Sheldon: Next, one Timex brand alarm clock.
Missy: It's yours.
Sheldon: Are you sure? It has a stylish faux-wood finish.
Missy: Fine, I'll take it.
Sheldon: Aw.
Missy: So you want it?
Sheldon: Yes.
Missy: It's yours.
Sheldon: Thank you. Next, one useful yet educational map of the world trash can.

Adult Sheldon: I eventually made my peace with having a room to myself. And I was never truly alone, thanks to my science posse: Stephen, Albert, Richard and Arthur. But for those times when I did need to communicate with Missy, we had a system.
[Sheldon pulls on a rope which pulls a lever which knocks on Missy's wall, prompting her to pick up a walkie talkie]
Missy: [over radio] What?
Sheldon: Just testing the system.
Missy: You tested it yesterday.
Sheldon: Just because it worked yesterday doesn't mean it's working today.
Missy: It's working. Good night.
Sheldon: Good night. Sleep tight. [knocking on wall]
Missy: [over radio] What?
Sheldon: Did you know when people say "sleep tight," they're referring to when beds were made of ropes, and the tighter the rope, the more comfortable the bed was to sleep on?
Missy: Cool. Bye.
Adult Sheldon: My sister wasn't always a fan of my informative tidbits, so I didn't tell her that the entire phrase, "Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite" is actually from the book What They Say in New England: A Book of Signs, Sayings, and Superstitions. Until I told her. [knocking on wall]

Sheldon: [o.s.] I'm home.
George: In here. Watching the game with Billy.
Sheldon: Do you have the number where Mom's staying?
George: Everything okay?
Sheldon: I need help navigating a situation with Dr. Linkletter.
Billy Sparks: You should ask your dad. He's really smart.
Sheldon: You're the first person who's ever said that.

Mary: Why don't you two have a seat.
Missy: In here? Did somebody die?
Mary: No, I just want to talk to you.
Missy: They're getting divorced.
Sheldon: At least they waited until one of us was in college.
Mary: We are not getting a divorce. Just sit.

Mary: So, you two are both growing up, and I thought that maybe it might be time to have a talk about... that and some of the things that go along with... that.
Missy: [whispers] What is happening?
Sheldon: I think she's trying to have the human reproduction talk.
Missy: Oh, God.
Mary: Uh, speaking of God, He is very clear about the do's and the don'ts, especially the don'ts.
Missy: I'm not talking about this with you.
Sheldon: I don't think you'll have any new information for me, but I'm happy to chime in with biology facts.

Sheldon: You can't be too young if you're an aphid, some of them are born pregnant.
Missy: [to Mary] I didn't do anything wrong. I just asked some questions.
Mary: Well, you can ask me.
Missy: I'm not asking you anything, ever. [storms out]
Sheldon: It's just her hormones. Would you like to learn more? When children reach adolescence, a cascade of hormones are released...

[As Missy sits on her bed, writing in her diary and listening to music, she is startled as she looks up and sees Sheldon stood outside her window.]
Missy: What are you doing?
Sheldon: Making sure you don't run away.
Missy: Why?
Sheldon: Because that's what happened the last time you and Mom fought.
Missy: [opens window] I'm not going anywhere. Now, get out of here, creepo.
Sheldon: Why did you get so mad at Mom?
Missy: I don't want to talk to her about that stuff. It's so embarrassing.
Sheldon: Why?
Missy: If you have to ask, then something's wrong with you.
Sheldon: But the topic was procreation, and she clearly has procreated.
Missy: Ew.

Adult Sheldon: My own history with engineering began spring semester of my freshman year.
Professor Boucher: [enters] Good morning. I'm Professor Boucher, and this is Civil Engineering Lab. Class begins at 0900, which is... [closes door] ...now. In this course, we're going to apply the principles of static mechanical forces...
Student: [knocks on door] I'm in this class.
Professor Boucher: This class started at 0900, so... no, you're not. As I was saying... [Sheldon raises his hand] Uh, yes?
Sheldon: I appreciate your use of the 24-four hour time format. Were you aware that while often referred to as "military time," it actually dates back to the Egyptians?
Professor Boucher: I'm aware that the class is now starting at 0901. Is it all right with you if I begin?
Sheldon: Please.
Adult Sheldon: One minute in and I was already his favorite.

Adult Sheldon: My dad was right. I had to take charge. And after 20 more minutes of pouting, that's exactly what I did. But despite my best efforts, I was still no closer to figuring it out. I was going to have to see my work be torn to pieces one more time. [Sheldon's pages blow in the wind]
Sheldon: Of course.
Adult Sheldon: I'd been so focused on mathematical perfection that I hadn't taken into account real-world elements. Wind can trigger vibrations. If these vibrations occur at a system's resonant frequency, then oscillation generates excitation and a bridge can lose its structural integrity.
Sheldon: Okay, I'm a genius again.
Adult Sheldon: I couldn't wait to hand in my paper and see the proud look on Professor Boucher's... [Sheldon is unable to open the locked door]
Sheldon: No! I figured it out! [Boucher points to his watch] It's wind! It's wind! I hate engineering.

Sheldon: So, how was it? Did any subcommittees get formed?
Dr. Linkletter: No, Sheldon, it was just a budget meeting.
Sheldon: Ooh, budgets, do tell.
Dr. Linkletter: Most of it was about reducing the gen-ed science requirement from eight credits to four.
Sheldon: But that's less science classes. Who would want that?
Dr. Linkletter: Apparently the administration, the students and their parents.
Sheldon: Did anyone try to stop it?
Dr. Linkletter: No.
Sheldon: Did it spark a heated debate?
Dr. Linkletter: Not really, no.
Sheldon: Were you at least annoyed?
Dr. Linkletter: Do I sound annoyed?
Sheldon: Yes.
Dr. Linkletter: Well, there you go.

Sheldon: I can't believe the faculty is okay with this.
Dr. Linkletter: It just means students who aren't science majors need to take one class instead of two.
Sheldon: But that's 50% less.
Dr. Linkletter: Sheldon, this doesn't affect you.
Sheldon: Less science affects all of society. And in case you haven't noticed, I'm good at making things all about me.
Dr. Linkletter: Yes, I have picked up on that. Sorry, there's nothing I can do about it.
Sheldon: I understand. You're just a cog in the machine. In fact, why am I talking to you?
Dr. Linkletter: Feel free to stop.

Adult Sheldon: President Hagemeyer was counting on me to turn the tide of public opinion and ignite the outrage of my fellow students.
Sheldon: Excuse me, would you like to sign my petition? It's about the university reducing our science requirements.
Lyle: [chuckles] Less science? Sweet.
Sheldon: No, it's to stop the reduction and keep our science curriculum strong. [Lyle walks off] Are you hurrying off to tell your friends?
[later, a student signs Sheldon's petition and hands it back to him:]
Sheldon: "Ben Dover." Thanks, Ben.
[montage:]
Student #1: No.
Student #2: Nuh-uh.
Student #3: Nope.
[later:]
Sheldon: Excuse me, would you like to sign my petition about keeping our science requirements strong?
Patricia: Of course. If you'll sign mine to increase funding for the school jazz band.
Sheldon: Let's pretend we never met.

Adult Sheldon: I needed a new plan. One where I could reach the masses. The front page of the campus newspaper was my best course of action. I deployed every weapon in my literary arsenal. Humor.
Sheldon: So funny.
Adult Sheldon: Gravitas.
Sheldon: So moving.
Adult Sheldon: Fearmongering.
Sheldon: So scary.
Adult Sheldon: And last but not least, heartfelt emotion.
Sheldon: Eh, not where I shine. I'll end on fear.

Adult Sheldon: The next day, I got to campus early to get a copy of my article, hot off the presses. Normally, I don't like getting newspaper ink on my hands, but this was worth it. Plus, I had Wet-Naps.
Sheldon: Where's my exposé?
Clark: I didn't run it.
Sheldon: What? Why?
Clark: You're blaming this whole thing on a grand chancellor. There's no such person.
Sheldon: Of course there is. He's President Hagemeyer's boss.
Clark: She doesn't have a boss. She's the president.
Sheldon: Yes, she does, and we've been trying to fight him, but he won't budge.
Clark: The grand chancellor?
Sheldon: Well, when you say it like that it sounds made-up.
Clark: How would you say it?
Sheldon: The grand chancellor. I've been had.

Sheldon: I think I need to stop blindly trusting everything.
George: Hmm. Probably not a bad idea.
Sheldon: Thanks. I wish I could believe you.