George Sr. Quotes

Quote from the episode Seven Deadly Sins and a Small Carl Sagan

Mary: I can't believe this.
George Sr.: No good?
Mary: It's awful. It makes sin seem like a good thing.
George Sr.: Well, that's the problem, isn't it? I mean, if sin didn't seem like a good thing, nobody would do it.
Mary: George, please, I'm in no mood.
George Sr.: Hey. Wrath. That's one of the seven sins, right?
Mary: Pastor Jeff gave me this project because he knew I'd be best at it. Now Gene Lundy is taking over.
George Sr.: Oh, look, pride. And envy. Don't stop. Four sins to go. I'm guessing lust ain't happening tonight.

Quote from the episode Carbon Dating and a Stuffed Raccoon

Linda: And then when Paige turned six, it was obvious she wasn't like the other kids, and she needed a school where she could excel.
George Sr.: Uh-huh.
Linda: But Barry's dental practice was 50 miles outside of Fayetteville, and do you know what's available for extraordinary children 50 miles outside of Fayetteville?
George Sr.: I'm gonna guess not much.
Linda: Nothing. So I packed us up, and I made him move to Texas where, believe it or not, people do get cavities.
George Sr.: I believe it. I had a humdinger last summer. Face swelled up like a cantaloupe.

Quote from the episode Pongo Pygmaeus and a Culture that Encourages Spitting

George Sr.: So how'd you wind up coaching baseball?
Dale: Well, with the sporting goods store, you know, I've sponsored a couple of teams, and then this year, my grandson wanted to play, so it lets me spend more time with him.
George Sr.: That's nice. Yeah, I coach my son in football.
Dale: Sheldon?
George Sr.: Oh, God, no. Can you imagine?
Dale: You really scared me there for a second.

Quote from the episode A Dog, a Squirrel, and a Fish Named Fish

George Sr.: I don't understand why that dog is so interested in Sheldon.
Missy: Maybe Bucky likes the way Sheldon smells?
George Sr.: Your brother washes himself three times a day. He has no smell.

Quote from the episode Demons, Sunday School, and Prime Numbers

Mary: I'm worried. There are incantations in this book to summon actual demons.
George Sr.: Is that how we wound up with you?
Meemaw: That's a good one. I'm gonna give you that.
Mary: This is not a joke. This is one of the children's games we were warned about in church.
Meemaw: Then tell him to stop playing.
Mary: It's not that easy. He's finally got a couple of friends. I don't want to scare them off.
George Sr.: Well, when you're ready to scare kids, you got this face locked and loaded.
Meemaw: All right, the other one was funny, now you're just being a jackass.

Quote from the episode A Party Invitation, Football Grapes and an Earth Chicken

George Sr.: Your mother won't let me have a TV in my room, so you're not getting one in yours.
George Jr.: Why do you care what Mom says? You're the man of the house, what you say goes.
George Sr.: If you're not gonna take this seriously, I don't know why I'm talking to you.

Quote from the episode Carbon Dating and a Stuffed Raccoon

Linda: I mean, you, of all people, would understand. You've got a special child of your own.
George Sr.: I do, I do.
Linda: How do you and Mary handle the stress?
George Sr.: Well, we actually have a pretty good system.
Linda: Oh, please tell me.
George Sr.: We don't talk about it.
Linda: Not at all?
George Sr.: Zippo.
Linda: Boy, that doesn't sound like it could work.
George Sr.: Suit yourself, but I'm having a nice day; you're crying into your peach cobbler.

Quote from the episode Albert Einstein and the Story of Another Mary

George Sr.: What's going on? You all right?
Mary: I'm not feeling great.
George Sr.: Is it a pregnant thing? 'Cause I got some good news on that. I got a decent raise.
Mary: It doesn't matter.
George Sr.: What do you mean it doesn't matter? We can pull this off now.
Mary: I lost the baby.
George Sr.: Oh.
Mary: You're probably relieved, huh?
George Sr.: Actually no. I love the first three. Fourth one's a charm, right?

Quote from the episode A Swedish Science Thing and the Equation for Toast

George Jr.: A bill? Really?
George Sr.: Room and board, buddy.
George Jr.: $50 a month for food?
George Sr.: The way you eat, I should've gone $50 a week.
George Jr.: Laundry services?
George Sr.: Your poor mother has to touch your underwear.
George Jr.: What's the $10 a month "peema" charge?
George Sr.: Oh, P-I-M-A, that's a "Pain in My Ass" tax. My way of getting compensated for you taking years off my life.

Quote from the episode A Slump, a Cross and Roadside Gravel

George Jr.: Should I be wearing all that?
Sheldon: I recommend it. Those rocks are filthy.
George Jr.: I'm good. God made dirt. Dirt don't hurt.

Quote from the episode Vanilla Ice Cream, Gentlemen Callers, and a Dinette Set

Mary: I know you've had a number of gentleman callers, but I've never heard you speak like this before.
Meemaw: "Gentleman callers"?
George Sr.: And we wonder where Sheldon gets it.

Quote from the episode A Broken Heart and a Crock Monster

George Sr.: Hey, I haven't seen the pastor. He go home?
Mary: He hasn't come out of Georgie's room.
George Sr.: Maybe he found Georgie's magazines.
Mary: He's a man of God.
George Sr.: You're adorable.

Quote from the episode Carbon Dating and a Stuffed Raccoon

Sheldon: Did you know that her parents are getting a divorce?
George Sr.: Just keep walking. Keep walking.

Quote from the episode An 8-Bit Princess and a Flat Tire Genius

George Sr.: Thanks, Herschel. That does my heart good.
Herschel Sparks: So I guess you got two geniuses in the family.
George Sr.: Guess I do.
Herschel Sparks: Who knows, maybe Missy'll make it three.
George Sr.: Or it's two.

Quote from the episode Carbon Dating and a Stuffed Raccoon

George Sr.: Want to hear something cool? Sheldon skipped out of that lecture with that little Paige girl, snuck into a closed exhibit.
Mary: You're kidding.
George Sr.: True. [LAUGHS] Even got, uh, "arrested" by the museum security cops.
Mary: Why would you think that's cool?
George Sr.: Sheldon got into trouble with a girl! I'm bursting with pride.
Mary: [SIGHS] You know what? I don't want to talk about it.
George Sr.: There, right there. That's why I love you.

Quote from the episode A Broken Heart and a Crock Monster

George Sr.: So, tough times, huh?
Pastor Jeff: Yeah.
George Sr.: Yeah. Hey, uh, does the Bible say anything about heartache and such?
Pastor Jeff: Psalm 147, verse three: "The Lord healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds."
George Sr.: Well, there you go-eth.

Quote from the episode Potato Salad, a Broomstick, and Dad's Whiskey

Mary: Starting next Monday, I'm gonna take a full-time job at the church.
Sheldon: Well, who's going to take care of us?
Mary: Well, nothing will change in the morning I'll make breakfast, take you both to school. Then, after school, you'll come home, do your homework, watch TV, play with your toys till I come home around 6:00.
Sheldon: Well, why can't Meemaw take care of us?
George Sr.: 'Cause she's not the person you think she is.
Mary: George!

Quote from the episode A Party Invitation, Football Grapes and an Earth Chicken

Mary: And then she said she didn't want the other kids to see Billy hanging out with Sheldon.
George Sr.: That boy's only other friend is a chicken and she's worried about Sheldon?
Mary: What do we do? Tell Missy she can't go?
George Sr.: If we're only gonna let Missy go places where they want to have Sheldon, then she ain't gonna get out much.

Quote from the episode Pongo Pygmaeus and a Culture that Encourages Spitting

George Sr.: Oh, yeah. Connie's great. You can have a beer with her, watch a football game, joke around. She doesn't mind if you swear. In fact, that woman's got a mouth on her.
Dale: I have noticed that.
George Sr.: Yeah. You know, I just realized something. I got more in common with my mother-in-law than I do my own wife.
Dale: That's kind of creepy.
George Sr.: Yeah. Let's hope the beer does its job and I don't remember this tomorrow.

Quote from the episode Contracts, Rules and a Little Bit of Pig Brains

Dale: So, George, how do I convince this one to come fishing with me next weekend?
Meemaw: I told you, nobody's gonna see this face after a night in a tent.
George Sr.: Mm. Smart. You don't want that mug scaring the fish.