Missy: How am I supposed to compete with a seventh grader? Mom won't even let me shave my legs.
Sheldon: Can we please go home?
Missy: You can. I'm not.
Sheldon: As we've established, woods: very scary, me: very scared.
Missy: Then I guess you're here until the sun comes up.
Sheldon: So I'll be able to see what kill me? Pass. Can you at least go back to complaining about boys so I can get some sleep?
Missy: We licked the same Ring Pop once. It's like it meant nothing.

Meemaw: Hey. Good news. Your dad's doing okay and should be home in a couple of days.
Missy: Thank God.
Sheldon: Thank modern medicine.

Meemaw: Hmm, all right, you two try and get some sleep, okay?
Missy: Meemaw? Do you think I gave Dad a heart attack?
Meemaw: What? No. This isn't your fault.
Missy: I was really mean to him.
Sheldon: I was mean to him as well.
Missy: What I did was so much worse.
Sheldon: That is true. When we're receiving our punishment, they should really let you have it.
Meemaw: Okay, y'all go to sleep.
Sheldon: But I was just an accomplice. It wouldn't be fair if we got equal punishment.
Meemaw: Sleep.

Pastor Jeff: Back to Moses. He was found by Pharaoh's daughter and went on to lead the Israelites out of Egypt, because even when you feel lost, God has a plan for us all.
Missy: [raises hand] What was his plan for the male babies who didn't get rescued?
Pastor Jeff: It's tough to say.
Sheldon: There was a decree to throw them in the river.
Missy: Innocent babies?
Billy Sparks: That is not cool.
Pastor Jeff: That was Pharaoh, that was not God.
Sheldon: But according to you, it's all part of God's plan. How do you sleep at night?

Mary: You both liked it that day I taught Sunday school, right?
Missy: Ugh, with the snake?
Sheldon: I didn't like it, either. But I'm critical of most things.

Missy: Got a minute?
Sheldon: I'm kind of busy. I'm inventing a system of heraldry for two warring tribes of orcs in my D&D campaign.
Missy: Oh. I was hoping we could talk about atheism.
Sheldon: Much like an orc, I'm all ears.

Mary: All right, you two, get ready for bed. Church in the morning.
Missy: I'm not going.
Mary: What do you mean, you're not going?
Missy: I don't think I believe in God anymore.
Mary: What did you do to her?
Sheldon: Hey, she came to me. I mean, I took the ball and ran with it.
Missy: Look at you with a sports analogy.
Sheldon: We're both evolving. Ooh, evolution. Another thing I'll teach you about.

Missy: So can anyone drop out or do you need to be a certain age?
Mary: You are not dropping out of school.
Sheldon: Until you're 16... then they legally can't stop you.
Missy: Good to know.
Mary: This is exactly what I was afraid of.
George: What do you want me to do about it?
Sheldon: I would encourage you to love and nurture the one child you have who's destined for success.

Dr. Linkletter: [on answer phone] This is Grant Linkletter. I'm not home, please leave a message.
Sheldon: [leaves a message] Dr. Linkletter, Sheldon Cooper. I haven't heard back from you. I hope everything went well with Dr. Sturgis. Perhaps you two got caught up discussing physics. Time does fly when you're having fun.

Sheldon: Fun fact... did you know the knife goes on the right because it was the first utensil, and most people are right-handed?
Missy: Did you know I set the table and no one said thank you?
Sheldon: No one thanked me for my fun fact. You don't hear me complaining.

Mary: Okay, what if he pitches in here?
George: Like what, rent?
Mary: Yes. You would do that, right?
Georgie: I guess so.
Sheldon: Sounds like someone needs a rental agreement. I'll go get my legal pad.

Sheldon: Hold on. All my trains and science equipment are in the garage. Where would they go?
Missy: Easy. I take Georgie's room. All your crap goes in your room.
Sheldon: That's a big change. I need to think about this.
Missy: Mom?
Mary: Honey, it does make sense. You two are getting older.
Sheldon: I don't even have hair on my legs yet. What's the rush?

Missy: Sheldon, come on, I need my own space.
Sheldon: But we've always shared a room.
Missy: I'm a young lady now.
Sheldon: You seem the same to me.
Missy: I have a training bra.
Sheldon: When you complete your training, get back to me.

Missy: You know you want privacy, too.
Sheldon: I suppose it would be nice to have all my trains and science equipment in here.
Missy: Great. It's settled.
Sheldon: It would be like my Fortress of Solitude.
Missy: Good for you.
Sheldon: Or my Bat Cave.
Missy: Shh!
Sheldon: Although I don't care for caves. Or bats. I suppose Fortress of Solitude...
Missy: I'm gonna choke you with my bra.
Sheldon: Good night.

Sheldon: What are you doing?
Missy: Moving my stuff.
Sheldon: But we haven't discussed who gets what yet.
Missy: I get my stuff. You get your stuff. Done.
Sheldon: There's community property. We've lived together for over ten years. In some states, we'd be considered married.
Missy: Gross.
Sheldon: I don't make the rules. I just know them all.