Georgie: Thanks for waking me up.
Mary: I woke you up 40 minutes ago.
Georgie: Well, you didn't do a very good job.

Mary: Well, I am happy to report that my potato salad is once again the hit of the potluck.
George: That's great, honey.
Mary: I feel bad for Pam Staples. No one's touching her potato salad.
Sheldon: If you feel bad, then why are you smiling?
Meemaw: 'Cause sometimes your mommy's a big ol' hypocrite.

Meemaw: I'm in the prime of my life. I got my water aerobics and my salsa dancing and my bowling league.
Mary: But you love your grandchildren.
Meemaw: I love ice cream, too, but I don't want to eat it from 3:00 to 6:00 five days a week.
Mary: Well, I'm very disappointed.
Meemaw: And I'm fine with that.

Missy: How come you're not eating your snack?
Sheldon: I prefer my snack to be a reward for homework well done.
Missy: You're like an old person.
Sheldon: Thank you.

Sheldon: Why were you sneaking around out there?
Missy: Yeah, you scared us.
Meemaw: I was checking up on you two. And in case you're wondering, you scared me back.
Sheldon: Well, why didn't you knock?
Meemaw: Because you two are supposed to be doing this on your own.
Missy: And you don't think we can.
Meemaw: Of course I do. I'm the one who told your mother that you were fine by yourselves in the first place.
Sheldon: Then why were you checking up on us?
Meemaw: That's called being two-faced.

Georgie: You're really gonna leave these two alone?
Mary: Yes.
Georgie: That's a brave choice.

Adult Sheldon: Of all the afflictions that can befall a child, one reigns supreme. Beyond scraped knees and paper cuts, nothing strikes fear into the hearts of kids around the world like a splinter.

Mary: Starting next Monday, I'm gonna take a full-time job at the church.
Sheldon: Well, who's going to take care of us?
Mary: Well, nothing will change in the morning I'll make breakfast, take you both to school. Then, after school, you'll come home, do your homework, watch TV, play with your toys till I come home around 6:00.
Sheldon: Well, why can't Meemaw take care of us?
George: 'Cause she's not the person you think she is.
Mary: George!

George: Look, this job is important to your mother. We expect you both to step up and be responsible.
Sheldon: I can do that.
George: Missy?
Missy: I'm thinking about it.
Georgie: Very brave.

George: Hey, it's Dad. How you guys doing?
Missy: We're great.
George: Glad to hear it.
Missy: I'm watching TV, and Sheldon's reading quietly.
George: I knew you could handle this. I'm proud of you.
Missy: You know what? I'm proud of us, too.
George: Okay, baby doll, I'll be home in a couple hours.
Missy: Stay out all night. We got this.
George: Wha- Love you, too.

Pastor Jeff: I don't know if you've heard, but our church secretary, Elizabeth Sohinki, is currently seeking treatment for a little problem with shall we say "under-the-counter" medications.
Mary: Oh, so that rumor's true.
Pastor Jeff: Mm-hmm.
Mary: Well, she did always seem extremely alert.
Pastor Jeff: Alert, shaky, sweaty.

Mary: God, please give me the strength to not spread this juicy gossip about Pastor Jeff.

Missy: What's your homework?
Sheldon: Non-Euclidean geometry. How about you?
Missy: "Symonyms".
Sheldon: You mean synonyms?
Missy: I'm pretty sure she said "symonyms".

Pastor Jeff: Howdy, Coopers! How we doing today?
Mary: Thank you, Pastor Jeff.
Pastor Jeff: Y'all remember my wife Selena.
Meemaw: Hi, Selena.
George: Oh, yeah.
Selena: ¿Qué tal?
Georgie: You're married to her?
Pastor Jeff: Why, yes, I am.
George: [QUIETLY]: You can think it, you don't need to say it.

Mary: How are you liking Medford, Selena?
Pastor Jeff: ¿Cómo te gusta Medford?
Selena: Nunca he estado tan aburrido en toda mi vida. [I've never been so bored in my entire life.]
Pastor Jeff: She likes it fine.
Mary: Oh.
Selena: Voy a fumar en el baño. [I'm going to go smoke in the bathroom.]
Pastor Jeff: She needs to use the little girls' room. Mary, could I talk to you for a second?
Mary: Sure.
Pastor Jeff: Don't worry. I'll bring her right back.
George: Wasn't worried, but okay.
Sheldon: His Spanish is terrible. That's not what she said at all.