Sheldon: Regardless, I'm not interested in making any more friends.
Mary: Oh, I don't think that's how you really feel.
Sheldon: It is. From now on, it's a hermit's life for me.
Mary: I bet, when you grow up, you will be surrounded by lots of smart, wonderful friends.
Sheldon: I can't see that happening.

Pastor Jeff: And now George's loving wife Mary would like to say a few words. Mary.
Mary: Thank you, Pastor Jeff. Um... [clears throat] I met George in high school. Well, I was in high school. He was an older man with a motorcycle. [light laughter] I'd like to tell you he caught my eye, but actually it was the motorcycle. [laughter] [voice breaking] I'm sorry, I can't... do this. I am... so angry. [sighs] George and I had our ups and downs, but we were finally in such a good place, and then he... left. [crying] He left all of us. I- How could you do that? [Meemaw stands up] I am so mad at him. I'm mad at God, I'm mad at myself for not trying harder while he was here. [Meemaw goes up to Mary] This wasn't supposed to happen. [Mary sobs] [Meemaw hugs Mary] [Georgie hugs a crying Missy]

Sheldon: Mom, when should I be expecting my testicles?
Woman: [turns around] What is wrong with him?
Mary: Nothing is wrong with him. Now turn around before I knock your lights out.
Sheldon: Hello.

Sheldon: Do you think Georgie got a tattoo in jail?
Mary: No.
Sheldon: Do you think Meemaw did?
Mary: Probably.

Mary: We're hiring a youth pastor.
Sheldon: Why?
Mary: To help get young kids excited about God.
Missy: The same God who lets babies get thrown in rivers?
Mary: What?
Sheldon: We covered Moses in Sunday school.
Mary: Oh. Well, that was Old Testament God. He gets more fun later.

Mary: You really didn't want to take that family portrait, did you? [kisses her hand and places it on George's forehead] See you later.

Mary: All right, Tam. I decided I was gonna make you a real Texas dinner. Barbecued chicken and brisket.
Tam: Thank you.
Mary: Well, I figured you were probably tired of stuff wiggling around on your plate.

Mary: I pray that you protect Sheldon in all that he does.
Sheldon: What are you doing?
Mary: I'm praying for you.
Sheldon: She needs it more than I do.
Mary: You think I didn't start with her?

Mary: So, then, was there no big blowup when he left?
Brenda Sparks: Not really.
Mary: Well, what happened?
Brenda Sparks: Let's see... We used to be happy. Little by little, we weren't. Then there was bickering, then there was silence, and then... it was over.
Mary: I mean... all couples bicker, right?
Meemaw: You worried about you and George?
Mary: Of course.
Brenda Sparks: I'm sure you guys will be fine.
Meemaw: And if it doesn't work out, I'd be happy to introduce you to Butt Crack Bob over here. [laughs]

Mary: When do we get to sit down with her and talk this through?
Georgie: Ah, yeah, here's the thing about that: she ain't real eager to meet y'all.
Mary: Why not?
Meemaw: Did you want to meet George's parents when he knocked you up?
Mary: I was not "knocked up," I was with child. And he's right there. [Georgie waves to Meemaw]

Mary: All right, what do you know?
George: Well, they're probably gonna have to pay some fine, and-and they're gonna need cash.
Mary: My son is gonna be in jail overnight?
George: What about your mother?
Mary: Oh, she's been there before.

Sheldon: Mark my words, string theory is going to be the next big thing.
Mary: What does it do?
Sheldon: It explains the fundamental forces of the universe. How everything works, where everything came from.
Mary: I know where it all came from. [points to the heavens]
Sheldon: Mother, we're in the sky. Why are you pointing up?

Mary: Well, Mandy said that you don't go to church that often, so... how Catholic could you be?
Audrey: That's a funny question coming from a woman who left her own church.
Mary: I went back. And... my granddaughter is not gonna be raised Catholic. She's gonna worship Jesus, not the Pope.
Audrey: We don't worship the Pope.
Mary: Well y'all sure bought him a pretty fancy car.

Mary: [sings] Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur. Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr, purr, purr.
Sheldon: Sing it again, Mom.
Mary: First, blow your nose.
Sheldon: [blows nose]
Mary: [sings] Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur. Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr, purr, purr.

Mary: Sheldon Lee Cooper, if you don't finish that pork chop, I swear I will chew it up and spit it in your mouth like a mama bird.
Missy: Do it, Mom. Do it.