Darlene: Ooh, this camper is so cool.
Mary: We borrowed it from my mom's boyfriend.
George: Yeah, you might not want to poke around too much. You find my mother-in-law's bra, I'm driving into a brick wall.

Mary: So he's really good to graduate?
Principal Petersen: He sure is. I got to tell ya, usually when kids leave school after two years, it's not for college. It's for prison or pregnancy.
George: Well, between Georgie and Missy, we may hit the trifecta.
Mary: George!
George: Well, I'm not rooting for it. It's just a thing that could happen.

Georgie: You know what else is nice?
George: Hmm?
Georgie: I get to learn from all your parenting mistakes.
George: I'm starting to think letting you live this long was one of 'em.
Georgie: Like that. I'd never say something so awful to my kid. [George scoffs] Thanks, big guy.

Georgie: A bill? Really?
George: Room and board, buddy.
Georgie: $50 a month for food?
George: The way you eat, I should've gone $50 a week.
Georgie: Laundry services?
George: Your poor mother has to touch your underwear.
Georgie: What's the $10 a month "peema" charge?
George: Oh, P-I-M-A, that's a "Pain in My Ass" tax. My way of getting compensated for you taking years off my life.

Georgie: I wonder who came up with blue raspberry. Raspberries ain't blue.
Jana: It should be blueberry.
Georgie: You'd think. But blueberries ain't blue either, they're purple. The whole blue food situation in this country needs some work.

Mary: So you've stayed at this hotel before?
George: Oh, yeah. It's nice. They got an indoor pool and a killer breakfast buffet. There's even a real nice gym we'll walk right past on the way to the breakfast buffet.

Georgie: Just out of curiosity, when exactly are you and Mom leaving, and when exactly are y'all coming back?
George: You're not bringing your girlfriend here.
Georgie: Excuse me for taking an interest in your life.
George: Besides, your grandma'll be here the whole time.
Georgie: Never mind. Wait. So her house'll be empty?
George: Look, I used to be your age, but can you try thinking with your brain for once?
Georgie: If you used to be my age, I think you know the answer to that.