George Jr.: Remember, the smart cheater gets some answers wrong.

Dr. Linkletter: So, the problem that I'm running into is I can't get the inner sphere to remain suspended in the buffer liquid.
Sheldon: Have you tried wrapping the sphere in copper wire?
Dr. Linkletter: I did, but it just slips out.
Sheldon: Perhaps we could suspend it in some sort of sleeve.
Dr. Linkletter: That would prevent light from getting through.
Sheldon: Hmm. [strokes chin] I wonder if my thinking would be more effective if I had a beard to stroke. It's one of the few aspects of puberty I'm looking forward to.

Pastor Jeff: Get this. I drove past the Methodist church and you know what the sign out front said?
Mary: What?
Pastor Jeff: "Friendship, pirate ship, try the best ship... worship."
Mary: Clever.
Pastor Jeff: That was our sign last year! I wrote that!
Mary: Isn't the most important thing that it might get more people to go to church?
Pastor Jeff: But whoever did it has the sin of stealing on their soul now, so at least there's that.
Mary: There you go.

Dr. John Sturgis: [on the phone] So tell me about this experiment.
Meemaw: Well, I don't know if you know this, but solar neutrinos are like little messengers from the center of the Sun.
Dr. John Sturgis: I did know that, but it's delightful to hear you say it.
Meemaw: Well, enjoy, 'cause that's about all I remember. [John laughs] So, what's new by you?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, let's see... Uh, oh, yesterday I had my first breakfast burrito.
Meemaw: Mm. Good for you. How was it?
Dr. John Sturgis: Confusing. I ordinarily have burritos for lunch or dinner.
Meemaw: [laughs] I don't know how to respond to that.
Dr. John Sturgis: You're working on an experiment and I'm eating dinner for breakfast. It's a crazy world.

Dr. John Sturgis: [answers phone] John Sturgis.
Meemaw: Hey, John.
Dr. John Sturgis: Connie. So nice to hear from you.
Meemaw: You'll never guess what I'm doing.
Dr. John Sturgis: Tell me.
Meemaw: I am working on a solar neutrino detector.
Dr. John Sturgis: Wow. I was gonna guess making soft-boiled eggs. [both chuckle]
Meemaw: Yeah, Sheldon and Linkletter asked me to help them out.
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh. Linkletter's involved.
Meemaw: Oh, well, he's not so bad.
Dr. John Sturgis: [laughs] You and he aren't...?
Meemaw: Oh, no, no, no. I'm still seeing Dale.
Dr. John Sturgis: Okay, good. I can handle you with a guy who sells volleyballs, but you with another scientist, that'd be like a dagger in the heart.
Meemaw: [chuckles] No daggers here.

Dr. Linkletter: Perhaps we could create some sort of a cocoon to suspend it.
Sheldon: Out of wire?
Dr. Linkletter: Or nylon. But I wouldn't know how to weave it around a sphere.
Meemaw: I'm not a genius, but it sounds to me like what y'all are talking about is, uh, crochet.
Dr. Linkletter: I suppose we are.
Meemaw: Because with crochet, you can make all kinds of shapes.
Dr. Linkletter: Intriguing.
Meemaw: Hell, I even crocheted a cover for Jolene.
Dr. Linkletter: I'm sorry?
Meemaw: That's my bowling ball.
Sheldon: She likes to name inanimate objects... it's odd.
Dr. Linkletter: Or whimsically charming.

Missy: I think Pastor Jeff and Mrs. Sparks might be talking about Billy.
Mary: What's going on with Billy?
Missy: He's been getting in trouble at school.
Mary: How is that fun?
Missy: It's gossip. Gossip's fun.
Mary: [sighs] Poor thing. Brenda did say he was having trouble adjusting. Maybe I should see if she's doing okay later.
George Sr.: Great idea. [to Missy] I'm not walking, good job.

Mr. Givens: Would you like to explain why this was on the copy machine?
George Jr.: Anyone could have left that there.
Mr. Givens: It's your brother's and Tam said it was you.
George Jr.: Fine, but I only left it there because you came in the copy room and I had to hide.
Mr. Givens: What? When? What?
George Jr.: This morning before school.
Mr. Givens: [exhales] Uh... What exactly did you see?
George Jr.: I don't want to talk about it.
Mr. Givens: Well, I don't want you talking about it.
George Jr.: Well, I don't want you talking about this.
Mr. Givens: I don't even know what this is.
George Jr.: I don't even know what I saw.
Mr. Givens: All right, then.
George Jr.: All right.

Meemaw: Wow. Look at those beautiful neutrinos.
Sheldon: Those aren't neutrinos.
Meemaw: What are you talking about? That's what we're looking for.
Sheldon: That's just radioactivity.
Meemaw: Well, then, when do we find the neutrinos?
Dr. Linkletter: We don't. This is just the prototype.
Meemaw: You kidding me?
Sheldon: The actual device needed would be the size of a building.
Dr. Linkletter: And that's 20 to 30 years away.
Meemaw: Well, I could be dead by then.
Sheldon: You still may have helped advance science.
Dr. Linkletter: Unless another team beats us to it.
Sheldon: Yeah.
Meemaw: I'm gonna wait in the car.
Sheldon: If it helps, in 30 years, I should still be alive. [to Dr. Linkletter] Boy, you'd think she'd be happy about that.

Meemaw: So what's with the box?
Sheldon: The experiment needs to be in complete darkness to work.
Dr. Linkletter: We watch these monitors for the results. Okay, all that's left is to turn on the cameras. Sheldon, will you get the lights?
Sheldon: Yes, sir.
Meemaw: Is that to make it more dramatic?
Dr. Linkletter: It's so that we can better see the flashes on the monitor. But a little drama never hurts. [Meemaw chuckles]

Meemaw: I think this might be my finest work.
Sheldon: And she made my dinner mittens, so that means a lot.
Dr. Linkletter: Oh. I can't thank you enough. Shall we apply the empirical method?
Meemaw: Yes, the empirical method. Let's apply that.

Adult Sheldon: Being a good entrepreneur, my brother realized his supply of my old tests was limited. So he did something else he was good at: lie to my father.
George Jr.: Dad, you ever use the copy room at school?
George Sr.: Sometimes. Why?
George Jr.: I need to make some copies for a school project I'm working on.
George Sr.: Uh, it's not really for students. You know, they keep it locked.
George Jr.: So, you have a key?
George Sr.: I'm not giving you my key.
George Jr.: Why not?
George Sr.: Well, because I know you, and therefore don't trust you.
George Jr.: I told you, it's for school.
George Sr.: Great, then bring it by my office tomorrow and I'll make copies.
George Jr.: Never mind. [walks off]
George Sr.: It's not on my key chain!
George Jr.: Dang it.
Adult Sheldon: It was however, in my dad's drawer at work, leading my brother to do something he had never done before: get to school early.

Adult Sheldon: That night, my meemaw was so inspired to be part of our science experiment, she began working on it as soon as she got home. She was in the zone. She was focused. She was determined. She was also 68 and had eaten a lot of pizza.
Meemaw: [snoring]
[dream sequence:]
Announcer: [v.o.] And the Nobel Prize for Science goes to Connie Tucker! [applause]
Meemaw: Oh, my goodness, y'all are so sweet. [chuckles] I want to thank my brilliant grandson Sheldon and his pal Dr. Linkletter, for bringing me in on the experiment. I'd like to thank my Aunt Linda for teaching me to crochet when I was knee-high to a June bug. [laughter] And everyone, for making me... "The Meemaw of Science." [cheering, applause]
Audience: [chanting] Meemaw! Meemaw! Meemaw!

Meemaw: Can I ask... why exactly are we looking for solar neutrinos?
Sheldon: Other experiments have only seen about half the neutrinos coming from the Sun.
Dr. Linkletter: And we'd like to figure out why.
Meemaw: And what happens if we do?
Dr. Linkletter: They will tell us what kind of nuclear reactions are going on there.
Meemaw: In the Sun?
Dr. Linkletter: Yes.
Meemaw: That's so far... how?
Sheldon: Neutrinos are made deep within the core of the Sun. They have to go over a hundred times the radius of Earth just to get out.
Meemaw: Mm, kind of like how you can drive all day and still be in Texas.
Dr. Linkletter: Exactly, then they have to travel another 93 million miles just to get here.
Meemaw: Huh.
Sheldon: Neutrinos are essentially direct messengers from the center of the Sun.
Dr. Linkletter: That's why we're building the prototype.
Meemaw: And I get to be a part of it?
Dr. Linkletter: You do.
Meemaw: Damn. Is there any money in it?
Dr. Linkletter: No.
Meemaw: Damn.

Dr. Linkletter: [to Meemaw] I admire your bravado.
Sheldon: In this case, isn't it the feminine, "bravada"?
Dr. Linkletter: I've never heard the term "bravada." Let's just go with "chutzpah."
Sheldon: What's chutzpah?
Dr. Linkletter: It's like moxie.
Sheldon: Oh, I do like moxie.
Dr. Linkletter: [to Meemaw] I admire your moxie. However, I believe that nylon thread would be the best choice.
Sheldon: True, it's chemically inert and would allow more light to pass through.
Meemaw: Nylon thread. Done.
Dr. Linkletter: Brava. That one I know is a word.

Meemaw: So what am I making this thing out of?
Dr. Linkletter: We were using wire, but that might be difficult to crochet with.
Meemaw: Oh, please, I could crochet barbed wire with a chopstick if I had to.

Mary: Oh, um... I saw you and Brenda Sparks out for a walk this mornin'. That's fun.
Pastor Jeff: Yeah. Nice way to start the day.
Mary: Yeah. Um... I'd go with George, but he's a gym teacher, and as a group, they're not much for walkin'.
Pastor Jeff: Well, you keep asking, maybe he'll come around.
Mary: Good idea, thank you.
Pastor Jeff: It's not just witty church signs up here.

George Jr.: Do we have another hair dryer? This one broke.
George Sr.: Just use a towel.
George Jr.: So my hair can look like yours? I don't think so.
George Sr.: Go look in the garage.
George Jr.: Thank you. [exits]
George Sr.: [to himself] I like my hair.

Adult Sheldon: I may have been part of an academic study, but I wasn't the only Cooper on the verge of making a great discovery.
George Jr.: Sheldon's tests. [heavenly choir sings] I'm gonna be rich.

George Jr.: What if I told you you didn't have to study for your chemistry test tonight?
Tam: Why?
George Jr.: 'Cause I found this.
Tam: Cool. But how do you know we're gonna get the same test?
George Jr.: I checked... we've been taking the same ones all year.
Tam: And teachers call us lazy?
George Jr.: I know.

Tam: Well, thank you.
George Jr.: Hold on now. I ain't just givin' it away.
Tam: How much?
George Jr.: Five bucks.
Tam: It's worth it. If I get another B, my mom will kill me.
George Jr.: Hey, I don't just sell tests. I bring families together.

Adult Sheldon: My role as Dr. Linkletter's lab assistant was progressing nicely. I had mastered operating the manual particle collector, aka a broom. I may not always recognize sarcasm, but I sure know how to use it.
Dr. Linkletter: Sheldon, I've hit a bit of a roadblock with the solar neutrino detector. Why don't you come have a look?
Sheldon: Are you saying you would like me to take part in your experiment?
Dr. Linkletter: Well, I think a fresh set of eyes might be helpful.
Sheldon: Because my previous observations proved correct?
Dr. Linkletter: Yes.
Sheldon: And had you listened to me, the lab wouldn't have caught fire?
Dr. Linkletter: Yes.
Sheldon: So just to be clear, at the tender age of 11, I'll be officially participating in an academic study.
Dr. Linkletter: Will you do it or not?
Sheldon: Absolutely. [hands Dr. Linkletter the broom] Here you go.
Dr. Linkletter: What am I supposed to do with this?
Sheldon: Well, if you can't figure that out, no wonder you need my help.

Sheldon: I never thought a sphere suspended in mineral oil could be so exciting.
Dr. Linkletter: Eight minutes and it hasn't moved. So far so good.
Sheldon: Oh, boy, my heart is pounding. I hope I don't turn into an adrenaline junkie.

Meemaw: What's going on in there?
Sheldon: This is a prototype of a solar neutrino detector. We need to keep the sphere suspended precisely in the scintillator.
Dr. Linkletter: Speaking of scintillating...
Meemaw: No.
Dr. Linkletter: Sorry. [the sphere falls]
Sheldon: Darn it.
Dr. Linkletter: Ah, the oil must've dissolved the adhesive.
Meemaw: Well... ready to hit the road?
Sheldon: Please, not yet. We're so close to cracking this.
Dr. Linkletter: Just ten more minutes?
Meemaw: Fine.
Sheldon: Oh, boy.
Dr. Linkletter: Yes!

Dr. Linkletter: Connie, would you help us detect solar neutrinos?
Meemaw: Really? You-you-you want me to be a part of your science thing?
Dr. Linkletter: Indeed.
Meemaw: Well... sure, why not.
Dr. Linkletter: [chuckles] Excellent.
Adult Sheldon: And just like that, my meemaw had been seduced by the siren call of science.
Meemaw: But before we unravel the secrets of the universe, I'm gonna hit the john.
Dr. Linkletter: Oh... of course.

Missy: Where is everyone?
George Sr.: Georgie's out and Sheldon's at the university with Meemaw.
Missy: A lot of pressure on me to keep things fun.

Mary: Hey, I was thinking after dinner, maybe you and I could go out for a walk.
George Sr.: Why?
Mary: Pastor Jeff and Brenda have been doing it, might be nice.
George Sr.: So go with them.
Missy: They didn't invite her. She was all upset about it.
George Sr.: [clears throat] Well, you get left out and I get punished?
Mary: A walk with your wife is punishment?
George Sr.: [to Missy] You're up, say somethin' fun.

Adult Sheldon: I wasn't even at that school, and I was still boosting its grade point average.
Donald: You got biology?
George Jr.: Depends. You got money?
Donald: Yeah.
George Jr.: I got biology.

Ms. Hutchins: I've got to get back to the library.
Mr. Givens: Oh, but this is so much more fun than books.
Ms. Hutchins: Will I be seeing you tonight?
Mr. Givens: Oh, you'll be seeing all of me. [Georgie grimaces]

Brenda Sparks: [answers phone] Hello?
Mary: Hey, Brenda. It's Mary.
Brenda Sparks: Oh. Hey.
Mary: Hi. I was just checking in, seeing how you're doing.
Brenda Sparks: How am I doing about what?
Mary: Well, I heard that Billy might be having a tough time at school.
Brenda Sparks: Well, you know what, he'll be fine, so thanks for calling.
Mary: Okay. Um, if there's anything I can do, or if you ever want to talk...?
Brenda Sparks: Good to know. Anything else?
Mary: Uh, no, that was it.
Brenda Sparks: Okay. Bye. [hangs up]

Brenda Sparks: What now?
Mary: I feel like I might've overstepped my bounds last night, so I just wanted to bring you these and apologize.
Brenda Sparks: Thank you.
Mary: And I did mean it. If you ever need to talk, I'm here.
Brenda Sparks: Appreciate it.
Mary: Okay. [starts to walk off]
Brenda Sparks: It's more than Billy. Herschel moved out.
Mary: Oh, Brenda, I'm so sorry.
Brenda Sparks: Do you want to come in?
Mary: Of course.

Dr. Linkletter: All right, here we go. Commencement of the solar neutrino detector prototype in three, two, one. [whirring]
Meemaw: I don't see anything.
Dr. Linkletter: Give it a moment. [flashes of light on screen]
Meemaw: Is that it?
Sheldon: That's it.
Meemaw: [gasps] We did it.
Dr. Linkletter: Phase one is a success.
Sheldon: Congratulations.

Missy: Whatcha looking at?
Mary: Uh, just Pastor Jeff and Mrs. Sparks.
Missy: They were out there the other day, too.
Mary: Oh.
Missy: How come you don't go with them?
Mary: They didn't invite me.
Missy: Ouch. Rough start to your day.