Dr. Barrett: Do you want to kick this off and tell us exactly what carbon dating is?
Paige: The 5,730-year half-life of carbon 14 is used as a geochronometer.
Dr. Barrett: Anything else you'd like to add?
Sheldon: Um... carbon dating is how we figured out how old my grandmother is.
Adult Sheldon: It was at this moment I learned I was not only brilliant; I was also hilarious. [laughs]

Sheldon: Ooh, this is interesting. According to Socrates, all knowledge exists within the student and just needs to be drawn out through skillful questioning.
Tam: Are you saying I knew that before you even said it?
Sheldon: I don't know, did you?
Tam: Well, according to Socrates, you do know and the answer's inside you.
Sheldon: Well, then, ask me a skillful question to draw it out.
Tam: Do you know if I knew before I knew?
Sheldon: No.
Tam: Hey, it works.
Sheldon: It does.

Professor Boucher: For your design assignment, you may decide between suspension bridges, truss bridges, beam bridges, just not Beau Bridges. [silence] And people say engineers don't have a sense of humor. [Sheldon raises his hand] Yes?
Sheldon: What are Beau Bridges?
Professor Boucher: That's all for today.

Mary: Let's say grace.
Sheldon: Hang on, safety first. [puts mittens on]
Georgie: When are you gonna get over that?
Sheldon: I would think recent events would make you value protection.
Mary: Enough.

Tam: So we came to Medford and opened up a convenience store. My parents work 16 hours a day, seven days a week for very little money. [silence]
Sheldon: Well, that was depressing.

Tam: All right, go ask her.
Sheldon: Why me?
Tam: Your lack of testosterone makes you adorable to women.
Sheldon: I can't argue with that.

Sheldon: When does the truck bring the papers?
Georgie: When it does.
Sheldon: That's a tautology.
Georgie: What?
Sheldon: A tautology. A statement that's true, but uninformative. Hey, you're supposed to be the one teaching me. That's funny.

George: Does he really have to walk around with that?
Mary: He's fine. Leave him be.
Missy: You're just begging to get beat up.
Sheldon: I'm more concerned about the biggest bully of all: the Sun.

Sheldon: Go Wolves.
Lisa May: What?
Sheldon: You're a cheerleader, and by saying "Go Wolves," I'm initiating a conversation about something that interests you.
Lisa May: Oh, are you one of those special ed kids?
Sheldon: My mom says I'm special. Would you like to be friends?
Lisa May: I don't think so.
Sheldon: Are you sure? What if I told you I admired your boldly-applied makeup?

Adult Sheldon: They say, in the final moments, your life passes before your eyes. All I saw was my brother licking jelly off the knife and putting it back in the jar. [Sheldon coughs up the sausage]
Mary: Okay, it's better now. Sheldon, honey, are you okay? Can you breathe? Say something!
Sheldon: You have to throw away that jelly.

Mrs. Costello: Are you interested in applying to a safety school in case you don't get in?
Sheldon: Safety school. You're funny.

Sheldon: Hmm. Gallus gallus domesticus, otherwise known as "Earth chicken." Live long and prosper you filthy bird.

Rabbi Schneiderman: Can I ask how your parents feel about this?
Sheldon: Well, when I presented them with my plan, the words "over my dead body" were used.
Rabbi Schneiderman: [chuckles] I'm not surprised.
Sheldon: But they were similarly resistant when I wanted to get an ant farm and eventually they came around.
Rabbi Schneiderman: All right, here's what I'm gonna tell you to do. Read your Bible.
Sheldon: Already did, cover to cover.
Rabbi Schneiderman: Really?
Sheldon: Quiz me.
Rabbi Schneiderman: No, that's okay, I believe you. All right, my advice to you is to stay with the faith of your parents.
Sheldon: What else you got?
Rabbi Schneiderman: Okay. Then I'm gonna tell you to be your own man.
Sheldon: But I want to be a great scientist like Albert Einstein.
Rabbi Schneiderman: Sheldon, when your days are over, God will never ask you, "Why weren't you Einstein?" But he might ask you, "Why weren't you Sheldon?"

George: Did you ever wonder why we moved from Galveston to Medford?
Sheldon: I tend to worry about the bigger questions.
George: Okay. Well, here's why. Your Dad had a real good coaching job and I saw some grown-ups breaking rules.
Sheldon: What'd they do?
George: I-It's kind of complicated, but football coaches aren't allowed to recruit kids from other high schools to play on their teams.
Sheldon: And you told on them?
George: Yeah. You know what happened?
Sheldon: Justice descended on the rule breakers?

Sheldon: Attention, students and faculty. This is Sheldon Lee Cooper. We're taught that hard work pays off, but that's not true. I came up with a solution to save Earth from killer asteroids, and lost the science fair to SueAnn Ludlow, and her frizzy hair machine. But it wasn't just me who lost, we all lost. Wake up, people. The system's broken. Real innovation isn't valued. Nowadays, it's all about flash and style.
I blame MTV. Luckily, my parents can't afford cable. I urge you all to rise up. They can't send everyone to the principal's office. Chew gum in class, use a number one pencil, go nuts. This is Sheldon Lee Cooper signing off. Live long and prosper.