Sheldon: Well, that's what I heard. And if Hawking doesn't let it stop him, then I can't let this cast stop me.
Missy: Great. Go back to sleep.
Sheldon: I will, and I'll do it all by myself. [sings] Soft kitty, warm kitty
Missy: Oh, my God.
Sheldon: Little ball of fur Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr Purr, purr.

Mary: How do they feel?
Sheldon: My brand loyalty is being severely tested.

Sheldon: Dad.
George Sr.: What the hell are you doing here?
Sheldon: I need to talk to you.
George Sr.: How'd you even find me?
Sheldon: It's not like you come home smelling like coffee.

Ms. Hutchins: Hi, Sheldon, what can I do for you?
Sheldon: Do you have any books or videos on the Lamaze technique?
Ms. Hutchins: Uh-oh. Georgie get that girl pregnant?
Sheldon: It's for me. I need to have a tooth pulled, and I'd like to do it without putting my brain on drugs.
Ms. Hutchins: Okay.
Sheldon: I've seen that commercial with the egg in the frying pan. Very effective.

Mary: Sheldon, I understand why you're upset, but you still owe him an apology.
Sheldon: Then you don't understand.
Mary: Well, for now, it sounds like you two could use a little quiet time.
Sheldon: Fine. I'll switch over to Dr. Linkletter's class. He's a foot taller than Sturgis and can reach more of the chalkboard.

Sheldon: I may not look it, but I'm the future of physics, so just move on.

Sheldon: Why are they all singing?
Meemaw: Because it's a musical.
Sheldon: But why can't they just say it?
Meemaw: Well, that wouldn't be very musical, would it?
Sheldon: And where is the music coming from?
Missy: You're thinking about it too much.
Sheldon: And how do they all know the same dance?
Missy: Come on!
Meemaw: Moon pie!

Ricky: I actually don't mind it here.
Sheldon: What about the food?
Ricky: It's not as good as my grandma's tamales, but nothing is.
Sheldon: How long has she been taking care of you?
Ricky: My whole life. She'd be here, but she's watching my brother.
Sheldon: My meemaw takes care of us sometimes, too.
Ricky: I'm excited for my heart to be fixed, 'cause then, she won't have to worry about me anymore. But hey, once they put the patch on my heart, I'll sort of be like Iron Man.
Sheldon: Technically, Iron Man has a magnet, not a patch.
Ricky: And technically, I said "sort of."
Sheldon: Touche.

Keith: How about we work in my dorm tomorrow?
Mary: Um, I don't know if a dormitory is the right environment for someone his age.
Sheldon: If you're worried about the beer-drinking, Dad has thoroughly desensitized me.

Sheldon: Where are we going?
Missy: Right there.
Sheldon: An old shack in the middle of the woods? Have you even seen Scooby Doo?
Missy: Great, go home.
Sheldon: At night, by myself? Nice try.

George Sr.: What do you think you're doing?
Sheldon: Exploring the impact of the French invasion on Imperial Russian society.
George Sr.: Well, get out of here. You're going back to class.
Sheldon: No, I'm not.
George Sr.: Excuse me?
Sheldon: I don't learn anything in class. But in here I've taught myself the applications of gravitational lensing, Faraday's law of magnetic induction, and how to whistle. [blows air] Well, sound came out yesterday.
George Sr.: You can't spend your day in a broom closet.
Sheldon: It's no longer a broom closet. It's now a citadel of higher learning.

George Jr.: "Sell blood or non-vital organs."
George Sr.: Mm, give 'em your brain. You're not using it. [Sheldon laughs] I think that's the only time I've ever heard you laugh.
Sheldon: That's the only time you've ever been funny.

George Jr.: Tell me, Sheldon.
Sheldon: It occurred to me that a good way to generate a positive cash flow would be to curate popular songs and make them available in a digital form. Possibly on a small device that could also be used as a phone or even a camera.
George Jr.: Right. [mocking] A phone, camera, music machine. Get out of here.

Sheldon: Are we going to watch an educational film?
Mr. Givens: We're gonna watch Star Trek.
Sheldon: Star Trek in school? Wowie Zowie.

Dr. John Sturgis: So if Einstein's analysis of time is correct, the future's already happened, but we'll discuss that in more detail next week.
Sheldon: Or perhaps we already have.
Dr. John Sturgis: Exactly. [laughs]
Meemaw: Good one.

Sheldon: Thank you.
Libby: Happy to help.
Sheldon: Is there any chance you'd be available to stand guard at 1:45?
Libby: You have a bathroom schedule?
Sheldon: You don't?

Sheldon: I can't find an umbrella.
Mary: What do you need an umbrella for? It's gonna be hot and sunny.
Sheldon: I think you've answered your own question.

Meemaw: Honey, Channel 7 is not coming.
Anchor: [HORN HONKS] You Sheldon Cooper?
Sheldon: Yes, ma'am.
Meemaw: You got to be kidding me.
Sheldon: How's my hair look?

Mary: All right, I'll make a deal with you.
Sheldon: I'm listening.
Mary: You can go to Houston with your friends, but I want to meet this girl first.
Sheldon: That's very reasonable. Thank you.
Mary: You're welcome.
Sheldon: Now, can you please reach the dryer sheets? I get vertigo on the step stool.

George Sr.: So, Dr. Sturgis, Sheldon tells us you're a guest professor at the university.
Dr. John Sturgis: I am.
Mary: Hmm. Does that mean that you're only here temporarily?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, that's the plan for now. But I could be enticed to stay.
Sheldon: Meemaw, I do believe there was subtext there. Did you pick up on it?
Meemaw: Yeah.
Sheldon: Was I correct to infer there was subtext there?
Dr. John Sturgis: You were.
Sheldon: Okay, we're all good.