Mary Quotes

Quote from the episode Dolomite, Apple Slices, and a Mystery Woman

Sheldon: Regardless, I'm not interested in making any more friends.
Mary: Oh, I don't think that's how you really feel.
Sheldon: It is. From now on, it's a hermit's life for me.
Mary: I bet, when you grow up, you will be surrounded by lots of smart, wonderful friends.
Sheldon: I can't see that happening.

Quote from the episode A Financial Secret and Fish Sauce

Mary: Will someone please tell me what happened?
George Jr.: Okay, me and Meemaw were in the bar at the track.
Mary: You took him to a bar?
Meemaw: He wasn't drinking.
George Jr.: She had a few too many margaritas, so I drove us home.
Mary: But you don't have a license.
George Jr.: That's why we swapped places after the cop pulled us over.
Mary: Oh, dear Lord.
George Sr.: I had nothing to do with this part.
Mary: Shut up.
George Sr.: Will do.

Quote from the episode A Sneeze, Detention, and Sissy Spacek

Mary: Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur. Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr, purr, purr.
Sheldon: Sing it again, Mom.
Mary: First, blow your nose.
Sheldon: [BLOWS NOSE]
Mary: Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur. Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr, purr, purr.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Sheldon: Mom, when should I be expecting my testicles?
Woman: [turns around] What is wrong with him?
Mary: Nothing is wrong with him. Now turn around before I knock your lights out.
Sheldon: Hello.

Quote from the episode A Therapist, a Comic Book, and a Breakfast Sausage

Mary: Sheldon Lee Cooper, if you don't finish that pork chop, I swear I will chew it up and spit it in your mouth like a mama bird.
Missy: Do it, Mom. Do it.

Quote from the episode Rockets, Communists, and the Dewey Decimal System

Mary: All right, Tam. I decided I was gonna make you a real Texas dinner. Barbecued chicken and brisket.
Tam: Thank you.
Mary: Well, I figured you were probably tired of stuff wiggling around on your plate.

Quote from the episode A Mother, a Child, and a Blue Man's Backside

Mary: In the name of Jesus, I place a hedge of protection around this house and my family. I command this storm to skip over our home in Jesus' name. I wish peace to every single person in this room and declare that not one of us will get hurt in this storm, in Jesus' name!

Quote from the episode A Pink Cadillac and a Glorious Tribal Dance

George Sr.: Sales is a tough racket, Mare.
George Jr.: Yeah. It ain't as easy as I make it look.
Mary: Well, I think I'd be good at it.
George Jr.: You sure? Sometimes you got to do a little fibbin'.
Mary: I would do it without that.
George Jr.: And you got to have people skills.
Mary: I have people skills.
George Jr.: Do you?
Mary: I'd like to throw my dinner roll at your head right now, but you don't see me doing it.

Quote from the episode A Crisis of Faith and Octopus Aliens

Mary: I pray that you protect Sheldon in all that he does.
Sheldon: What are you doing?
Mary: I'm praying for you.
Sheldon: She needs it more than I do.
Mary: You think I didn't start with her?

Quote from the episode Pilot

Mary: Lord, look after my son. Don't let him get stuffed in a gym bag.

Quote from the episode Rockets, Communists, and the Dewey Decimal System

Mary: Okay, let's say grace. Now, Tam, when I say "Jesus," feel free to say the word "Buddha" in your head.
Tam: I'm actually Catholic.
Mary: Oh! Well, that's too bad.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Sheldon: I'll go with you, Mom.
Missy: Why are you going? You don't believe in God.
Sheldon: No, but I believe in Mom.
Mary: I'll take it.

Quote from the episode Dolomite, Apple Slices, and a Mystery Woman

Mary: I gave it a lot of thought, and I'm afraid I can't allow you to drive to Houston with your friends.
Sheldon: Why?
Mary: Well, honey, you're still a little boy.
Sheldon: I don't think it's right. I'm not a little boy. I'm a high school student.
Mary: I'm sorry, I made up my mind. If you'd really like to see this movie, I'm willing to drive you. Maybe we could meet your friends there.
Sheldon: I don't want my mommy to take me.
Mary: Well, then, you're not going.

Quote from the episode A Mother, a Child, and a Blue Man's Backside

Mary: Excuse me. Did you sell this to my son?
Glenn: I don't know. Who's your son?
Mary: The little boy in the corner.
Glenn: Which one?
Mary: Sheldon Cooper.
Glenn: Oh. Yeah.
Mary: Look at him! He is the same size as one of the dolls you sell here.
Glenn: Those are action figures.

Quote from the episode Potato Salad, a Broomstick, and Dad's Whiskey

Pastor Jeff: This morning, while Selena was in the shower, I went through her purse and I took the credit card.
Mary: Oh, my.
Pastor Jeff: Now, do you think that's stealing, or is it doing the right thing? You know, saving us from bankruptcy and whatnot?
Mary: Wow. Um, yeah, that's complicated. Um going through her purse is probably wrong, but on the other hand ... well, there is no other hand.

Quote from the episode A Solar Calculator, a Game Ball, and a Cheerleader's Bosom

George Sr.: You think Sheldon's right?
Mary: About what?
George Sr.: The punting and the math.
Mary: I should think so. He's been doing our taxes since he's six years old. We never been audited.
George Sr.: That's true.
Mary: He even got us that nice refund last year.

Quote from the episode Rockets, Communists, and the Dewey Decimal System

George Sr.: What?
Mary: These gentlemen are with the FBI. They want to talk to Sheldon.
George Sr.: What? Y-You fellas must have made a mistake. Sheldon's nine.
FBI Agent #2: Well, someone living at this address recently called a mining operation in Canada and tried to buy uranium.
Mary: Okay, maybe it's not a mistake.

Quote from the episode A Loaf of Bread and a Grand Old Flag

Mary: Not a good time, Brenda.
Brenda Sparks: I don't want your boy playing with my boy anymore.
Mary: Excuse me? [PHONE RINGING] Someone get that.
Brenda Sparks: I just saw Sheldon on the news. He doesn't need to be filling Billy's head with crazy commie ideas.
Mary: Crazier than sitting on an egg and trying to hatch it? 'Cause I saw your precious son do that the other day.

Quote from the episode Dolomite, Apple Slices, and a Mystery Woman

Mary: Where were we?
Sheldon: Different kinds of maturity.
Mary: That's right. There's emotional maturity, physical maturity, all things that have nothing to do with being smart.
Sheldon: Are you suggesting I'm not emotionally mature?
Mary: I was hinting at it.

Quote from the episode A Dog, a Squirrel, and a Fish Named Fish

George Sr.: All right. Everyone's upset, it's late. Maybe we should drop this for tonight?
Herschel Sparks: That's a good idea.
Mary: Okay. You just keep your dog away from my son.
George Sr.: There you go picking it up again.
Mary: I am sorry, but their dog broke into our home. Something he probably learned from your brother.
Brenda Sparks: How dare you.
Herschel Sparks: Okay, I think that's a good stopping point.