Pastor Jeff: Two months! Two months till this baby comes! There's so much I thought I was gonna do in my life.
George Sr.: I'm sure you've done plenty.
Pastor Jeff: Nothing cool. Look at you. You played football and rode a motorcycle.
George Sr.: Well, you save people's souls. That's neat, right?
Pastor Jeff: Oh, it's neat as neat can be, but you know that's not what I'm talking about.
George Sr.: [sighs] Look, being a dad doesn't mean your life is over. It just means it's different. Instead of playing football, I get to coach it now. I mean, high school football. Not college like I'd hoped. I-Instead of a motorcycle, I drive a truck. To work every single day. To pay the bills. [sighs] Oh. Endless bills. What happened to my life?
Pastor Jeff: Orange wedge?

George Sr.: This is ridiculous.
Coach Wilkins: Just do it, you baby.
George Sr.: Fine. Mary, I appreciate you.
Coach Wilkins: That's the best you can do? Baby, you have any single friends for this poor woman?
George Sr.: Mary, I appreciate how much you take care of the house and... all of us. I know it's not easy.
Mary: Thank you. That means a lot.
Coach Wilkins: I love it. Mary, you're up.
Mary: [chuckles] Well, George... I appreciate how hard you work. I know you make a lot of sacrifices for us, and you don't get enough credit for that.
George Sr.: Thank you.

George Sr.: Hey, I haven't seen the pastor. He go home?
Mary: He hasn't come out of Georgie's room.
George Sr.: Maybe he found Georgie's magazines.
Mary: He's a man of God.
George Sr.: You're adorable.

George Sr.: I'll be right back.
George Jr.: Mind if I have a sip of your beer?
George Sr.: You mind if I dip your head in the compost heap?
George Jr.: You could have just said no.

George Sr.: So, tough times, huh?
Pastor Jeff: Yeah.
George Sr.: Yeah. Hey, uh, does the Bible say anything about heartache and such?
Pastor Jeff: Psalm 147, verse three: "The Lord healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds."
George Sr.: Well, there you go-eth.

Darlene: Ooh, this camper is so cool.
Mary: We borrowed it from my mom's boyfriend.
George Sr.: Yeah, you might not want to poke around too much. You find my mother-in-law's bra, I'm driving into a brick wall.

George Sr.: Look. I know you don't respect what I do as a coach.
Sheldon: Maybe you do know me.
George Sr.: But this is a thing I actually know about. I've seen it happen to my players. I've seen it happen to pros in golf. In baseball. The answer is always the same. Stop thinking and get out of your own way.
Sheldon: I don't know how to do that.
George Sr.: Have you ever heard the Nike slogan "Just do it"?
Sheldon: I'm familiar with the phrase "let's do it," uttered by Gary Gilmore, the last person to be executed by firing squad in America.
George Sr.: Okay, well, it's a shoe slogan. And it's good advice. The answer is already in your head. Don't think so hard. Just do it.
Sheldon: I'll try.
George Sr.: Good man.

George Sr.: No! No more bread. No more country. No more talking.

Principal Petersen: Guess what I've been getting a lot of calls about today.
George Sr.: I know it looks bad, but we're handling it. It-It'll all blow over.
Principal Petersen: I'm sorry, George, but I can't have a suspected communist coaching our boys.
George Sr.: Whoa, Tom. I'm not I love my country. This is just Sheldon getting bent out of shape over a loaf of bread.
Principal Petersen: Well, this bread better be worth you losing your job.
George Sr.: Now, hang on. G-Give me a chance to fix it. Please.
Principal Petersen: All right, George. But if I hear from one more angry parent-
George Sr.: Thank you. Thank you. [PHONE RINGS] He's not here.

Local TV Newscaster: In local news, Friday night's football game was marred by a brutal injury, when football coach George Cooper saved himself at the expense of beloved school librarian Cheryl Hutchins.
George Sr.: Oh, no.
Local TV Newscaster: We warn you, the following footage is hard to watch.
George Sr.: Well, then, don't show it.
Local TV Newscaster: Let's see it again in slow motion.
George Sr.: This is not news.

Missy: Can we watch 90210?
George Sr.: What's that?
Missy: It's about kids who go to school in Beverly Hills.
George Sr.: [groans] If you want to see a show about Beverly Hills, we should watch Beverly Hillbillies. [chuckles] That's a show.
Missy: What's it about?
George Sr.: Eh... Imagine your meemaw moving to California.
Missy: I'd watch that.

George Sr.: So how'd you wind up coaching baseball?
Dale: Well, with the sporting goods store, you know, I've sponsored a couple of teams, and then this year, my grandson wanted to play, so it lets me spend more time with him.
George Sr.: That's nice. Yeah, I coach my son in football.
Dale: Sheldon?
George Sr.: Oh, God, no. Can you imagine?
Dale: You really scared me there for a second.

Ms. Hutchins: Hi, George.
George Sr.: Oh, hey, Ms. Hutchins. I don't think I've ever seen you at a game before.
Ms. Hutchins: Well, uh, it's Friday, and I promised my therapist I'd try one new thing a week.
George Sr.: And you picked football. Good for you.
Ms. Hutchins: I don't suppose Sheldon's here?
George Sr.: Nah, he doesn't much care for outdoor sports. Or sports. Or the outdoors.

George Sr.: Oh, yeah. Connie's great. You can have a beer with her, watch a football game, joke around. She doesn't mind if you swear. In fact, that woman's got a mouth on her.
Dale: I have noticed that.
George Sr.: Yeah. You know, I just realized something. I got more in common with my mother-in-law than I do my own wife.
Dale: That's kind of creepy.
George Sr.: Yeah. Let's hope the beer does its job and I don't remember this tomorrow.

George Sr.: What the hell is that?
Mary: Sheldon's learning to play the violin.
George Sr.: Oh. Well, that's unfortunate.

Dale: So, George, how do I convince this one to come fishing with me next weekend?
Meemaw: I told you, nobody's gonna see this face after a night in a tent.
George Sr.: Mm. Smart. You don't want that mug scaring the fish.

George Sr.: Why don't we just come clean?
Meemaw: All right, sure, we could do that. You could rat me out to Mary and I could tell her what you did at the church picnic.
George Sr.: Come on. Now you're just playing dirty.
Meemaw: We sink or swim together, George. We sink or swim together.
George Sr.: Grandmas are supposed to be nice. What went wrong with you?

George Sr.: I don't understand why that dog is so interested in Sheldon.
Missy: Maybe Bucky likes the way Sheldon smells?
George Sr.: Your brother washes himself three times a day. He has no smell.

George Jr.: Should I be wearing all that?
Sheldon: I recommend it. Those rocks are filthy.
George Jr.: I'm good. God made dirt. Dirt don't hurt.

George Sr.: [on the phone] What did you tell her?
Brenda Sparks: Nothing.
George Sr.: Well, whatever you said's got her sniffing around me like a hound dog after a polecat.
Brenda Sparks: A hound dog after a polecat?
George Sr.: When I get nervous, I get extra country.
Brenda Sparks: Did you get country in front of her?
George Sr.: No.
Brenda Sparks: So you played it cool.
George Sr.: No.