Georgie: See? They ain't allowed to dance, either.
Missy: It's like I'm watching my life.
Georgie: That's how I feel when I'm watching Top Gun.

Meemaw: Where we eating tonight?
Dale: Well, that depends. Why don't you look in the glovebox and check on the Tums situation.
Meemaw: There's five.
Dale: Oh, my, this is tricky. Well, Mexican's at least three apiece.
Meemaw: We might get by with two each if it's Italian.
Dale: You get red wine and then tomato sauce. Hey, if they put lemon in the water, we're dead.
Meemaw: Hmm. That leaves barbecue.
Dale: Sold.
Meemaw: Who gets Tum number three?
Dale: Me. They're my Tums.

Dale: Now, what do you think young people talk about on their dates?
Meemaw: I don't know. But my knee's telling me it's gonna rain this weekend.

George: Come on, Sheldon, think of it as a free dinner.
Sheldon: I'm a kid. All my dinners are free.

Georgie: Here. [hands Missy a Footloose tape]
Missy: What is it?
Georgie: The answer to your problems.
Missy: Cool. What other tapes you got?
Georgie: Nature films. Don't worry about it.

President Hagemeyer: Gentlemen, please have a seat.
George: Sheldon's only been here a few weeks. I hope he's not in trouble already.
President Hagemeyer: What kind of trouble? Did something happen?
Sheldon: Ooh, maybe it's from when I decided...
George: Uh, uh, all good. Uh, you keep talking.

George: Okay, Sheldon, try having a conversation with Billy about science. Let's see. Uh, what do you know about quantum mechanics?
Billy Sparks: My dad's a mechanic. At his shop, he has a calendar with a bikini lady on it.
Sheldon: Dad...
George: Instead of losing patience, act interested and ask a follow-up question.
Sheldon: Your father's a mechanic. Interesting. You know what else is interesting? Quantum mechanics. That describes the basic particles and forces that make up reality. Let's talk about that.
Billy Sparks: I'm gonna marry that bikini lady.

Sheldon: I've been working on a theory about the wave-particle duality of light.
Billy Sparks: I have a nightlight that looks like Spider-Man, but I don't turn it on. [Sheldon looks at George]
George: Go ahead.
Sheldon: Why don't you turn it on?
Billy Sparks: I'm afraid of spiders.
George: Yeah, seems like a good place to stop.
Billy Sparks: Now what happens?
Sheldon: You go home.
Billy Sparks: Thank you for your hospitality.

Meemaw: Your ex-wife is a bitch.
Dale: I am so filled with love for you right now.

Adult Sheldon: College is a time for new experiences, being exposed to exciting ways of thinking, meeting people from different backgrounds, and the unexpected visit from your dad in gym shorts.
George: Hey.
Sheldon: What are you doing here?
George: I got a phone call. Apparently, the head of the college wants to talk to us.
Sheldon: Oh, good.
George: You sure it's good?
Sheldon: Well, it's better than what I thought when I saw you, which was, "Uh-oh, Meemaw died."

President Hagemeyer: All I'm asking you to do is to go to dinner, talk about science with a very nice and, more importantly, a very rich person.
Sheldon: Understood. No, thank you.
George: Buddy...
President Hagemeyer: All right, uh, Sheldon, I was brought to this school to help raise its profile, and one of the ways to do that is through grants and donations. You- You can understand that, right?
Sheldon: I understand that you would like to put the novelty of my age and advanced intellect on display to raise some cash.
President Hagemeyer: No. Sort of. [to George] Can I speak to you alone?
George: Will you give us a minute?
Sheldon: Very well. But if you're looking to see if my father will be a potential donor, you are barking up the wrong tree.

President Hagemeyer: So... how do we get your son to cooperate?
George: I've been asking myself that since day one.
President Hagemeyer: Look, I don't mean to put pressure on you, but there's a lot of pressure on me, so I'm going to put it on you.
George: Look, I'm sorry, isn't there anyone else who can go to dinner with this guy?
President Hagemeyer: So I have a unicorn in my zoo, but I should trot out a goat, is that what you're saying? Would you donate a new library to have dinner with a goat?
George: What restaurant?
President Hagemeyer: Mr. Cooper, I need you to understand something. This university relies on donations for everything. For upkeep, for salaries, for scholarships, like the one your son is currently on.
George: I'll talk to him.
President Hagemeyer: Thank you. And when you go to dinner, wear real pants.

George: Is what they're asking really that bad?
Sheldon: Yes. I go to this university to study science, not to help collect money like an organ grinder's monkey.
George: You see me go to the rallies and fundraisers at the high school. I don't love it, but I do it.
Sheldon: And I hope they give you all the bananas you can eat.
George: Sheldon, donors like this are very helpful for the university. They pay for all the science equipment and your scholarship.
Sheldon: I hadn't thought of it that way.
George: So I'll tell 'em we're on for Saturday?
Sheldon: I'll think about it.
George: What's to think about? It's a night of you showing off how smart you are.
Sheldon: People do like that. All right, I'm in.

George: Hey. I just got off the phone with President Hagemeyer. This guy we're gonna have dinner with sounds pretty interesting. He made all of his money selling antistatic furniture for laboratories.
Sheldon: He's not even a scientist? He's just a furniture salesman?
George: Yeah.
Sheldon: What am I supposed to talk about?
George: Talk about whatever you want. Just... don't be insulting.
Sheldon: What if he says something I think is ridiculous?
George: Keep it to yourself.
Sheldon: What if you just said something I think is ridiculous? Because...
George: Okay, maybe we need to work a little on your conversation skills, like not calling people out for saying stupid things.
Sheldon: How am I supposed to practice that?
[cut to Sheldon answering the door to Billy Sparks:]
Billy Sparks: What's up?

Mary: Did you show your sister Footloose?
Georgie: Did it work?
Mary: No!
Georgie: Mm. Then no.
Mary: Oh!