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58Quotes from ‘A Research Study and Czechoslovakian Wedding Pastries’

A Research Study and Czechoslovakian Wedding Pastries

205. A Research Study and Czechoslovakian Wedding Pastries

Aired October 18, 2018

When Dr. Sturgis introduces Sheldon and Missy to university researchers studying twins, Sheldon's pleasure at having his intellect recognised is tested after they look at emotional intelligence. Meanwhile, George and Mary reconsider their parenting style when Missy's results surprise them.

Quote from Dr. John Sturgis

George Sr.: So, what's up? You comin' to me to ask for Connie's hand in marriage?
Dr. John Sturgis: No. But if that were to come to pass, are you authorized to bless the union?
Meemaw: He was joking.
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh.

Quote from Meemaw

Dr. John Sturgis: So, some colleagues of mine at the university are doing a research study on twins. I told them about Sheldon and his sister, and they were most intrigued.
George Sr.: Uh, what kind of study?
Dr. John Sturgis: It's a longitudinal investigation of environmental and genetic factors in the development of cognitive and other capacities in pairs of fraternal and identical twins.
Meemaw: You asked.

Quote from Meemaw

George Sr.: Well, geez, I don't I don't know if I want some scientists pokin' and proddin' the kids.
Meemaw: Oh, but they wouldn't be poked and prodded. They just have to, you know, answer some questions.
Dr. John Sturgis: And maybe some puzzles and tests.
George Sr.: That's not too bad. Where is it?
Dr. John Sturgis: Houston.
George Sr.: Oh, it just got bad. That's that's a long drive.
Dr. John Sturgis: It does pay $50 an hour plus gas and expenses.
George Sr.: Really?
Meemaw: I told you to start with that.

Quote from George Sr.

George Sr.: Listen, why don't we just go there this Saturday and give it a try?
Mary: And if you don't like it, we don't have to do it again.
George Sr.: Or they'll love it, and they'll do it till they're 18, 19 years old.
Sheldon: I already love it.
George Sr.: My man. Missy? I believe there might be a Dairy Queen on the way there.
Missy: Can I get an Oreo Blizzard?
George Sr.: You know what I think? I think you're smarter than him.

Quote from Missy

Dr. John Sturgis: Dr. Thorpe and Dr. Pilson, here are your research volunteers, Sheldon and Missy.
Dr. Edward Pilson: So nice to meet you.
Dr. Sandra Thorpe: Thank you for participating in our study.
Sheldon: Always happy to help advance our understanding of me.
Missy: I'm just in it for the Dairy Queen.

Quote from Meemaw

Meemaw: You're not gonna get much out of Fred and Wilma here. Why don't you just get crackin' on the kids?

Quote from Sheldon

Dr. Edward Pilson: Okay, Sheldon, this first battery of tests measures basic problem-solving abilities.
Sheldon: Is the Kaufman test or the Wechsler Intelligence Scale?
Dr. Edward Pilson: Are you familiar with those?
Sheldon: It's embarrassing, but I enjoy a little light reading in the bathroom.

Quote from Missy

Dr. Sandra Thorpe: Okay, Missy, the first thing we're gonna do is test your problem-solving ability.
Missy: Okay.
Dr. Sandra Thorpe: You ready?
Missy: I just have one question.
Dr. Sandra Thorpe: What's that?
Missy: Do you always wear your hair up?
Dr. Sandra Thorpe: Uh, well, usually at work, yes.
Missy: I bet it looks cute down.
Dr. Sandra Thorpe: Thank you. Okay, you're all set.
Missy: Is that camera gonna be on?
Dr. Sandra Thorpe: Yes.
Missy: Can you move it over to that side?
Dr. Sandra Thorpe: Why?
Missy: If I've learned one thing from school picture day, it's that I look better from that side.
Dr. Sandra Thorpe: Sure, I'll move it.
Missy: Okay. And bring it a little closer.
Dr. Sandra Thorpe: How's that?
Missy: Great.
Dr. Sandra Thorpe: Okay. Whenever you're ready.
Missy: Wait. Do I have any Oreos in my teeth?
Dr. Sandra Thorpe: No. Ready to start?
Missy: One last thing. Did you ever think of wearing that white coat with a belt?
Dr. Sandra Thorpe: No.
Missy: You should. 'Cause you have a very nice figure, and it's lost in there.

Quote from Missy

Missy: This question about a train going to "S" "T" Louis makes no sense.

Quote from Meemaw

Meemaw: I think they found his kryptonite.

Quote from Missy

Dr. Sandra Thorpe: Missy, what do you think is happening in this picture?
Missy: The girl monkey on the couch is telling the guy monkey a secret. Must be something juicy, 'cause he's smiling.
Dr. Sandra Thorpe: Anything else?
Missy: It might be dirty, 'cause this girl monkey is sending the kid monkey out of the room. He doesn't want to go. He looks sad.
Dr. Sandra Thorpe: Is that all?
Missy: The monkeys on the couch are drinking tea, so it's a tea party.
Dr. Sandra Thorpe: Okay, very good. Let's look at another picture.
Missy: I'm not done. The monkey in the painting is wearing an old lady hat, so she's probably a meemaw monkey. She's not at the party, so she must be bowling or dead.

Quote from Missy

Missy: Oh, she's very upset. I don't know why. Oh! Maybe she wasn't invited to the tea party at the monkey house. Also, she's wearing a belt, like you are. Nice going. Very cute. And I'm loving the hair.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: A lion sitting in a chair, holding a pipe.
Dr. Edward Pilson: Good. But what do you think is on his mind?
Sheldon: How should I know? Maybe he's wondering why he's posing for a silly picture instead of eating a gazelle.

Quote from Sheldon

Dr. Edward Pilson: Anything else?
Sheldon: What exactly are we doing here? I thought the purpose of this study was to find out how smart I am.
Dr. Edward Pilson: That's what we're doing, but there are different kinds of intelligence.
Sheldon: Poppycock! There's only one kind of intelligence.

Quote from Missy

Dr. Sandra Thorpe: You are an insightful young lady.
Missy: I don't know what that means, but thank you.
Dr. Sandra Thorpe: It means perceptive. You see things most people miss.
Missy: My name is Missy go figure.

Quote from Missy

Missy: Hey, what's up with you and Dr. Pillsbury?
Dr. Sandra Thorpe: Dr. Pilson? I don't know what you're talking about.
Missy: Oh. You can't say 'cause we're on camera. Insightful.

Quote from Missy

Missy: George, you got a minute?
George Jr.: What's up?
Missy: Not you, him.
George Sr.: What?
Missy: Sheldon told me that we get paid to go to that college and answer their questions.
George Sr.: Yeah, so?
Missy: I want to know how much we're making.
George Sr.: Why?
Missy: 'Cause I want my fair share.
George Sr.: Is that so? What do you think your fair share is?
Missy: Half.
George Sr.: Hm, guess that sounds right.
Missy: So how much are we making?
George Sr.: $7.50 a week.
Missy: Really?
George Sr.: Really.
Missy: Well, I want half that.
George Sr.: Which is?
Missy: Hang on. Sheldon!

Quote from Dr. John Sturgis

Dr. John Sturgis: Boy, this brings back some memories.
Sheldon: How come?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, when I was your age, I was also taken to a university to be studied.
Sheldon: Because they thought you were really smart?
Dr. John Sturgis: Because they thought I was clinically insane.

Quote from Dr. John Sturgis

Dr. John Sturgis: He's like a young version of me, but without corrective shoes.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Get it! Get it!
Missy: It's just a spider. Calm down.
Sheldon: It's got eight legs and fangs. I see no reason to be calm.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Did you kill it?
Missy: Yup.
Sheldon: Are you sure?
Missy: You tell me. [pointing the shoe at Sheldon]
[Sheldon screams and runs away]

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: The bond between twins is an incredibly close one, which is why I moved 1,500 miles to California the first chance I got.

Quote from George Sr.

George Sr.: No. See, Mary, that's the best part There's no pokin' and proddin'.

Quote from Mary

Mary: But Sheldon's already self-conscious about being different from other kids. I worry how this might affect him.
George Sr.: You're being too protective. He's a rock.
Mary: A rock? Are we raising the same child?

Quote from Mary

George Sr.: So, Sheldon, Missy, we got some exciting news.
Sheldon: Georgie took a bath?
George Jr.: No. And how come I don't get exciting news?
George Sr.: This isn't about you.
Mary: But after dinner, why don't you go rinse off?

Quote from George Jr.

George Jr.: Why don't they want to test me?
George Sr.: Georgie, not now.
George Jr.: 'Cause I'm available.

Quote from Sheldon

Dr. Sandra Thorpe: Um, if you two wouldn't mind waiting here, we'd like to start by talking to your mom, dad, and grandma.
Missy: Why?
Dr. Edward Pilson: Just to get some background information on the both of you.
Sheldon: Smart. Ask how old I was when I completed potty training. You won't believe it.

Quote from Sheldon

Dr. John Sturgis: Did you know that when Albert Einstein was a little boy, his parents worried there was something wrong with him?
Missy: Because he couldn't comb his hair?
Dr. John Sturgis: No, that was a choice he made later in life. When he was young, he wanted nothing to do with other children, and would often have extreme temper tantrums.
Missy: He sounds like you.
Sheldon: I know. Isn't it great?

Quote from Meemaw

Mary: Well, to be perfectly honest, Sheldon has always avoided children his own age.
George Sr.: Tell 'em about temper tantrums.
Mary: They're not temper tantrums, he just has strong opinions.
Meemaw: [CHUCKLES] Yeah, like when you yell and stomp your feet, and slam the door off its hinge. They're scientists. You can't trick 'em.

Quote from Meemaw

Mary: And, as for Missy, she's just the opposite. Loves to be around people and other kids. Makes friends easy.
Dr. Sandra Thorpe: Does she have temper tantrums as well?
Mary: Nope. She's very even-keeled.
George Sr.: Except for when she's eating. You put your hand near her face when she's working on a lamb chop, she will bite off a finger.
Mary: [LAUGHS] Our daughter doesn't bite.
Meemaw: Right here, Thanksgiving, 1986.

Quote from Mary

Dr. Sandra Thorpe: Was there anything unusual about your pregnancy?
Mary: No, not that I remember.
George Sr.: Really? You cried for, like, seven months.
Mary: Those were tears of joy. [WEAK LAUGH]
George Sr.: What about all those times you punched me?
Mary: Punches of joy.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Hot dog, syllogisms. "If all squares are parallelograms, and all squares are rectangles, then some parallelograms are rectangles." Who was this test made for, children?

Quote from George Sr.

George Sr.: Take your time, baby. The meter's running.

Quote from Sheldon

Mary: Did you have fun?
Sheldon: I got to take a test on a Saturday, heck yeah!

Quote from Sheldon

Missy: What you watching?
George Jr.: Soul Train.
Sheldon: I like trains.
George Jr.: It's not that kind of train, dummy.
Sheldon: Well that seems like false advertising.

Quote from George Sr.

Mary: I do not like what this study is doing to Sheldon.
George Sr.: What're you talking about? He had a great time.
Mary: All the way home all he could talk about is how that doctor thought he was so smart.
It's not healthy.
George Sr.: Would it make you feel any better if I told you how much money we made today?
Mary: No, it would not.
George Sr.: $300.
Mary: Really?
George Sr.: Cash.
Mary: Okay, well, still, I I'm not interested in profiting off my children.
George Sr.: You see, honey, that's where you and I are very different.

Quote from Sheldon

Dr. Edward Pilson: Sheldon, what do you think is happening in this picture?
Sheldon: Easy. There are four chimpanzees in a living room.
Dr. Edward Pilson: Okay, but what can you tell me about them?
Sheldon: They're not behaving like chimpanzees.
Dr. Edward Pilson: Anything else?
Sheldon: Chimpanzees don't drink tea.
Dr. Edward Pilson: Is that it?
Sheldon: Well, I suppose it might be coffee, but they don't drink that either.
Dr. Edward Pilson: Anything interesting about their body language?
Sheldon: No.

Quote from George Sr.

George Sr.: Well, Missy won that round.
Dr. John Sturgis: It's actually not a contest, George.
George Sr.: This is Texas. Everything's a contest.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: A woman in a doorway.
Dr. Edward Pilson: Anything else?
Sheldon: She's holding her head with her hand.
Dr. Edward Pilson: And what do you think that means?
Sheldon: Um, Wouldn't you rather ask me about trains going to St. Louis?

Quote from Mary

Mary: Good gravy, she's sad, Sheldon, come on!

Quote from Meemaw

Mary: A little late for me to start cooking. Why don't we stop somewhere for dinner.
George Sr.: Really? The five of us? That's kind of pricey.
Meemaw: Would you rather buy a fishing boat?
George Sr.: You're a blabbermouth, you know that?

Quote from Mary

Mary: Missy, we're gonna eat in a restaurant. Where would you like to go?
Missy: I get to pick?
Sheldon: Why don't I get to pick?
Mary: Because your sister's getting to pick. It's not just about you in this house.

Quote from George Sr.

Mary: What do you think, baby?
Missy: I pick Red Lobster.
Mary: You got it.
George Sr.: Damn. There goes our per diem.

Quote from George Jr.

George Jr.: Can we put on Soul Train?
George Sr.: Why?
George Jr.: There's a girl on there I kind of want to marry.

Quote from Dr. John Sturgis

Dr. John Sturgis: Clever girl. That would accentuate her buttocks!

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: While my sister and I are twins, we've always been different. By the age of two, I was reading books. Missy was content to eat them. By five, I had a healthy appreciation for a well-organized work space. My sister, less so.

Quote from George Sr.

George Sr.: Hey.
Dr. John Sturgis :Hello.
Meemaw: You got a minute? John has something he wants to talk to you about.
Dr. John Sturgis: I brought you kolaches.
George Sr.: Ooh, yummy.

Quote from George Sr.

Mary: And what about Missy? Aren't these tests gonna make her feel bad that she's not as smart as Sheldon?
George Sr.: [SNORTS] I'm not as smart as Sheldon. Doesn't make me feel bad.

Quote from George Sr.

George Sr.: And we could put the money aside for their college education.
Mary: That's a good point.
George Sr.: It's a great point. I don't have to tell you, times are changing. Kids are pitching in. Like that Webster kid on TV. He's making buckets of money for his parents.

Quote from George Sr.

Mary: Well I suppose we could give it a try.
George Sr.: There you go. I'll call Sturgis, tell him we're in. [QUIETLY] Baby, I'm getting a fishing boat.

Quote from Sheldon

George Sr.: Well, a couple of scientists at the college where Dr. Sturgis teaches are doing a research study on twins. They want to meet you guys, ask you some questions.
Sheldon: Oh, boy, a research study. Will they give us written tests?
George Sr.: Yeah, I think so.
Sheldon: Oh, boy.

Quote from Sheldon

Missy: I don't want to do it.
Sheldon: Why not?
Missy: They probably just want to find out why you're so smart and I'm just average.
Sheldon: [QUIETLY] Average? That's a little generous.

Quote from Dr. John Sturgis

Meemaw: Will you keep an eye on 'em?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, I'll try, but if they start running, you may never see them again.

Quote from Missy

Missy: Did you see Honey, I Shrunk the Kids?
Dr. Sandra Thorpe: No.
Missy: You should. 'Cause there's a lot of good science stuff in it.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Kudos on the question "Which train gets to St. Louis first?"

Quote from Missy

Missy: I have to tell you something.
Dr. Sandra Thorpe: Why don't you finish the test first.
Missy: This can't wait. The other doctor's got a crush on you.
Dr. Sandra Thorpe: Oh, um I don't I don't think so. Let's get back to the test.
Missy: Okay.
Dr. Sandra Thorpe: Why? What did you see?
Missy: When you're not looking, he stares at your tushy.
Dr. Sandra Thorpe: [WHISPERING] Really?
Missy: Imagine if you wore the belt.

Quote from Meemaw

Dr. Edward Pilson: All right, we'll see y'all next Saturday.
George Sr.: You bet we will.
Meemaw: Good God, George, have a little dignity.

Quote from Missy

Dr. Sandra Thorpe: Have you always been that way?
Missy: I guess so. I think when you're on your own a lot, you get good at seeing that kind of stuff.
Dr. Sandra Thorpe: Really?
Missy: My dad does football with my older brother, so they're like a team. And my mom and meemaw spend all their time fussing over Sheldon, so they're like a team, too.
Dr. Sandra Thorpe: So no one's on your team?
Missy: Nope. It's just me.

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