Mary: Your sandwich is exactly the same, Sheldon.
George: What's going on?
Sheldon: This bread is different.
George: Let me see. You know, he might be right. [Mary hits George] Ow.

Mary: So he's really good to graduate?
Principal Petersen: He sure is. I got to tell ya, usually when kids leave school after two years, it's not for college. It's for prison or pregnancy.
George: Well, between Georgie and Missy, we may hit the trifecta.
Mary: George!
George: Well, I'm not rooting for it. It's just a thing that could happen.

Georgie: You know what else is nice?
George: Hmm?
Georgie: I get to learn from all your parenting mistakes.
George: I'm starting to think letting you live this long was one of 'em.
Georgie: Like that. I'd never say something so awful to my kid. [George scoffs] Thanks, big guy.

Georgie: A bill? Really?
George: Room and board, buddy.
Georgie: $50 a month for food?
George: The way you eat, I should've gone $50 a week.
Georgie: Laundry services?
George: Your poor mother has to touch your underwear.
Georgie: What's the $10 a month "peema" charge?
George: Oh, P-I-M-A, that's a "Pain in My Ass" tax. My way of getting compensated for you taking years off my life.

Georgie: You sure you want to be seen with me?
Veronica: Oh, please. You're not a commie.
Georgie: Everyone else seems to think I am.
Veronica: Do you even know what a communist is?
Georgie: Yeah. It's the big blond guy Rocky fights in Rocky IV. And he also fights them when he's Rambo.
Veronica: [CHUCKLES] That's it?
Georgie: Well, I know in every movie it looks like the commies are gonna win, but they don't. You ever seen any Rocky movies?
Veronica: Um, I saw Rocky II.
Georgie: That's the second one.

Meemaw: [singing] Oh, say, does that star-spangled banner, Yet wave-

Meemaw: [singing] From the mountains, To the prairies, To the oceans white with foam, God bless America, Our home sweet home-
Man: Pinko!
Meemaw: Screw you! [singing] God bless America!