Mary: What are you girls reading?
Missy: Christian Teen. It's such a good one.
Mary: Oh.
[Mary takes the magazine off Missy and finds another magazine, Sassy, inside it]
Mary: Really, girls?
Missy: How'd you know?
Mary: Because I am your mother and I know everything. [returns Christian Teen. You can keep this one.
[After Missy discards the Christian magazine, she notices Sheldon watching her and smiling. He quickly looks away.]

George Sr.: So, what happened?
Missy: You're not gonna believe this, but he was hanging out with another girl behind my back.
George Sr.: Oh, well... Maybe they're just friends.
Missy: Heather M. saw them holding hands at the roller rink. Does that sound like friends to you?
George Sr.: Well... no. [swallows]
Missy: Are all boys liars?
George Sr.: Uh... no.
Missy: I mean, how could he do this to me? I thought I could trust him. Did he think I wouldn't find out?
George Sr.: You know what, kiddo? I think it's time for Daddy to take his heart pills. [pills rattle]
Missy: I'm glad we talked.
George Sr.: [chuckles] Oh, me, too, me, too.
Mary: [enters] Hey.
George Sr.: Hmm?
Mary: I just wanted to let you know I invited Brenda over for a big thank-you dinner.
George Sr.: [spits out water] [chuckles] Oh. Terrific. [sighs; coughs]

Missy: How can you remember this stupid information, but not the stuff on your test?
Sheldon: You tell me, they're your yips.
Missy: Sheldon, if I knew how to make it stop, I would tell you.
Sheldon: You better.
Missy: Maybe it's puberty making you all emotional.
Sheldon: I checked my armpits... Smooth as balloons. [Missy groans]

Mary: You see Sheldon?
Missy: [points ]That way.
George Sr.: What's going on?
Mary: He's having some sort of panic attack.
Missy: [chuckles] Oh, man. My story just keeps getting better.

Missy: And then they crashed into a tree.
Darlene: Oh, no!
Missy: The engine caught fire.
Darlene: My goodness, is everyone okay?
Missy: Thankfully, yes. But I was pretty shook up.
Darlene: Well, don't worry about that test today.
Missy: Thank you for understanding.
Darlene: Mm-hmm.
Missy: Oh, and where are we on homework tonight?
Darlene: Don't push it.
Missy: Right.

[fantasy:]
Meemaw: Get out of my way. I'm a thief, and I'm opening this chest.
Dale: Have at it. I'm a paladin with a buzz on.
[reality:]
Sheldon: Success. The chest opens, revealing a scroll with ancient writing in a strange language you don't recognize. What do you do?
Missy: I say this is boring...
[fantasy:]
Missy: ...and turn myself into a Ninja Turtle Princess of Power.
♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles... ♪
Missy: This game just got good. High five.
Dale: Yeah.
♪ Heroes in a half-shell, turtle power. ♪

Missy: Do you think Pastor Jeff will let me babysit for him?
Mary: I don't know. Their baby isn't even a year old yet.
Missy: Heather M. got ten bucks, and all she did was watch MTV while her cousin slept. [scoffs] What a scam.
Mary: It's not always that easy.
Missy: They lay there like a lump. How hard can it be? [Mary sighs] Will you please just ask Pastor Jeff?
Mary: I... I don't think you're gonna like it.
Missy: You don't think I'm responsible enough.
Mary: All I said was I don't think you're gonna like it.
Missy: I don't like homework, but I do it.
Mary: I have seen your homework. Is that how you're gonna take care of a baby?
Missy: Math is harder than babies.

George Jr.: I liked it better when you wanted to marry ALF.
Missy: I still kind of do.

Missy: "I know you got your hands full with all that sad stuff, like disease and war and hunger and poverty, so thanks again for helping me get some hits at practice." Amen.
Mary: Don't forget to ask him to keep our family safe and healthy.
Missy: I just hung up. Don't make me call him back.

Paige: Let's go to the mall.
Sheldon: Mom doesn't like the mall.
Missy: She says the mannequins don't have enough clothes on, but I think it's 'cause we're poor.
Sheldon: We are poor. I do our taxes.

Sheldon: Dad, I don't want to get ahead of myself, but I think I solved our electricity problem.
Mary: Not now, Sheldon.
George Sr.: I wouldn't mind hearing it.
Mary: Who?
Missy: If you want, I'll ask around.

Missy: Mrs. Sparks' credit card got declined at Payless.
George Sr.: No kidding.
Missy: She went nuts. But you didn't hear it from me.

George Sr.: What are you doing?
Missy: Watching Sheldon struggle with homework. It's so great.

Dr. Sandra Thorpe: Missy, what do you think is happening in this picture?
Missy: The girl monkey on the couch is telling the guy monkey a secret. Must be something juicy, 'cause he's smiling.
Dr. Sandra Thorpe: Anything else?
Missy: It might be dirty, 'cause this girl monkey is sending the kid monkey out of the room. He doesn't want to go. He looks sad.
Dr. Sandra Thorpe: Is that all?
Missy: The monkeys on the couch are drinking tea, so it's a tea party.
Dr. Sandra Thorpe: Okay, very good. Let's look at another picture.
Missy: I'm not done. The monkey in the painting is wearing an old lady hat, so she's probably a meemaw monkey. She's not at the party, so she must be bowling or dead.

Mary: Missy, how was practice?
Missy: So good.
Meemaw: Tell us everything.
Missy: The boys were a little mean at first, but I handled it.
[flashback:]
Missy: Can I warm up with you?
Rick: I don't play baseball with girls.
Missy: Really? Your friend's playing with one.
Luke: Ooh!
[back]
Meemaw: I am so proud of you.

Missy: Where's your gallbladder? I want to see it.
Nurse Robinson: They throw it away, honey.
George Jr.: Why?
Missy: Aww.

Dr. John Sturgis: [snoring]
Mary: What happened?
George Sr.: Oh, I had a few beers. He had one.
Missy: Seriously? We can't get a dog, and this guy's still here?

Mary: Why are you readin' the Bible?
Missy: I felt bad about last night, so I thought it might be good for me.
Mary: Where are you going with this?
Missy: Nowhere, I just want to make you happy.
Mary: Uh-huh.
Missy: "And the man increased exceedingly, and had much cattle, and maidservants, and menservants, and camels, and asses."
Mary: Okay. Stop.
Missy: What? I'm just reading from Genesis.
Mary: Well, cut it out.
Missy: Fine. Let's try Exodus. "And on the seventh day thou shalt rest: that thine ox and thine ass may rest."
Mary: That is it, you are grounded.
Missy: For reading the Bible?
Mary: The way you are doing it, yes. Go to your room.
Missy: Okay. I don't have a donkey. But if I did, I'd take my ass out of here.

Missy: So it's not gonna be scary?
Mary: It will, but without all the blood and gore.
Missy: But I like blood and gore.

Missy: Why do we need the camera?
Sheldon: So people in the future can see your transformation. Where are you going?
Missy: To put on a dress for the future people.