Missy: How can you remember this stupid information, but not the stuff on your test?
Sheldon: You tell me, they're your yips.
Missy: Sheldon, if I knew how to make it stop, I would tell you.
Sheldon: You better.
Missy: Maybe it's puberty making you all emotional.
Sheldon: I checked my armpits... Smooth as balloons. [Missy groans]

Missy: Eat dirt. Eat it.
Meemaw: Kick his ass!
Missy: Does it taste good? Huh?
Dale: Yeah, listen to your meemaw. Kick his ass!
Missy: You gonna cry? Huh? Do it. Cry.
Mary: Do something. Break it up.
George Sr.: H-Hang on. She's winning.
Mary: Missy! Missy Cooper, you stop beating up that boy!
Meemaw: Punch him in the nuts!

Missy: Someone's Underoos are in a knot.
Sheldon: My Underoos are fitting just fine, thank you.
Missy: Then why is there a stick up your butt?
Sheldon: Stop making inquiries about my bottom.
Missy: But I enjoy it.

[Sheldon sits on the top of the couch with his feet on the cushion]
Missy: What are you doing?
Sheldon: I'm practicing the philosophy of cynicism... The ancient Greek view that the rules of society should be ignored.
Missy: If you're gonna break rules, you can do better than that.
Sheldon: How?
[Missy pushes Sheldon off the couch]

George Sr.: Look. I know you don't respect what I do as a coach.
Sheldon: Maybe you do know me.
George Sr.: But this is a thing I actually know about. I've seen it happen to my players. I've seen it happen to pros in golf. In baseball. The answer is always the same. Stop thinking and get out of your own way.
Sheldon: I don't know how to do that.
George Sr.: Have you ever heard the Nike slogan "Just do it"?
Sheldon: I'm familiar with the phrase "let's do it," uttered by Gary Gilmore, the last person to be executed by firing squad in America.
George Sr.: Okay, well, it's a shoe slogan. And it's good advice. The answer is already in your head. Don't think so hard. Just do it.
Sheldon: I'll try.
George Sr.: Good man.

Adult Sheldon: Of all the tests one takes in school, my favorite was the midterm. Finals weren't bad, but they also meant summer was approaching. I don't believe in religion, but sunshine, picnics and pool parties are proof hell exists.

Sheldon: I can't remember what the zeroes of the Bessel function are.
Dr. Linkletter: You didn't memorize them?
Sheldon: Of course I did... October 7th, 1988. I had just had a bowl of Teddy Grahams.
Dr. Linkletter: Then what's the problem?
Sheldon: I'm blanking, but I'll get it.
Dr. Linkletter: Sorry, son, class is over.
Sheldon: No, I can do this.
Dr. Linkletter: It's just one question. You'll still pass.
Sheldon: Sheldon Cooper doesn't "just pass."
Dr. Linkletter: I have an idea. Let me see the test. [Sheldon hands him the test] Thank you.
Sheldon: Sheldon Cooper isn't always that gullible.
Dr. Linkletter: He was today.