You know, I read that adults who had a stunted childhood often become social misfits and weirdos.
Sheldon: You didn't read that, you're making it up like your goat story.
Paige: Psychology Magazine, February issue, 1988.
Sheldon: Well, um, that doesn't make it true.
Paige: Guess you'll find out when you're an adult.
Sheldon: I guess I will.
Adult Sheldon: Well, we know how this story ends. I grew up to become a well-adjusted and charming fellow. But at that moment in time, she had me worried.

Quote from George Jr.

Georgie: All right, I'm just gonna come out and ask it: what the heck is a colleague?

Quote from Sheldon

Mary: How do they feel?
Sheldon: My brand loyalty is being severely tested.

Quote from Paige

Paige: Hi, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Hello.
Paige: What are you doing?
Sheldon: Chemistry homework for extra credit.
Paige: Cute, I did that last year.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Excuse me, I was hoping to purchase some practical joke paraphernalia so that I may behave childishly.
Glenn: Rack in the corner.
Sheldon: Thank you. "If it's funny, it's a Bazinga." Interesting.

Quote from Dr. John Sturgis

Dr. John Sturgis: I don't think I can do this, Connie.
Meemaw: Of course you can. We're just getting started.
Dr. John Sturgis: No, it's too much information. I can't process it.
Meemaw: It was just a yellow light.
Dr. John Sturgis: Not just the light. There were other cars. There's pedestrians. There was a guy on a bicycle.
Meemaw: So?
Dr. John Sturgis: That's just too many random elements. The- The- The stimuli are overwhelming.

Quote from Sheldon

Billy Sparks: Sparks residence, Billy speaking.
Sheldon: This is the electric company.
Billy Sparks: Hello.
Sheldon: I'm calling to see if your refrigerator is running.
Billy Sparks: I'll go check. ... I'm back. It's running.
Sheldon: Well, then you better go catch it. Bazinga.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Hello, um, Meemaw, this is Sheldon. If you were home, I was going to say, "Is Mr. Wall there?" And then you would say, "No." And then I would say, "Is Mrs. Wall there?" And then you would say, "No." And then I would say, "Well, if there are no walls, then how does your roof stay up?" Um, okay. Bazinga.

Quote from Sheldon

Missy: That was pathetic.
Sheldon: It was. I'm not sure I'm cut out for these antics and shenanigans.
Missy: I guess you're gonna grow up to be a weirdo.
Sheldon: I suppose I am. Life is so confusing. I always hoped it would be easier for me when I grew up, but now I'm not so sure it will.
Missy: It's gonna be all right. [LOUD FLATULENCE SOUND] You were faking?
Sheldon: Bazinga.

Quote from Dr. John Sturgis

George: So, John, how was your first driving lesson?
Dr. John Sturgis: Intense. At one point, I was approaching an intersection. The light was green, but at the last moment, it turned yellow. I didn't know what to do. Should I keep going? Should I stop? There were other cars nearby. Connie was yelling. A glare from the sun was in my eyes.
Sheldon: So, what happened?
Dr. John Sturgis: Somehow, I managed to make it through, turned on my directional, and slowly pulled to the side of the road.
Sheldon: That's how you tell a scary story.

Quote from Sheldon

Stan: All right, I don't have the Sperry loafers in your size, but I do have the Hush Puppies.
Sheldon: I don't wear brown Hush Puppies penny loafers, I wear brown Sperry penny loafers.
Stan: But they're exactly the same.
Sheldon: Well, do they come in a box that says Sperry penny loafers? Because that one says Hush Puppies.
Mary: Just try 'em on, honey.
Sheldon: What if I like them?
Mary: Well, then we'll get them.
Sheldon: All right, let's go over this again. I don't wear brown Hush Puppies penny loafers, I wear brown Sperry-
Mary: Would you give us a moment?
Stan: Happily.

Quote from Tam

Sheldon: Oh, dear.
Tam: What?
Sheldon: Paige was right. "There's ample evidence to indicate that a stunted childhood can cause one to be maladjusted as an adult."
Tam: Then I'm screwed.
Sheldon: What do you mean?
Tam: When I'm not in school, I'm doing homework. When I'm not doing homework, I'm practicing my cello. And when I'm not doing that, I'm working in my parents' store.
Sheldon: That must be why we're friends. We're both stunted.
Tam: Sounds right.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Well, I for one plan to do something about it.
Tam: Like what?
Sheldon: I'm going to goof off, engage in horseplay, and if time permits, be quite immature.
Tam: If time permits?
Sheldon: I have homework, too.

Quote from Tam

Sheldon: Would you like to join me in my shenanigans?
Tam: No, thanks.
Sheldon: Aren't you concerned about being a maladjusted adult?
Tam: Nah. I'll just marry an American woman and hope she can fix me.

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