Missy: That was pathetic.
Sheldon: It was. I'm not sure I'm cut out for these antics and shenanigans.
Missy: I guess you're gonna grow up to be a weirdo.
Sheldon: I suppose I am. Life is so confusing. I always hoped it would be easier for me when I grew up, but now I'm not so sure it will.
Missy: It's gonna be all right. [LOUD FLATULENCE SOUND] You were faking?
Sheldon: Bazinga.

Sheldon: I may not look it, but I'm the future of physics, so just move on.

Sheldon: Where are we going?
Missy: Right there.
Sheldon: An old shack in the middle of the woods? Have you even seen Scooby Doo?
Missy: Great, go home.
Sheldon: At night, by myself? Nice try.

Dr. Edward Pilson: Anything else?
Sheldon: What exactly are we doing here? I thought the purpose of this study was to find out how smart I am.
Dr. Edward Pilson: That's what we're doing, but there are different kinds of intelligence.
Sheldon: Poppycock! There's only one kind of intelligence.

George Jr.: Hey. I hope you're happy.
Sheldon: Thank you, Georgie. That's very kind.

Sheldon: Mom, savor this moment. Can you take me to church?
Mary: Uh, I'm a little busy. Can it wait?
Sheldon: No. I've come up with a plan to bolster RadioShack's market share, and I need to fax it to corporate.
Mary: I'll tell you what, I'll take it with me in the morning and do it then.
Sheldon: But our stock is in a slump, and CompUSA is nipping at our heels.
Mary: If you really want to be helpful, you could set the table.
Sheldon: Why should I help you with your job if you won't help me with mine?
Mary: Sheldon.
Sheldon: This is important. My plan is to turn RadioShack into a shopping destination, a megastore complete with restaurants and games and electronics. Kind of like Six Flags, except with less screaming and vomit.
Mary: I'm not taking you.
Sheldon: How can I be a business tycoon if my mommy won't drive me places?

Sheldon: If I don't go to college, what am I supposed to do? Spend all my days in high school? How sad is that?
Ms. Hutchins: Pretty sad.
Sheldon: You always did get me.
Ms. Hutchins: Sounds like you're feeling misunderstood.
Sheldon: I am... by Dr. Sturgis, my mother, and possibly the entire Vietnamese culture.
Ms. Hutchins: Do you understand that I'm in a little bit of pain right now?
Sheldon: Oh, I'm sorry. I should be exhibiting compassion. Aw. Wait, I can do better. Aw.
Ms. Hutchins: Nailed it.

Sheldon: "And finally, both parties agree the loser will do the activity selected by the winner graciously, without complaint. For the purpose of this agreement, a complaint is defined as any disparaging comment, eye rolls or name calling, including but not limited to: 'dingus, ' 'fartbreath' and 'buttwipe.'"

Sheldon: I was shocked to learn that the Happy Hearth Home Bakeries had been bought out by the Domestic Food Corporation, and they started making their bread faster and cheaper.
Anchor: And you don't like that, do you?
Sheldon: No.
Anchor: And you're collecting signatures to make them stop.
Sheldon: I am. Corporations shouldn't be allowed to make these decisions on their own.
Anchor: Well, who should?
Sheldon: The people who eat the bread. This wouldn't happen if there were centralized control over all these big corporations.
Anchor: Are you suggesting a communist form of government in Texas?
Sheldon: I suppose I am.
Meemaw: Hang on a sec-
Anchor: There you have it. Local boy Sheldon Cooper says communism is what Texas needs.
George Sr.: Oh, dear God.

Mr. Lundy: All right, Mr. Cooper. The stage is yours.
Sheldon: Thank you. I'd like to begin with a monologue from King Lear. [looking at Mr. Lundy]
Mr. Lundy: What?
Sheldon: I believe you're supposed to say "break a leg."
Mr. Lundy: Sorry. Break a leg.

Dr. Linkletter: So, the problem that I'm running into is I can't get the inner sphere to remain suspended in the buffer liquid.
Sheldon: Have you tried wrapping the sphere in copper wire?
Dr. Linkletter: I did, but it just slips out.
Sheldon: Perhaps we could suspend it in some sort of sleeve.
Dr. Linkletter: That would prevent light from getting through.
Sheldon: Hmm. [strokes chin] I wonder if my thinking would be more effective if I had a beard to stroke. It's one of the few aspects of puberty I'm looking forward to.

Sheldon: Wow. You're famous.
Mr. Lundy: Well, I And I was Carbucketty in the Dallas-Fort Worth Players production of Cats. [PURRS] [LAUGHS] Did you see that?
Sheldon: No, I'm afraid of cats.
Mr. Lundy: Well, you realize the cats are just the actors.
Sheldon: I still wouldn't risk it.
Mr. Lundy: You're an odd boy, but you make it work.

Sheldon: I was sent to see Principal Petersen.
Diane: What is it this time?
Sheldon: Youthful rebellion. My voice hasn't changed yet, but my attitude has.
Diane: I'll let him know you're here.
Sheldon: You do that. Ma'am.

George Sr.: Sheldon, listen, I know losing ain't easy. I deal with it on the football field all the time. It's like that big game we had last year against Nacogdoches. We were down 28 points at the half. It was raining, it was muddy. Everybody in the stands had gone home. But somehow, we managed to claw our way back to a tie with a minute left. And then, they threw a Hail Mary, and the receiver stepped out of bounds, but the ref didn't see it. After all that, we lose on a bad call. Believe me, I was furious. But I sucked it up, and I walked across that field and I shook their hands.
Sheldon: I didn't hear a word you said.
George Sr.: Okay.

Adult Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis was right. There was nothing I could do to fix this, or so I thought.
Sheldon: Can I offer you a hot beverage?
Paige: That would be nice.
Sheldon: Be right back.
Adult Sheldon: The "Hot Beverage of Comfort" would become my go-to method of dealing with someone in emotional distress. And it always worked. Except when my wife was in labor, where it was suggested I throw it in my own face.

Dr. John Sturgis: Here we go.
Adult Sheldon: For many kids, Christmas morning was the most exciting day of the year. That's only because most kids don't know the joy of getting their college midterms back. It also didn't hurt that Dr. Sturgis looked like an elf.
Dr. John Sturgis: Nice work, Sheldon. Now, you'll notice that your grades are lower than expected. That's because Sheldon did so well, he broke the curve, turning your A's and B's into B's and C's.
Sheldon: They don't seem happy about it. Maybe you can give them candy.

Mary: Sheldon, I understand why you're upset, but you still owe him an apology.
Sheldon: Then you don't understand.
Mary: Well, for now, it sounds like you two could use a little quiet time.
Sheldon: Fine. I'll switch over to Dr. Linkletter's class. He's a foot taller than Sturgis and can reach more of the chalkboard.

Missy: Fish are kind of boring.
Sheldon: I know, isn't it great?

Pastor Jeff: For so many months, our little parish has been struggling financially. But by the grace of God and his provision, we have received the most donations in church history! Praise Jesus! Praise Jesus!
Sheldon: So it's all Jesus, we don't get any credit?
Missy: We need to start our own church.
Sheldon: They don't pay taxes. It's a very sound business model.

Sheldon: Hello.
Ms. Fenley: Hi, Sheldon.
Sheldon: I'd like to learn to play the violin.
Ms. Fenley: Really? Well, that's terrific. Do you have any experience with stringed instruments?
Sheldon: Stringed instruments, no. String theory, yes. That was a joke. I'm a joker.