Sheldon Quotes

Quote from the episode Seven Deadly Sins and a Small Carl Sagan

Sheldon: Eh! I can't believe no one in this town knows who Carl Sagan is. Why even have a TV?

Quote from the episode Seven Deadly Sins and a Small Carl Sagan

All: Trick or treat.
Melissa: Oh, look how cute y'all are. Now, I know you are Superman. What about the rest of you?
Missy: I'm Cyndi Lauper.
Tam: I'm a wizard.
Melissa: Uh-huh.
Sheldon: And I'm Carl Sagan.
Melissa: Who?
Sheldon: Carl Sagan. He's the host of Cosmos.

Quote from the episode Seven Deadly Sins and a Small Carl Sagan

Sheldon: I introduced them. Her math skills are dreadful.

Quote from the episode Seven Deadly Sins and a Small Carl Sagan

George Jr.: You just need to introduce me to her.
Sheldon: Why?
George Jr.: I want to be her friend.
Sheldon: Well, you better take a number. She's friends with a lot of boys around here.

Quote from the episode Seven Deadly Sins and a Small Carl Sagan

George Jr.: Sheldon.
Sheldon: Oh. Hi, Georgie.
George Jr.: Why was Veronica Duncan hugging you?
Sheldon: I'm tutoring her in trigonometry.
George Jr.: And that gets you hugs?
Sheldon: Thanks to me, she got her first C-minus. Just between us, she's a little slow.
George Jr.: That's not what I heard.
Sheldon: What did you hear? Is she secretly clever? Because if she is, I completely missed it.

Quote from the episode A Research Study and Czechoslovakian Wedding Pastries

Dr. Edward Pilson: Anything else?
Sheldon: What exactly are we doing here? I thought the purpose of this study was to find out how smart I am.
Dr. Edward Pilson: That's what we're doing, but there are different kinds of intelligence.
Sheldon: Poppycock! There's only one kind of intelligence.

Quote from the episode A Research Study and Czechoslovakian Wedding Pastries

Sheldon: A lion sitting in a chair, holding a pipe.
Dr. Edward Pilson: Good. But what do you think is on his mind?
Sheldon: How should I know? Maybe he's wondering why he's posing for a silly picture instead of eating a gazelle.

Quote from the episode A Research Study and Czechoslovakian Wedding Pastries

Sheldon: A woman in a doorway.
Dr. Edward Pilson: Anything else?
Sheldon: She's holding her head with her hand.
Dr. Edward Pilson: And what do you think that means?
Sheldon: Um, Wouldn't you rather ask me about trains going to St. Louis?

Quote from the episode A Research Study and Czechoslovakian Wedding Pastries

Dr. Edward Pilson: Sheldon, what do you think is happening in this picture?
Sheldon: Easy. There are four chimpanzees in a living room.
Dr. Edward Pilson: Okay, but what can you tell me about them?
Sheldon: They're not behaving like chimpanzees.
Dr. Edward Pilson: Anything else?
Sheldon: Chimpanzees don't drink tea.
Dr. Edward Pilson: Is that it?
Sheldon: Well, I suppose it might be coffee, but they don't drink that either.
Dr. Edward Pilson: Anything interesting about their body language?
Sheldon: No.

Quote from the episode A Research Study and Czechoslovakian Wedding Pastries

Missy: What you watching?
George Jr.: Soul Train.
Sheldon: I like trains.
George Jr.: It's not that kind of train, dummy.
Sheldon: Well that seems like false advertising.

Quote from the episode A Research Study and Czechoslovakian Wedding Pastries

Mary: Did you have fun?
Sheldon: I got to take a test on a Saturday, heck yeah!

Quote from the episode A Research Study and Czechoslovakian Wedding Pastries

Sheldon: Hot dog, syllogisms. "If all squares are parallelograms, and all squares are rectangles, then some parallelograms are rectangles." Who was this test made for, children?

Quote from the episode A Research Study and Czechoslovakian Wedding Pastries

Sheldon: Kudos on the question "Which train gets to St. Louis first?"

Quote from the episode A Research Study and Czechoslovakian Wedding Pastries

Dr. Edward Pilson: Okay, Sheldon, this first battery of tests measures basic problem-solving abilities.
Sheldon: Is the Kaufman test or the Wechsler Intelligence Scale?
Dr. Edward Pilson: Are you familiar with those?
Sheldon: It's embarrassing, but I enjoy a little light reading in the bathroom.

Quote from the episode A Research Study and Czechoslovakian Wedding Pastries

Dr. John Sturgis: Did you know that when Albert Einstein was a little boy, his parents worried there was something wrong with him?
Missy: Because he couldn't comb his hair?
Dr. John Sturgis: No, that was a choice he made later in life. When he was young, he wanted nothing to do with other children, and would often have extreme temper tantrums.
Missy: He sounds like you.
Sheldon: I know. Isn't it great?

Quote from the episode A Research Study and Czechoslovakian Wedding Pastries

Dr. Sandra Thorpe: Um, if you two wouldn't mind waiting here, we'd like to start by talking to your mom, dad, and grandma.
Missy: Why?
Dr. Edward Pilson: Just to get some background information on the both of you.
Sheldon: Smart. Ask how old I was when I completed potty training. You won't believe it.

Quote from the episode A Research Study and Czechoslovakian Wedding Pastries

Missy: I don't want to do it.
Sheldon: Why not?
Missy: They probably just want to find out why you're so smart and I'm just average.
Sheldon: [QUIETLY] Average? That's a little generous.

Quote from the episode A Research Study and Czechoslovakian Wedding Pastries

George Sr.: Well, a couple of scientists at the college where Dr. Sturgis teaches are doing a research study on twins. They want to meet you guys, ask you some questions.
Sheldon: Oh, boy, a research study. Will they give us written tests?
George Sr.: Yeah, I think so.
Sheldon: Oh, boy.

Quote from the episode A Research Study and Czechoslovakian Wedding Pastries

Sheldon: Did you kill it?
Missy: Yup.
Sheldon: Are you sure?
Missy: You tell me. [pointing the shoe at Sheldon]
[Sheldon screams and runs away]

Quote from the episode A Research Study and Czechoslovakian Wedding Pastries

Sheldon: Get it! Get it!
Missy: It's just a spider. Calm down.
Sheldon: It's got eight legs and fangs. I see no reason to be calm.