Sheldon Quotes

Quote from the episode Babies, Lies and a Resplendent Cannoli

Sheldon: Guess what. Dr. Sturgis, Dr. Linkletter and I are starting an Isaac Asimov book club.
Meemaw: That's nice.
Sheldon: I'm glad you think so because you should join.
Meemaw: And I think... no.
Sheldon: But this is perfect for you.
Meemaw: Why?
Sheldon: Because three smart people will be there to explain things that go over your head.
Meemaw: I'm gonna bonk you over your head in a minute.

Quote from the episode Babies, Lies and a Resplendent Cannoli

Sheldon: Is this because Coach Ballard got upset and broke up with you?
Meemaw: No.
Dr. Linkletter: You two broke up? I'm sorry to hear that.
Dr. John Sturgis: Terrible news.
Dr. Linkletter: Terrible. Terrible.
Meemaw: It's okay. I'm over it.
Dr. Linkletter: Excellent.
Dr. John Sturgis: Great.
Sheldon: Look at the four of us talking about Isaac Asimov!

Quote from the episode Babies, Lies and a Resplendent Cannoli

Sheldon: What if it's just a short story? Would you read it then?
Meemaw: Why do you care if I read this?
Sheldon: Let's see. Perhaps it has something to do with Pop Pop dying before we ever got to discuss the books he gave me.
Meemaw: How short a story?
Sheldon: Nightfall's only 30 pages.
Meemaw: Fine.
Sheldon: Excellent. Why did you change your mind?
Meemaw: Because you made me feel bad about my dead husband.
Sheldon: Neat.

Quote from the episode Babies, Lies and a Resplendent Cannoli

Meemaw: You haven't said a thing about my new car.
Sheldon: Oh. I hate it.

Quote from the episode Babies, Lies and a Resplendent Cannoli

Sheldon: Oh, I'm assuming you heard the bad news.
Mary: What news?
Sheldon: Isaac Asimov died.
Mary: Oh, no, is that one of your school friends?
Sheldon: What? No, he's one of the most prolific science fiction writers in the history of the genre.
George Sr.: Never heard of him.
Sheldon: Sure you have. He wrote I, Robot, the Foundation trilogy.
George Sr.: Nope.
Sheldon: Nightfall? The Posotronic Man?
George Sr.: You ever heard of this guy?
Mary: Mm-mm.
Sheldon: Caves of Steel. Hostess. The Naked Sun?
George Sr.: Whoever he is, sorry he died. Gotta go. Bye.
Mary: Bye.
Adult Sheldon: Astonishing. Asimov wrote almost 500 books, which was apparently 500 more than my family had read.

Quote from the episode A Solo Peanut, a Social Butterfly and the Truth

Missy: What else you bringing her?
Sheldon: Toothbrush, toothpaste, pajamas, and these feminine napkins. Is one box enough?
Missy: Should be plenty.
Sheldon: I hope so. She's been awfully moody.
Missy: Maybe you aren't the best person to be handling this.
Sheldon: Agreed, but I'm all she's got.
Missy: I feel like you should tell Mom.
Sheldon: I promised I wouldn't.
Missy: I know, but this sounds serious.
Sheldon: I got her a toothbrush and lady pads, what more can I do?

Quote from the episode A Solo Peanut, a Social Butterfly and the Truth

Sheldon: Paige is staying in my dorm room, and I'm making her a care package.
Missy: Why?
Sheldon: She wants to drop out of college, and she hasn't told her parents yet.
Missy: And she came to you?
Sheldon: She said I'm the only one who would understand.
Missy: Do you?
Sheldon: Nope.

Quote from the episode A Solo Peanut, a Social Butterfly and the Truth

Sheldon: I thought you were going back to Austin?
Paige: Uh, I'm not going back. I'm gonna drop out.
Sheldon: What? Where will you go?
Paige: I was thinking here, in your dorm.
Sheldon: Here?
Paige: Well, I mean, just for a couple days until I can figure out how to tell my mom.
Sheldon: I don't know.
Paige: Please? I don't have anywhere else to go, and... as embarrassing as this is to admit... you're the only person who can help me right now.
Sheldon: [sighs] Okay.
Paige: Thanks.
Sheldon: It's the least I can do. My life is going so much better than yours.

Quote from the episode A Solo Peanut, a Social Butterfly and the Truth

Paige: Your neighbors let you hang out with them?
Sheldon: I'm basically the social glue of our floor.

Quote from the episode A Solo Peanut, a Social Butterfly and the Truth

Paige: So, did you guys get, like, assigned to look after Sheldon or something?
Darren: No, he ended up in the room next door.
Oscar: So we took him in, like a dog.
Paige: Him being so young isn't, like, weird?
Sheldon: I'm basically 50.
Darren: And we're basically 12, so it all works out.

Quote from the episode A Solo Peanut, a Social Butterfly and the Truth

Paige: You got a roommate?
Sheldon: No, it's a single.
Paige: I have a chaperone. Mona. She's, like, 30. It's the worst.
Sheldon: Why do you need a chaperone?
Paige: Maybe they think I'm, like, some kind of troublemaker.
Sheldon: As the owner of the face you punched, they're right.

Quote from the episode A Solo Peanut, a Social Butterfly and the Truth

Sheldon: Can you settle an argument? I said you're fine. Darren and Oscar said you're not fine.
Paige: [scoffs] Why wouldn't I be fine? I'm completely alone, and the one person I thought would understand is having the time of his life.
Sheldon: So... just to clarify...?
Paige: They're right, you're wrong.
Sheldon: Dang it.

Quote from the episode A Solo Peanut, a Social Butterfly and the Truth

Darren: Do you play D&D?
Paige: No. I actually just sit in my dorm room and study because I have no friends.
Darren: That's a bummer.
Paige: Yeah. I think I'm gonna go. [exits]
Sheldon: Bye.
Darren: You should go after her.
Sheldon: Why? She's a bummer, you just said so.

Quote from the episode A Solo Peanut, a Social Butterfly and the Truth

Paige: You didn't stay for the Q and A.
Sheldon: I had no Q's, and therefore, needed no A's.

Quote from the episode A Suitcase Full of Cash and a Yellow Clown Car

Sheldon: [on the phone] Well, I'll just tell you, then. Imagine an electronics megastore. Actually, "mega" doesn't cut it. Imagine an electronics yottastore. Yotta. It's ten to the 24th power. No, don't put me on hold. [groans]

Quote from the episode A Suitcase Full of Cash and a Yellow Clown Car

Sheldon: [on the phone] What do you mean, he hasn't read my fax? Is he aware I'm a shareholder? Well, where's the next shareholders' meeting? Fort Worth? I could barely get my mom to drive me to church.

Quote from the episode A Suitcase Full of Cash and a Yellow Clown Car

Sheldon: Mom, savor this moment. Can you take me to church?
Mary: Uh, I'm a little busy. Can it wait?
Sheldon: No. I've come up with a plan to bolster RadioShack's market share, and I need to fax it to corporate.
Mary: I'll tell you what, I'll take it with me in the morning and do it then.
Sheldon: But our stock is in a slump, and CompUSA is nipping at our heels.
Mary: If you really want to be helpful, you could set the table.
Sheldon: Why should I help you with your job if you won't help me with mine?
Mary: Sheldon.
Sheldon: This is important. My plan is to turn RadioShack into a shopping destination, a megastore complete with restaurants and games and electronics. Kind of like Six Flags, except with less screaming and vomit.
Mary: I'm not taking you.
Sheldon: How can I be a business tycoon if my mommy won't drive me places?

Quote from the episode A Suitcase Full of Cash and a Yellow Clown Car

Adult Sheldon: While my sister was starting her business, I was trying to save mine.
Sheldon: [on the phone] Hello, this is Sheldon Cooper. May I speak to CEO John Roach, please? It's regarding our stock taking a small dip, and I'd like to hear his game plan. Well, I'm busy, too, but I made the time to call. Fine, may I please speak to your COO? CFO? CTO? Hello?

Quote from the episode A Suitcase Full of Cash and a Yellow Clown Car

Adult Sheldon: I'd only been a shareholder for one day and I was already reveling in the giddy thrill in being part owner of a thriving tech company.
Sheldon: [on the phone] Hello, RadioShack. Sheldon Cooper, shareholder. I just wanted to let you know I'm so excited to be part of the team. While I sound young, rest assured, I'm far more intelligent than my age would imply. So if there's anything I can do to help, budgeting, product design, finding a word more impressive than "shack," I'm your man.

Quote from the episode A Suitcase Full of Cash and a Yellow Clown Car

Adult Sheldon: My sister had taken a different path with her money.
Sheldon: What is that?
Missy: It's a cotton candy machine.
Sheldon: Why?
Missy: It's a machine that makes free cotton candy.
Sheldon: It's not free, you paid for it.
Missy: Meemaw paid for it. And it's still better than lame stocks.
Sheldon: You're going to end up with a stomachache while I get to be part of America's favorite electronics retailer.