Sheldon: Do you have evil thoughts?
Missy: I'm having one right now.
Sheldon: Really? What is it?
Missy: When we get home, I'm gonna kick your little balls.
Sheldon: You can't. They haven't descended yet.

Missy: Hey.
Mary: Hey, baby, where's Sheldon?
Missy: I don't know, he left.
Mary: He left? Where'd he go?
Missy: He wouldn't tell me, but he wrote it in this weird letter.
Mary: When did he leave?
Missy: An hour ago.
Mary: An hour?!
Missy: I told him not to go.

Missy: I get it.
Sheldon: What do you get?
Missy: Why you don't want to go to college.
Sheldon: I doubt that you do.
Missy: You're scared everything's gonna be different and it'll be hard. And you're gonna miss the way that it was.
Sheldon: How do you know that?
Missy: 'Cause that's how I feel.
Sheldon: You're scared?
Missy: Yeah.
Sheldon: So what do we do?
Missy: I guess be scared and do it anyway.
Sheldon: Hmm. It's comforting to know that you feel the same way that I do.
Missy: That's why I said it, dumbass.

Sheldon: Is it working? Are you feeling motivated?
Missy: Very. [Missy punches Sheldon in the face]

Mary: What were you even thinking?
Missy: I was thinking I look hot.
Mary: You know you're not allowed to wear makeup.
Missy: That's why I didn't tell you.
Mary: And who gave it to you? Heather B.? Heather M.?
Missy: Meemaw.
Mary: So your grandmother was okay with you looking like this in your school pictures?
Missy: If you don't believe me, ask her.
Mary: Oh, I'm going to.
Missy: Really?

Mary: Something wrong?
Missy: How come math is easy for Sheldon and hard for me?
Mary: I don't know, honey, but you have your own gifts.
Missy: Like what?
Mary: Well, like you have very pretty hair.
Missy: True.

Sheldon: Good luck with your finger painting.
Missy: You're gonna get your ass kicked in high school.
Mary: (flicks Missy on the head) Hey!

Mary: Oh, thank you, Lord, for connecting us with the parents of another special child. [Mary sees Georgie and Missy sitting on the couch] You kids are special, too.
George Jr.: Do you feel special?
Missy: At least I'm the only daughter. You got nothing.

Missy: Why can't we watch Duck Tales?
Sheldon: Because we don't learn anything.
Missy: It's TV! We aren't supposed to learn.

Sheldon: Oh, I couldn't tell you how much to give. But I can tell you the Stuckeys stepped up for a thousand dollars. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Well, you need to give what's comfortable for you. And of course, I don't need to remind you, it's entirely tax deductible. [Missy whispers in Sheldon's ear] And at the next pancake breakfast, you can hold your head high. Thank you.
That's very generous. Goodbye. [hangs up phone] The pancake line closed it.
Missy: We are so going to heaven.

Mary: Hey, what you reading?
Missy: A magazine.
Mary: Oh. Making a collage for school?
Missy: No, just reading it.
Mary: Look at that. Maybe Sheldon isn't the only bookworm around here. Which magazine?
Missy: Cosmopolitan.
Mary: What?
Missy: It's a magazine for today's woman. [Mary takes the magazine] Hey! I was about to find out what turns a man on.

Meemaw: You know, if I had something in my room she might disapprove of, I might be looking for a real good hiding place right about now.
George Jr.: I think I'm okay.
Missy: Your air vent? [Georgie rushes back to his room]

[Missy outside her parents' bedroom eavesdropping on their conversation]
George Sr.: Like I'm some kind of loser, a booby prize.
Missy: Booby prize.
Mary: What was that? [Missy runs away and knocks on Georgie's door, he comes out just as Mary opens her door] Georgie, you mind your own business.
George Jr.: What did I do?

Sheldon: Mom! Meemaw swatted me on the bottom!
Mary: What? Why?
Sheldon: I wanted something, and then she said no, and then I called her selfish, and then she went crazy!
Mary: Let me call her.
Missy: Really? You don't want to thank her in person?

Missy: We'll be okay on our own.
Sheldon: Yeah, we need to prove we can do this.
Meemaw: All right. I respect that. And I'm happy to keep this little incident a secret.
Missy: Really? I'm telling everyone. It was hilarious.

Missy: All I know is, he's not in the same grade as me any more. And I'm thrilled.

Missy: Didn't you already read that book?
Sheldon: I'm reading it again.
Missy: How come?
Sheldon: I clearly missed something. I couldn't find one person who wanted to be my friend.
Missy: Did you look at the card inside?
Sheldon: Why? That's just other people who checked out the book.
Missy: It's a list of losers like you who can't find a friend.
Sheldon: So?
Missy: So they're desperate, and you have their names.

Mary: Okay, let's go over it one more time. House key's under the plastic owl by the front door. There's after-school snacks in the fridge. One for each of you. Emergency numbers are right there by the phone. First aid kit is in the hall closet. And you won't be needing it, but under the kitchen sink is a fire extinguisher.
Missy: Ooh, that looks fun.
Mary: For fires only, and don't be starting one just to use it.
Missy: It's like she can read my mind.

Mary: And you are not to bring filth like this into our house again.
Missy: That's not fair. Sheldon reads dirty stuff all the time, and you don't say anything.
Mary: He does not.
Missy: Check out the comic book on his desk.
Mary: What? Oh, my goodness. Oh. Oh, my. Hold on. No. No. Th-This blue man's backside is all over the place.
Missy: On page 112, you get to see his front side.

Missy: Why is the monkey invisible?
Sheldon: I don't know.
Missy: Is it a ghost monkey?
Sheldon: Sure.
Missy: Then why isn't he in heaven?
Sheldon: Because there is no heaven.
Missy: What about monkey heaven?
Sheldon: There is no monkey heaven. There is no regular heaven. When we die, we cease to exist. That's it.
Missy: You better hope you're right. 'Cause if I end up in regular heaven and you end up in hell, I'm gonna laugh. But if you end up in monkey hell, I'm gonna laugh even harder.
Sheldon: Just paint your nails.
Missy: [prays] God, when Sheldon dies, please send him to monkey hell. Amen.