George: Hey, I'm glad you brought up statistically. You think those numbers you talked about for Texas A&M would apply to my JV squad?
Sheldon: I don't see why not. Unlike our former principal, math doesn't discriminate.

George: I got something for you.
Sheldon: It's dirty.
George: Well, that's 'cause it's the game ball. And you earned it, 'cause you helped us win.
Sheldon: Okay, but can you wash it?
Mary: Sheldon, your daddy's telling you he's proud of you.
Sheldon: I see. Thank you, Dad.
George: You're welcome.
Sheldon: I'm still never touching that.
Mary: Let's go wipe it off.

Meemaw: Hey! There's my little Moonpie. Did you get a chance to look at this week's games for me?
Sheldon: Not yet.
Meemaw: You understand there's a little time crunch involved? Meemaw's got some outstanding loans I need to pay back.
Sheldon: I'm sorry, I have to finish my homework and then I have to help my dad.
Meemaw: Come on. I'm your meemaw. I make you cookies. How 'bout a little quid pro quo?
Sheldon: As much as I enjoy your use of Latin, no.

Dr. Hodges: Now, of course, before we can set out to explore the solar system, we've got a few minor problems to overcome. Not the least of which is, every time we launch, it costs the U.S. taxpayers hundreds of millions of dollars. [Sheldon raises his hand]
Mr. Givens: Oh, no, no, no, no.
Dr. Hodges: Yes?
Sheldon: If you want to save money, why don't you land the booster rockets instead of letting them drop in the ocean?
Dr. Hodges: [LAUGHS] That's a cute idea, but, uh, it's not technically possible.
Sheldon: Why not?
Dr. Hodges: Well, it's hard to explain. The math is pretty complicated.
Sheldon: Perhaps I could help you with it.

Tam: Hey, how come you weren't in math class?
Sheldon: That guy from NASA treated me like a child, and I need to prove him wrong.
Tam: You are a child.
Sheldon: Tread lightly, my friend.

Sheldon: I know Meemaw's brisket recipe.
George: What?
Meemaw: No, you don't.
Sheldon: Yes, I do. And in order to bring peace to this family, I'm prepared to make it public.
Meemaw: You're bluffing.
Sheldon: One tablespoon of cumin, one cup of brown sugar, two tablespoons of smoked paprika-
Meemaw: Okay, okay, stop.

George: Can I tell you a secret? I never understood how lightning works.
Sheldon: Didn't they teach you that in high school?
George: They probably did, but I got hit in the head a lot playing football. Would you explain it to me?
Sheldon: Well, when positive and negative charges grow large enough, a giant spark occurs in the cloud.
George: Ah, that-that's pretty cool. What causes the thunder?
Sheldon: It's a shock wave from particles heated to 10,000 degrees.
George: Interesting.
Sheldon: You want to know what's really interesting? Aristotle thought that the sound of thunder was due to a collision between two clouds. He believed the clouds were expelling air, in the way a log on a fire crackles-

George: So, today we found out about a school in Dallas for really smart kids.
Sheldon: When can I start?
Mary: Hold on. Dallas is far away, so you'd have to live with another family.
Sheldon: Do they have a dog?
Mary: Uh, we don't know.
Sheldon: Well, can you make some calls?
Mary: I guess, but wouldn't you miss your mom and dad?
Sheldon: Oh. Yes, I suppose I will. So, when are you calling about the dog?

Flora: Sheldon, I've been looking over your transcripts and I must say, I am very impressed.
Sheldon: Thank you. What's your doctorate in?
Flora: Noncommutative Algebraic Topology.
Sheldon: I like her.

Flora: I must tell you, in all the years I've been here, I have never seen such glowing letters of recommendation from a student's teachers.
George: Well, that's real nice to hear.
Flora: Now, listen to this: "Putting aside his superior intellect, Sheldon is a delight to have in the class. He's fun-loving, easy to get along with, and always ready to help another student."
Sheldon: That doesn't sound like me at all.
Mary: Sure it does, sweetie.

Flora: All right. Dig in.
Sheldon: Excuse me. Aren't we going to say grace?
Flora: Uh, we don't do that in our house.
Sheldon: Oh.
Flora: But you're welcome to do so.
Sheldon: That's all right. I don't believe in God.
Elliot: Well, then why would you say grace?
Sheldon: Because it makes my mom happy.
Flora: And why are you wearing mittens?
Sheldon: Well, I don't know where your hands have been.
Flora: Okay. Maybe we should just eat.

Sheldon: What about Jesus? He was Jewish.
Ira Rosenbloom: Oh, we've got a lot of celebrities. Uh, we've got, uh, we got William Shatner, and Leonard Nimoy.
Sheldon: Kirk and Spock? I want to be Jewish.

Georgie: Hey. I hope you're happy.
Sheldon: Thank you, Georgie. That's very kind.

Sheldon: I have detention tomorrow, and I thought you could give me some tips.
Georgie: That was pretty badass, you walking out of class like that.
Sheldon: It was not my intention to be bad "A" word, but thank you.

Sheldon: Hello. I'm here for detention. Where is the teacher?
Ned: Not here yet.
Sheldon: Oh. I have three dollars. Feel free to share it with the others.