George: No! No more bread. No more country. No more talking.

Principal Petersen: Guess what I've been getting a lot of calls about today.
George: I know it looks bad, but we're handling it. It-It'll all blow over.
Principal Petersen: I'm sorry, George, but I can't have a suspected communist coaching our boys.
George: Whoa, Tom. I'm not I love my country. This is just Sheldon getting bent out of shape over a loaf of bread.
Principal Petersen: Well, this bread better be worth you losing your job.
George: Now, hang on. G-Give me a chance to fix it. Please.
Principal Petersen: All right, George. But if I hear from one more angry parent-
George: Thank you. Thank you. [PHONE RINGS] He's not here.

George: What the hell is that?
Mary: Sheldon's learning to play the violin.
George: Oh. Well, that's unfortunate.

George: Everything okay?
Sheldon: No. I have to give a speech in front of the entire assembly.
George: Oh. Got a little stage fright?
Sheldon: Unfortunately so. Just thinking about it causes my bladder to misbehave.
George: Yeah, I been there.
Sheldon: You have?
George: Sure. When I first started coaching, I was real nervous to talk to the team, you know, give a locker room speech. Then, one day it dawned on me, I'm not just talking to football players, I'm talking to teenage football players. Most of them aren't listening to a word I'm saying.
Sheldon: That's an interesting perspective.
George: I'll tell you something else. You don't give yourself enough credit for how brave you are.
Sheldon: I don't?
George: No. Sheldon, you are ten years old, going to high school. Everyone's older than you, everyone's bigger than you, but you keep at it, day after day. That's brave. Any kid who can do that could give a speech to the United Nations if he had to.
Sheldon: Thanks, Dad.

George: So, tough times, huh?
Pastor Jeff: Yeah.
George: Yeah. Hey, uh, does the Bible say anything about heartache and such?
Pastor Jeff: Psalm 147, verse three: "The Lord healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds."
George: Well, there you go-eth.

George: Hey, I haven't seen the pastor. He go home?
Mary: He hasn't come out of Georgie's room.
George: Maybe he found Georgie's magazines.
Mary: He's a man of God.
George: You're adorable.

Sheldon: It's nice that you're going to socialize with Meemaw's new boyfriend.
George: I know. She's gonna hate it.

George: So they don't want Sheldon at the party, and Sheldon doesn't want to be at the party, but you're making him go to the party.
Mary: I'm sure he'll have a good time when he gets there.
George: And this isn't just because you made a big fuss, and you're gonna be embarrassed if he doesn't go?
Mary: No.
George: For a good Christian lady, you sure do lie a lot.

Local TV Newscaster: In local news, Friday night's football game was marred by a brutal injury, when football coach George Cooper saved himself at the expense of beloved school librarian Cheryl Hutchins.
George: Oh, no.
Local TV Newscaster: We warn you, the following footage is hard to watch.
George: Well, then, don't show it.
Local TV Newscaster: Let's see it again in slow motion.
George: This is not news.

Darlene: Ooh, this camper is so cool.
Mary: We borrowed it from my mom's boyfriend.
George: Yeah, you might not want to poke around too much. You find my mother-in-law's bra, I'm driving into a brick wall.

George: [on the phone] What did you tell her?
Brenda Sparks: Nothing.
George: Well, whatever you said's got her sniffing around me like a hound dog after a polecat.
Brenda Sparks: A hound dog after a polecat?
George: When I get nervous, I get extra country.
Brenda Sparks: Did you get country in front of her?
George: No.
Brenda Sparks: So you played it cool.
George: No.

Sheldon: Dr. Linkletter and I are stuck on a science problem. I know Dr. Sturgis could help, but I'm hesitant to suggest that because I know they have a professional rivalry.
George: Well, the way I see it, y'all are on Team Science, right?
Sheldon: I suppose.
George: And people on the same team don't have to get along to work together.
Sheldon: Like you and Mom.
George: No. A quarterback and his receivers. He doesn't throw it to the guy he likes best. He throws it to the one that's open.
Billy Sparks: So smart.
Sheldon: So, I should ask Dr. Sturgis what he thinks about the dark matter being a Bose condensate?
George: Do you want Team Science to win?
Sheldon: Thank you. This has been helpful. [exits]
Billy Sparks: What's a Bose condensate?
George: I'll tell you at halftime.

Missy: Can we watch 90210?
George: What's that?
Missy: It's about kids who go to school in Beverly Hills.
George: [groans] If you want to see a show about Beverly Hills, we should watch Beverly Hillbillies. [chuckles] That's a show.
Missy: What's it about?
George: Eh... Imagine your meemaw moving to California.
Missy: I'd watch that.

George: I think I might know why those kids want to use his room.
Mary: Well, he said for studying.
George: They ain't studying.
Missy: Oh, now it makes sense.
Mary: You really think they're...
George: A bunch of college kids in an empty dorm room?
Mary: [sighs] Should we tell him?
George: I don't want to tell him. Do you?
Missy: I'll tell him.
Mary: No.
George: Oh, hang on, she volunteered.
Mary: No.

Mary: You did not just tell our son that he could stay the night by himself.
George: The campus is safe, and he's not by himself, he's with friends.
Mary: Friends that we don't know. What if there is alcohol?
George: Then they're gonna get a lot of fun facts about the history of fermented beverages.
Mary: I am serious.
George: So am I. How else would I know that monkeys get drunk by eating rotten fruit off the jungle floor?
Mary: He is not ready for this kind of situation.
George: Mary, he's a good kid. He's not gonna drink anything he shouldn't. And if he cared about peer pressure, he wouldn't wear a bow tie.