Mary Quotes

Quote from the episode Pilot

Sheldon: Mom, when should I be expecting my testicles?
Woman: What is wrong with him?
Mary: Nothing is wrong with him. Now turn around before I knock your lights out.
Sheldon: Hello.

Quote from the episode Dolomite, Apple Slices, and a Mystery Woman

Sheldon: Regardless, I'm not interested in making any more friends.
Mary: Oh, I don't think that's how you really feel.
Sheldon: It is. From now on, it's a hermit's life for me.
Mary: I bet, when you grow up, you will be surrounded by lots of smart, wonderful friends.
Sheldon: I can't see that happening.

Quote from the episode A Sneeze, Detention, and Sissy Spacek

Mary: Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur. Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr, purr, purr.
Sheldon: Sing it again, Mom.
Mary: First, blow your nose.
Sheldon: [BLOWS NOSE]
Mary: Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur. Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr, purr, purr.

Quote from the episode Rockets, Communists, and the Dewey Decimal System

Mary: All right, Tam. I decided I was gonna make you a real Texas dinner. Barbecued chicken and brisket.
Tam: Thank you.
Mary: Well, I figured you were probably tired of stuff wiggling around on your plate.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Mary: Lord, look after my son. Don't let him get stuffed in a gym bag.

Quote from the episode A Therapist, a Comic Book, and a Breakfast Sausage

Mary: Now, the thing you have to understand is Shelly is incredibly bright. I mean, his IQ is right up there with Albert Einstein and that English wheelchair fella.

Quote from the episode Dolomite, Apple Slices, and a Mystery Woman

Mary: Where were we?
Sheldon: Different kinds of maturity.
Mary: That's right. There's emotional maturity, physical maturity, all things that have nothing to do with being smart.
Sheldon: Are you suggesting I'm not emotionally mature?
Mary: I was hinting at it.

Quote from the episode Rockets, Communists, and the Dewey Decimal System

Mary: Okay, let's say grace. Now, Tam, when I say "Jesus," feel free to say the word "Buddha" in your head.
Tam: I'm actually Catholic.
Mary: Oh! Well, that's too bad.

Quote from the episode Dolomite, Apple Slices, and a Mystery Woman

George Sr.: Hang on. What did you think was gonna happen when we sent him to high school?
Mary: I don't know, that he'd learn stuff, and then, come back home and be my baby forever.
George Sr.: Mare, it's good for him. He may start college in a couple years, what happens then?
Mary: Off the top of my head, he and I share a dorm room.
George Sr.: You know I'd laugh at that if I didn't kind of believe you.

Quote from the episode A Therapist, a Comic Book, and a Breakfast Sausage

Mary: Sheldon Lee Cooper, if you don't finish that pork chop, I swear I will chew it up and spit it in your mouth like a mama bird.
Missy: Do it, Mom. Do it.

Quote from the episode A Mother, a Child, and a Blue Man's Backside

Mary: In the name of Jesus, I place a hedge of protection around this house and my family. I command this storm to skip over our home in Jesus' name. I wish peace to every single person in this room and declare that not one of us will get hurt in this storm, in Jesus' name!

Quote from the episode Pilot

Sheldon: Hey, mom, look. That girl's pregnant.
Mary: Congratulations.

Quote from the episode Dolomite, Apple Slices, and a Mystery Woman

Mary: And now he wants to see a movie in Houston with them.
Meemaw: Why Houston?
Mary: I don't know, it's in MixMax or something.

Quote from the episode A Loaf of Bread and a Grand Old Flag

Mary: Not a good time, Brenda.
Brenda Sparks: I don't want your boy playing with my boy anymore.
Mary: Excuse me? [PHONE RINGING] Someone get that.
Brenda Sparks: I just saw Sheldon on the news. He doesn't need to be filling Billy's head with crazy commie ideas.
Mary: Crazier than sitting on an egg and trying to hatch it? 'Cause I saw your precious son do that the other day.

Quote from the episode Albert Einstein and the Story of Another Mary

Meemaw: I think you might be getting way ahead of yourself.
Mary: I'm telling you, I just know.
Meemaw: You were also convinced that Georgie was gonna be a girl.
Mary: That's true. Although he does have very pretty hair.

Quote from the episode Rockets, Communists, and the Dewey Decimal System

Mary: I'm gonna keep him company.
George Sr.: Hey, hey, hey, Mary. Mary, think this through. Right now the kids are just ignoring Sheldon. What happens if he's sitting with his mommy?
Mary: They could mistake me for a senior. ... Well, I look younger than you.

Quote from the episode Quirky Eggheads and Texas Snow Globes

Meemaw: I mean, I'm worried about him. I don't know how serious this is.
Mary: The whole year you were together did you see any, um warning signs?
Meemaw: No. Not really. I just thought he was another, [chuckles] you know, cute, quirky egghead like Sheldon. Speaking of which, when are you gonna tell Sheldon the truth about John?
Mary: Mm. When the time is right.
Meemaw: So he still thinks he's being treated for mono?
Mary: I had to come up with something contagious so he wouldn't want to visit.

Quote from the episode Quirky Eggheads and Texas Snow Globes

Mary: Baby, there's something I need to tell you. Dr. Sturgis is not in the kind of hospital you think he is.
Sheldon: What kind of hospital is he in?
Mary: The psychiatric kind.
Sheldon: Why? What's going on?
Mary: He was having some issues, but he's getting the help he needs, and I'm sure he's gonna be fine.
Sheldon: And you think since he and I are both gifted, I'm going to end up like him?
Mary: Well, it it crossed my mind. Sheldon, you're my baby. It is my job to worry about you. I can't help it.
Sheldon: I'm sorry I cause you so much concern.
Mary: I'm not. Oh. [hugging Sheldon]
Dr. Goetsch: See how valuable a little communication can be?
Mary: You do not take credit for this.

Quote from the episode A Computer, a Plastic Pony, and a Case of Beer

George Sr.: Oh, come on. You know how I feel about your mother meddlin' in our finances.
Mary: She wasn't meddlin', she was offering to help. And that computer is not some silly toy. Sheldon could use it for his schoolwork, and I could use it to organize my recipes.
George Sr.: You already got 'em organized on those little cards.
Mary: Yeah, like a cave person.

Quote from the episode Jiu-jitsu, Bubble Wrap, and Yoo-hoo

Sheldon: Did you ever have a bully when you were growing up?
Mary: Have you met your grandma?