Meemaw: I'll tell you what, we're in the gambling business, why don't we gamble for it?
Georgie: Okay.
Meemaw: Great. The number I'm thinking of in my head... is it odd or even?
Georgie: How dumb do you think I am?
Meemaw: In my defense, you used to be dumber.

Sheldon: [knocks on door] Missy, I know you're upset. Would you like a hot beverage?
Missy: [o.s.] Go away.
Adult Sheldon: Every culture has their taboos. In the Ukraine, it's rude to whistle indoors, and they're correct. Not a fan. In our society, any discussion of human reproduction seems to be so upsetting, it causes nothing but chaos. Lost jobs. Lost friends. Sleepless nights. Even the word "sex" provokes an uncomfortable reaction. I thought "fornicate" might work, but that seemed too judgy. Then I found the perfect word, a word so bland and clinical that it would be impossible to take offense to it.
Sheldon: "Coitus." That'll work.

Pastor Rob: I'm thinking it might be a good idea if we gave the kids a talk about the facts of life.
Pastor Jeff: You mean like, S-E-X?
Peg: Who are you spelling that for?
Pastor Jeff: G-O-D.

Mary: You really think that's an appropriate topic for kids their age?
Pastor Jeff: Well, they seem to have a lot of questions about... S-E-X.
Peg: Sex, sex, sex. Get over it.
Mary: I just think that's a subject best left up to the parents.
Pastor Rob: Glad you feel that way, because it was your daughter who had the most questions.
Peg: [laughs]

Pastor Rob: I just think this is our chance to get in first before they learn it on TV.
Pastor Jeff: That is true. I flipped past MTV the other night, and a song was on called... [quietly] "I Wanna Sex You Up."
Mary: What does that even mean?
Pastor Jeff: I turned it off before the young man could clarify.
Peg: Well, if you ask me, I think it means he wants to...
Mary: No one asked you.

Meemaw: How much did Dale pay you?
Georgie: Uh, minimum wage plus five percent commission.
Meemaw: I'll give you half of that.
Georgie: So, two and a half percent commission?
Meemaw: No, half of the minimum wage part.
Georgie: What about a percentage of these?
Meemaw: [laughs] Yeah, right.
Georgie: I'm serious. If it wasn't for me, none of this would be happening.
Meemaw: I'm your grandmother. If it weren't for me, you wouldn't be happening.

Missy: I don't have any questions. I'm good. Can we be done now?
Mary: So, you'll ask Pastor Rob, but you won't ask me?
Missy: I didn't ask you 'cause I know what you'll say.
Mary: You don't know what I'm gonna say.
Missy: "It's a sin." "You're too young." "Wait till marriage."
Mary: Well, it is, you are, and you should.

Sheldon: And then Missy said it was embarrassing to talk to our mother about reproduction.
Dr. John Sturgis: Interesting, yet the two of you are living proof she has at least a working knowledge of the subject.
Sheldon: That's what I said, then Missy said something's wrong with me.
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, I think you're as normal as I am.
Sheldon: Thank you.
Dr. John Sturgis: Although, I have been called an odd duck and, one time, a quirky turkey.
Sheldon: Those people were probably jealous.

Pastor Rob: Yeah, people have had some strong feelings, but I think if they heard us out, they'd see we're not putting impure thoughts in anyone's heads. Right, Mary?
Mary: No. I mean, I mean, yes, we're not. I mean, if we're upsetting people, we should just back off.
Pastor Jeff: Exactly. The talk is off. I never want to talk about the talk again.
Mary: Hallelujah.
Pastor Jeff: If you'll excuse me, I have 14 phone calls to return.
Pastor Rob: Well, sorry this didn't work out.
Mary: It's probably for the best. [inner monologue] Do not look at his butt. Do not look. Okay, do not look again.

Meemaw: What a haul, huh?!
Georgie: Amazing. Now what happens?
Meemaw: I take it home, pour it on the bed, and just roll around in it.
Georgie: What about me?
Meemaw: You just go home.
Georgie: No. We're partners.
Meemaw: First of all, we're not partners, and second... Actually, "not partners" covers it all pretty well.

Dr. John Sturgis: You know, there's some science to indicate that adolescents process embarrassment with a different part of their brain than adults do.
Sheldon: Really? So maybe Missy's right, and I'm an outlier.
Dr. John Sturgis: Perhaps. Let's increase our sample size. Andy, would you feel embarrassed talking about sexual intercourse with your mother?
Andy: Uh...
Sheldon: Stammering, red-faced. He does seem embarrassed.
Dr. John Sturgis: Although, he may just be embarrassed by the subject in general. How would you feel discussing it with a co-worker? Say- Say me, for example.
[cut to Dr. Sturgis handing his apron in to his manager]
[cut to Dr. Sturgis on his bicycle outside the store with Sheldon:]
Dr. John Sturgis: And now we know conversations like that can cost you your job.
Sheldon: You learn something new every day.

Meemaw: What kind of contribution are we talking?
Jake: [inhales] Well, that's up to you. Oh, I understand that somewhere between 9 and 11% is popular.
Meemaw: Ten percent?
Jake: [chuckles] If you insist.
Meemaw: How about three?
Jake: Three what? Three counts of illegal gambling? Three years in jail?
[cut to:]
Meemaw: I'm paying you in quarters.

Georgie: So what's my title here? Manager? Supervisor?
Meemaw: Your title is "grandson who can go home now."
Georgie: What are you talking about? We're in this together.
Meemaw: I'm sorry, did you buy these machines?
Georgie: No, but it was my idea how to get them up and running again.
Meemaw: And thank you. Now, go home before I tell your mother you want to work in a secret casino.
Georgie: Oh, yeah? Maybe I should tell her you own a secret casino.
Meemaw: Is that the way you want to play this?
Georgie: Yeah, it is.

Mary: Missy was asking about sex.
George: What? You don't think that she's...
Mary: No. But she's clearly interested in the topic.
George: That's it... she's grounded till she's 21.
Mary: George.
George: Well, maybe it's good this pastor wants to talk about it. I sure as hell don't.
Mary: [scoffs] You're unbelievable.
George: I had to do it with Georgie, and it was a disaster.
Mary: Well, here is a chance to do it right.
George: I have two words for you: not it.

Meemaw: Fine. You can be my assistant manager.
Georgie: Oh, I like the sound of that.
Meemaw: So, it's a deal?
Georgie: Well, hold on, how much you gonna pay me?
Meemaw: Did I mention that assistant manager comes with a spiffy nametag?
Georgie: Does it also come with a spiffy paycheck?