Missy: You look nice. Oh, no, are we going to church?
Mary: No, your father and I have a date night.
Missy: Why? Don't you have enough kids?
Mary: That is not what date night means.

Missy: What's with the maps?
Sheldon: I'm going with Dr. Sturgis and Dr. Linkletter to a radio telescope in the Davis Mountains.
Missy: [sighs] Of course you are.
George Sr.: Problem?
Missy: Nope. He gets to do whatever he wants, and I'm not even allowed to go the beach with my friends.
George Sr.: It's just a school trip.
Missy: It's fine.

George Sr.: Okay. Foot on the brake.
Missy: Which one's that?
George Sr.: Oh, boy. The one on the left.
Missy: Got it.
George Sr.: All right. Now pull the shifter toward you and then down to "D," like this. Here. [gear shifts] All right? Now, the most important step. Do not ever tell your mother we did this.
Missy: I'm not an idiot. Let's go.
George Sr.: [sighs] All right. Now take your foot off the brake and gently put it on the... [tires screech]
Missy: [laughs] I'm driving!

Missy: Why don't you trust me?
Mary: Because you can't even remember to take out the trash.
Missy: I remember. I just don't do it. And for your information, Pastor Jeff hired me to babysit this Friday.
Mary: He did?
Missy: He did.
Mary: Okay. But if you need any help, if you run into any problems whatsoever, I am right next door and I want you to call me.
Missy: I'll be fine.
Mary: Missy...
Missy: Okay! Look, I'm taking out the trash.
Mary: I just put that bag in.
Missy: There's no pleasing you.

Mary: Thanks, Brenda, I really appreciate it. Oh, nothing major, just, um, some family stuff that we need to talk about and it'd be better if the kids weren't here. Great, I'll send 'em over at 6:00?
Okay. [hangs up]
Missy: Where are we going?
Mary: [gasps] Don't be sneaking up on me.
Missy: I wasn't sneaking. Where are we going?
Mary: Brenda invited you and your brother over to dinner with Billy tonight.
Missy: Why?
Mary: Because they're nice people!
Missy: Wow. Take a pill. [Mary groans]

Missy: I have new information.
Sheldon: What is it?
Missy: I heard them talking about a baby.
Sheldon: Oh, my.
Missy: You know what that means.
Sheldon: Mom's pregnant.
Missy: Exactly.

Missy: Hey.
George Sr.: Where were you?
Missy: Talking to Georgie.
Mary: He okay?
Missy: We laughed, we cried. It was nice.

Danny: I'll say it to your face. Your brother's going to hell.
Missy: No, he's not.
Sheldon: Primarily because hell isn't real.
Danny: My mom said they should kick your whole family out of the church.
Missy: How about I kick your ass.
Danny: I'd like to see you try.
Billy Sparks: How about I help her?
Sheldon: How about I go get Pastor Rob?
Missy: Say one more thing about my family and see what happens.
Danny: Y'all are white trash.
Pastor Rob: [enters] Whoa, what's going on here?
[Missy slugs Danny]

Mary: Why aren't you in school?
Missy: You told me not to punch anyone else, so I left.
Mary: Well... go to your room.

Sheldon: How does the future not concern you?
Missy: I guess there's stuff I'm looking forward to.
Sheldon: Like what?
Missy: Going on dates?
Sheldon: Boring.
Missy: Driving.
Sheldon: Scary.
Missy: Getting married. Hopefully to Vanilla Ice.
Sheldon: You want to marry a snow cone?

Sheldon: I'm trying to sleep.
Paige: Come inside and play with us.
Missy: Don't invite him. This is a girls fort, not an old man fort.
Sheldon: I'm not an old man.
Paige: Then come inside.
Sheldon: Are you crazy? It's bedtime.
Missy: Old man.

Sheldon: I must admit, after the breakup, I was worried, but now that Dr. Sturgis and Dad are friends, we'll be seeing even more of him.
Missy: How do we see less of him?
Mary: That is not nice.
Missy: Sorry, but I'm on Meemaw's side. She got me a two-piece bathing suit.

George Sr.: Missy, give us a minute.
Missy: No, I want to hear.
Dale: Look, sweetheart, I just think it's great you want to be on the team, but these boys are gonna eat you alive.
Missy: I'm not afraid of them.
Dale: Well, maybe you should be.

Mary: I just want to remind you both to please be sensitive about the situation with Paige's family.
Missy: She's talking to you, dingus.
Mary: Both of you.

Adult Sheldon: In the face of a chaotic world, we all seek comfort in different ways. Some turn to a higher power.
Mary: Lord, please protect my family, keep them in your hands. All my cares, all my worries, all my fears for them...
Adult Sheldon: Some take refuge in fictitious worlds.
Spock: [on TV] My congratulations, Captain. A dazzling display of logic.
Captain Kirk: [on TV] You didn't think I had it in me, did you, Spock?
Spock: [on TV] No, sir.
["Learning to Fly" by Tom Petty playing]
Sheldon: So great.
Adult Sheldon: And one person I know relied on lighter fluid and a match.
Missy: That's right, burn.
Mary: What are you doing?!
Missy: Moving on.
Mary: From what?

Missy: What if Georgie moves into the garage?
George Jr.: Why?
Missy: You'd still be around, so Mom's happy, but you'd be out of the house, so Dad's happy.
George Jr.: That could work. What do you say?
George Sr.: Done.
George Jr.: Done.

Mary: Let's talk about something else. Georgie, how was your day?
George Jr.: My brother told the entire school we can't afford cable.
Mary: Oh, right. Missy?
Missy: Good, until I learned we can't afford cable.

Mary: I'll be back.
Missy: Where you going?
Mary: To give the owner of that comic book store a piece of my mind!
Missy: Cool.
Mary: And then I'm calling Heather's mom!
Missy: Aw.

Missy: I want to be just like you when I grow up.
Mary: No, you don't.
George Sr.: Pick again.

Missy: What are you doing?
Sheldon: What does it look like?
Missy: Like you're looking for another excuse for kids to pick on you.