George Jr.: "Sell blood or non-vital organs."
George Sr.: Mm, give 'em your brain. You're not using it. [Sheldon laughs] I think that's the only time I've ever heard you laugh.
Sheldon: That's the only time you've ever been funny.

George Jr.: Hey. I hope you're happy.
Sheldon: Thank you, Georgie. That's very kind.

Sheldon: There's no telling who could buy that house! What if they have dogs? What if they have birds? What if they have both and the birds learned to bark like dogs?
Mary: Sheldon, you're gettin' yourself all worked up.
Sheldon: For good reason... that house is six feet away from my bedroom window. Who knows what kind of smells could jump the gap? Uh, cigarette smoke, a scented candle, a durian?
Mary: What's a durian?
Sheldon: A vile-smelling fruit of the genus Durio.
Mary: When did you smell that?
Sheldon: I haven't, and I'd like to keep it that way.
Mary: It might be nice. It might be a family with kids your age.
Sheldon: I already live with a kid my age... not a fan!

Sheldon: Did he apologize?
Mary: No. He is very upset with you.
Sheldon: Well, I'm upset with him.
Mary: That doesn't excuse you from trying to get him in trouble by calling Dr. Linkletter.
Sheldon: Who else was I supposed to tattle to? I doubt his mother's still alive.

Dr. John Sturgis: In my dreams, I'm usually running for my life from a giant praying mantis.
Sheldon: That's the insect where the female eats the male after mating?
Dr. John Sturgis: It is.
Sheldon: I think I understand why you're not married.

Mary: Calm down. It was just the 4:00 news. I'm sure no one saw it.
Sheldon: I hope a lot of people saw it and Happy Hearth is forced to give our country good bread again.

Mr. Lundy: All right, Mr. Cooper. The stage is yours.
Sheldon: Thank you. I'd like to begin with a monologue from King Lear. [looking at Mr. Lundy]
Mr. Lundy: What?
Sheldon: I believe you're supposed to say "break a leg."
Mr. Lundy: Sorry. Break a leg.

Dr. Linkletter: So, the problem that I'm running into is I can't get the inner sphere to remain suspended in the buffer liquid.
Sheldon: Have you tried wrapping the sphere in copper wire?
Dr. Linkletter: I did, but it just slips out.
Sheldon: Perhaps we could suspend it in some sort of sleeve.
Dr. Linkletter: That would prevent light from getting through.
Sheldon: Hmm. [strokes chin] I wonder if my thinking would be more effective if I had a beard to stroke. It's one of the few aspects of puberty I'm looking forward to.

Sheldon: Wow. You're famous.
Mr. Lundy: Well, I And I was Carbucketty in the Dallas-Fort Worth Players production of Cats. [PURRS] [LAUGHS] Did you see that?
Sheldon: No, I'm afraid of cats.
Mr. Lundy: Well, you realize the cats are just the actors.
Sheldon: I still wouldn't risk it.
Mr. Lundy: You're an odd boy, but you make it work.

Sheldon: "And finally, both parties agree the loser will do the activity selected by the winner graciously, without complaint. For the purpose of this agreement, a complaint is defined as any disparaging comment, eye rolls or name calling, including but not limited to: 'dingus, ' 'fartbreath' and 'buttwipe.'"

Adult Sheldon: No surprise, despite my adamant protest, I didn't go home.
Instead, I had to stay and suffer in silence like the Southern gentleman my mother raised me to be.
Sheldon: What's this? I asked for red.
Nurse Pryor: All they had was green.
Sheldon: Well, then you and I have a problem, don't we?

Sheldon: I was sent to see Principal Petersen.
Diane: What is it this time?
Sheldon: Youthful rebellion. My voice hasn't changed yet, but my attitude has.
Diane: I'll let him know you're here.
Sheldon: You do that. Ma'am.

George Sr.: Sheldon, listen, I know losing ain't easy. I deal with it on the football field all the time. It's like that big game we had last year against Nacogdoches. We were down 28 points at the half. It was raining, it was muddy. Everybody in the stands had gone home. But somehow, we managed to claw our way back to a tie with a minute left. And then, they threw a Hail Mary, and the receiver stepped out of bounds, but the ref didn't see it. After all that, we lose on a bad call. Believe me, I was furious. But I sucked it up, and I walked across that field and I shook their hands.
Sheldon: I didn't hear a word you said.
George Sr.: Okay.

Sheldon: Well, that's what I heard. And if Hawking doesn't let it stop him, then I can't let this cast stop me.
Missy: Great. Go back to sleep.
Sheldon: I will, and I'll do it all by myself. [sings] Soft kitty, warm kitty
Missy: Oh, my God.
Sheldon: Little ball of fur Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr Purr, purr.

Adult Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis was right. There was nothing I could do to fix this, or so I thought.
Sheldon: Can I offer you a hot beverage?
Paige: That would be nice.
Sheldon: Be right back.
Adult Sheldon: The "Hot Beverage of Comfort" would become my go-to method of dealing with someone in emotional distress. And it always worked. Except when my wife was in labor, where it was suggested I throw it in my own face.

Dr. John Sturgis: Here we go.
Adult Sheldon: For many kids, Christmas morning was the most exciting day of the year. That's only because most kids don't know the joy of getting their college midterms back. It also didn't hurt that Dr. Sturgis looked like an elf.
Dr. John Sturgis: Nice work, Sheldon. Now, you'll notice that your grades are lower than expected. That's because Sheldon did so well, he broke the curve, turning your A's and B's into B's and C's.
Sheldon: They don't seem happy about it. Maybe you can give them candy.

Mary: Sheldon, I understand why you're upset, but you still owe him an apology.
Sheldon: Then you don't understand.
Mary: Well, for now, it sounds like you two could use a little quiet time.
Sheldon: Fine. I'll switch over to Dr. Linkletter's class. He's a foot taller than Sturgis and can reach more of the chalkboard.

George Sr.: So you want me to put that thing on that roof?
Sheldon: Yes.
George Sr.: So you can hear who won a science prize?
Sheldon: The Nobel Prize.
George Sr.: Why can't you read who won in the newspaper?
Sheldon: I could say the same thing about the Super Bowl, but you still watch it.
Missy: He got you there.

Mary: What are you gonna name him?
Sheldon: Fish.
Mary: Fish?
Sheldon: I'm not ready to get attached.

Sheldon: In other school news, this Friday night our football team will be playing another football team.