Adult Sheldon: Ignoring things that irritate me isn't my strong suit. Obsessively fixating on them, now that's what gets me out of bed in the morning.

Adult Sheldon: My father's wisdom touched me deeply. Which is why, to this day, no matter what I'm going through, I am never irritating or abusive to any of my friends or loved ones. Ask them. They'll tell you.

Billy Sparks: Hey, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Hello, Billy.
Billy Sparks: Are you our new paperboy?
Sheldon: Yes, I'm joining the work-a-day world.
Billy Sparks: I work, too! I take care of our chickens.
Sheldon: Don't get the wrong idea. When I grow up, I plan on being a theoretical physicist.
Billy Sparks: Cool. I'm sticking with chickens.
Sheldon: All righty then. Have a nice day.
Billy Sparks: You, too. [looking at the newspaper] Oh, cool, it's Monday.

Ms. MacElroy: Mr. Cooper, you're late.
Sheldon: I know I'm late. My training wheels broke.
Derek: Training wheels?
Sheldon: Yes, Derek! I have training wheels like a child! I also have a job like an adult. I'm a very complicated person!
Ms. MacElroy: Sure. Let's go with complicated.

Sheldon: When does the truck bring the papers?
Georgie: When it does.
Sheldon: That's a tautology.
Georgie: What?
Sheldon: A tautology. A statement that's true, but uninformative. Hey, you're supposed to be the one teaching me. That's funny.

Sheldon: Ew. Georgie, put your shoes back on!
Georgie: He can't smell this.
Sheldon: Yes, I can!

Sheldon: Do you know anything about surviving psychological torture?
Tam: Because my family escaped communist Vietnam, we have to know about torture?
Sheldon: That was my thought.

Sheldon: Collecting! Collecting!
Brenda Sparks: Hey, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Hello, Mrs. Sparks. I'm here to collect for this week's paper delivery.
Brenda Sparks: Right. Hang on.
Sheldon: Also, I'm given to understand that tipping is customary, so feel free to express your appreciation.
Brenda Sparks: Here you go.
Sheldon: You tipped me a dime?
Brenda Sparks: Is there a problem?
Sheldon: No, it just doesn't seem like very much.
Brenda Sparks: You were late every day.
Sheldon: Well, I had to brave the elements.
Brenda Sparks: I saw you. "Brave" isn't the word that I would use. [cackles]

George: You want to explain yourself?
Sheldon: I'd rather just go to bed, since I have to be up in a few hours anyway.
George: Look, I understand you're tired, but that is no reason for you-
Sheldon: I'm not just tired. I'm exhausted. Everything hurts. I get up in the morning to do this job I don't even like. And I'm doing it just for the money, and it's not even a lot of money. I keep trying harder and harder, and it doesn't even make a difference. So if you're going to yell at me or punish me, let's just get it over with.
George: I'm not gonna punish you.
Sheldon: Why not? I deserve it.
George: Let me tell you about my day. I got yelled at by the principal for benching a linebacker who's flunking English. Then I got yelled at even more by the kid's parents. Then I had to break up a fight in the locker room. Got elbowed in the neck.
Sheldon: That's a rough day.
George: That was all before 10:00 a.m. So I get what you're going through. But you'll notice, I didn't come home and take it out on you.
Sheldon: No, you didn't.
George: I want you to get back in there, apologize to everyone, and finish your dinner.
Sheldon: Yes, sir.

Billy Sparks: Hey, Sheldon. You look sad.
Sheldon: I am.
Billy Sparks: Want an egg?

Sheldon: [knock knock knock] Georgie? [knock knock knock] Georgie?
Georgie: What?
Sheldon: I'm ready to scrub the moral stain off my character.
Georgie: I hate everything about you.
Sheldon: [knock knock knock]

Adult Sheldon: To say this first day was challenging would be an understatement. To say the rest of the week got better from there would be the kind of lie that sets pants on fire.

Tam: Since when do you drink coffee?
Sheldon: I don't, but this job is killing me. You wouldn't understand.
Tam: You realize I have a job.
Sheldon: At your parents' convenience store? That doesn't count.
Tam: Why not?
Sheldon: You get to sit at a cash register and have the fun of doing math.
Tam: Actually, the cash register tells you how much change to give.
Sheldon: Oh. That's too bad.

Adult Sheldon: And by some people, I mean everyone. While I may not be X-Men material, I have always possessed unusually heightened senses.

Meemaw: Then why are you in my bed?
Sheldon: I couldn't sleep. Our refrigerator is making a weird noise. But so was one of your nostrils, so don't expect me back tonight.