Sheldon Quotes

Quote from the episode A High-Pitched Buzz and Training Wheels

Tam: What's in the mug?
Sheldon: It's a coffee mug, Tam. What do you think is in it?
Tam: Could be soup.
Sheldon: It's coffee.
Tam: Where'd you get it?
Sheldon: The teachers' lounge. And before you ask, no, I'm not the world's greatest grandpa.

Quote from the episode A High-Pitched Buzz and Training Wheels

Tam: Since when do you drink coffee?
Sheldon: I don't, but this job is killing me. You wouldn't understand.
Tam: You realize I have a job.
Sheldon: At your parents' convenience store? That doesn't count.
Tam: Why not?
Sheldon: You get to sit at a cash register and have the fun of doing math.
Tam: Actually, the cash register tells you how much change to give.
Sheldon: Oh. That's too bad.

Quote from the episode A High-Pitched Buzz and Training Wheels

Sheldon: Thank you, Georgie. You've been a wonderful teacher, and I'm very appreciative that you took the ti- Ah! My hands are black! Why are my hands black?
George Jr.: Relax. It's just the ink from the papers.
Sheldon: Why wasn't I warned of this?! [running his hands under a tap] Out, damned spot! That's from Shakespeare!

Quote from the episode A High-Pitched Buzz and Training Wheels

Sheldon: When does the truck bring the papers?
George Jr.: When it does.
Sheldon: That's a tautology.
George Jr.: What?
Sheldon: A tautology. A statement that's true, but uninformative. Hey, you're supposed to be the one teaching me. That's funny.

Quote from the episode A High-Pitched Buzz and Training Wheels

Sheldon: Oh, there it is! [waving to the truck] Over here! Over here! This is exciting.
George Jr.: It's somethin'.
Sheldon: [waving to the truck] Thank you! Have a great day!

Quote from the episode A High-Pitched Buzz and Training Wheels

Adult Sheldon: Over the next 17 minutes, I used physics, geometry and old-fashioned hard work to create the perfect newspaper-folding system.
Sheldon: I'm done.
George Jr.: Great. Let's load up the wagon.
Sheldon: No, I'm done with this one, I still have 39 more to go.

Quote from the episode A High-Pitched Buzz and Training Wheels

Mary: How do you plan on delivering these papers?
Sheldon: Bicycle.
Mary: You don't know how to ride a bicycle.
Sheldon: There's nothing I can't learn. A week ago, I didn't know how to take apart a refrigerator.

Quote from the episode A High-Pitched Buzz and Training Wheels

Sheldon: Do you know anything about surviving psychological torture?
Tam: Because my family escaped communist Vietnam, we have to know about torture?
Sheldon: That was my thought.

Quote from the episode A High-Pitched Buzz and Training Wheels

Sheldon: Good morning.
Meemaw: [YELLS] Are you trying to kill me?
Sheldon: No, I think you're great.

Quote from the episode A High-Pitched Buzz and Training Wheels

Meemaw: Then why are you in my bed?
Sheldon: I couldn't sleep. Our refrigerator is making a weird noise. But so was one of your nostrils, so don't expect me back tonight.

Quote from the episode A High-Pitched Buzz and Training Wheels

Adult Sheldon: Some people have said I'm overly sensitive.
Sheldon: [screaming]
George Sr.: What now?
Sheldon: Missy gave me cinnamon gum!
George Sr.: Sure, sure.

Quote from the episode A High-Pitched Buzz and Training Wheels

Sheldon: Ew. Georgie, put your shoes back on!
George Jr.: He can't smell this.
Sheldon: Yes, I can!

Quote from the episode Vanilla Ice Cream, Gentlemen Callers, and a Dinette Set

Sheldon: Excellent. I love him, too.
Meemaw: Get out of here!
Sheldon: If you don't understand what Dr. Sturgis says, I'm happy to explain it to you.
Meemaw: Get...!

Quote from the episode Vanilla Ice Cream, Gentlemen Callers, and a Dinette Set

Sheldon: I'm done. Can I please be excused?
Mary: Good Lord, did you even chew it?
Sheldon: Not the recommended amount, no.

Quote from the episode Vanilla Ice Cream, Gentlemen Callers, and a Dinette Set

Sheldon: But I still don't understand.
Meemaw: Your grandmother's a single lady. She's not committed to any one fella, and she wants to see what her options are.
Sheldon: But Dr. Sturgis is the best option.
Mary: Well, you might feel that way, but she's not so sure.
Sheldon: Then we need to tell her. I'll make the call.
Mary: No. We need to mind our business and maybe pray for her to make the right decision.
Sheldon: We're gonna leave this up to God?
Mary: You think you could do a better job than God?
Sheldon: Maybe not with creating the universe, but I bet I could free the Hebrews with one good plague.

Quote from the episode Vanilla Ice Cream, Gentlemen Callers, and a Dinette Set

Sheldon: I don't want to celebrate too soon, but Meemaw and Mr. Rosenbloom are back, and he was crying. [gives thumbs up] There'll be more updates as they happen.

Quote from the episode Vanilla Ice Cream, Gentlemen Callers, and a Dinette Set

Meemaw: Yes?
Sheldon: How's it going?
Meemaw: It's Sheldon again.
Sheldon: What do you mean "again"?
Meemaw: Speak.
Sheldon: I recently read an article about a superconducting supercollider that might be built in Texas.
Meemaw: What about it?
Sheldon: Well, I thought if there was a lull in your dinner conversation, you might casually drop it as an icebreaker.
Meemaw: Our dinner conversation is going just fine.
Sheldon: Well, now you have it in your back pocket. Carry on.

Quote from the episode Summer Sausage, a Pocket Poncho, and Tony Danza

Sheldon: Mom, Mom, Mom.
Mary: What's wrong?
George Sr.: What's going on?
Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis and Meemaw had their first sleepover. It's a big step in their relationship. I'm going to go congratulate them.
George Sr.: Hey, put on a jacket, it's chilly out.
Sheldon: Will do!
Mary: Or try saying he can't go.
George Sr.: Oh, never mind, you can't go!
Sheldon: The last thing I heard was jacket!

Quote from the episode Summer Sausage, a Pocket Poncho, and Tony Danza

Sheldon: I've been researching things that you and I can do with Dr. Sturgis. There's a lecture tonight at Rice University called "What's happening at the center of our galaxy".
Meemaw: Let me just stop you right there.
Sheldon: Don't worry. I know what's happening at the center, but I would never spoil it for you.

Quote from the episode Summer Sausage, a Pocket Poncho, and Tony Danza

Sheldon: And then she said for grown-ups to get to know each other, they have to have time alone.
Dr. John Sturgis: Makes sense. What else?
Sheldon: Apparently my being underfoot isn't conducive to romance.
Dr. John Sturgis: This is very helpful. Thank you.
Sheldon: I'm at your service.