Mary: Sheldon! Come back in here!
Sheldon: I guess we'll find out what happened.
Missy: I already know what happened. Mom won.

Sheldon: They're still discussing.
Missy: Mom didn't win?
Sheldon: It's touch and go.
Missy: Crazy.

Missy: Oh, yeah. You're screwed.
Sheldon: Which is why I need your help.
Missy: Why me?
Sheldon: You're ruthless. I've seen you cheat at Candy Land.
Missy: Thanks. Go on.

Sheldon: Well, I'd like to retaliate, but I don't know anything about her.
Missy: Make something up. Ooh, tell people she has head lice.
Sheldon: I won't resort to lying.

Missy: Hey, I spoke to Nell's sister. Found out some interesting stuff.
Sheldon: Thanks, but I've decided I don't want to stoop to her level. If I can't win on the quality of my ideas, then I'd rather lose with my head held high.
Missy: That's really stupid, but in case you change your mind.

Sheldon: Why is she staying with us?
Mary: Because she needs to be out of her house for a few days.
Sheldon: Why?
Mary: Because her family is dealing with some personal business.
Sheldon: What personal business?
Missy: Well I heard her mama's boyfriend is a drunk.
George Sr.: Where did you hear that?
Missy: Mom told you outside and I heard it.

Missy: You're so tall and pretty, you should be Vanna White.
George Jr.: How can she be Vanna White? Vanna White is Vanna White.
Missy: Fine. She can be Vanna Blue.

Veronica: Sorry, I know this isn't the most fun thing in the world.
Missy: I was happy just riding in the front seat of your car.

Missy: Maybe, if we make a wish at the same time we could switch places.
Veronica: You think?
Missy: It's worth a try.
Veronica: Okay. What do we need to do?
Missy: We close our eyes and at the exact same time say, "I wish I could switch places."
Veronica: Ready? One, two, three.
Both: I wish I could switch places. Well?
Missy: I'm still here. You?
Veronica: Same.
Missy: That's too bad. I really wanted to drive home. Can I anyway?
Veronica: Sure.
Missy: Really?
Veronica: No.

Mary: I hope you don't mind, I invited Pastor Jeff for dinner.
Missy: That's fine.
Mary: I was talking to your father.

Sheldon: I didn't realize we were expected to take sides.
Mary: No one needs to take sides.
Missy: When Heather M. 's parents got divorced, she said it was like picking sides, but you get twice the presents.
Mary: This isn't a divorce.
Sheldon: And I'm sure Meemaw and Dr. Sturgis will still be friends.
Missy: Heather M.'s parents aren't friends. But now she's got Barbie's DreamHouse and the pink Corvette. You heard me.

Missy: But if you did get a divorce, how many American Girl dolls could I get?
Mary: Your father and I aren't getting a divorce.
Missy: But more than one, right?

Mary: I'm sorry those girls were so mean.
Missy: They didn't just call me a boy. They wouldn't sit with me at lunch. No one talked to me at recess.
Mary: Aw, baby.
Missy: Somebody crossed out "Missy Cooper" in my notebook and wrote "Mister Cooper."
Mary: Well, if that's what they're like, maybe you don't want them as friends.
Missy: I don't think I want to play baseball anymore.
Mary: If that's what you want, it's your decision.

Mary: I was gonna give this to you at the end of the season party, but I was so excited that I wanted you to see it now. Mm.
Missy: What the hell is that?
Mary: I couldn't find any girl baseball trophies, so I made you one.
Missy: Why is her head so big?
Mary: It's a Barbie head. I had to improvise.
Missy: You chopped the head off one of my Barbies?
Mary: Don't be silly. I bought a new one.
Missy: I could've had a new Barbie?

Sheldon: I need Mom to sing "Soft Kitty".
Missy: Don't do it.
Sheldon: Why?
Missy: You're being a baby again.
Sheldon: But I'm injured.
Missy: Big deal. You broke your arm. Look at Stephen Hawking over there. He's in a wheelchair. You don't hear him whining about it with his robot voice.
Sheldon: So you're saying he and I are brilliant minds who have both suffered great physical adversity.
Missy: That's not even close to what I'm saying.

Dale: So what's Sheldon like?
Missy: A pain in the ass.
Meemaw: No, he means, what does Sheldon like on his pizza?
Missy: Oh. [shouts] Sheldon! What do you want on your pizza!?
Meemaw: Still glad you came?
Dale: Actually, I am.
Sheldon: [enters] I don't want any pizza.
Missy: See? Pain in the ass.

Mary: I figure you don't want me to walk you in?
Missy: I've trained you well.
Mary: Do you have everything you need? Lunch money?
Missy: Yep.
Mary: Locker combination?
Missy: [pulls down sock] Right here.
Mary: Why is it there?
Missy: Writing on my hand is so fifth grade.
Mary: Of course.
Missy: Okay, I'm gonna go in.
Mary: I assume you don't want a hug?
Missy: Make it quick. [they hug] That's enough.
Mary: Okay.
Missy: Wish me luck.
Mary: Good luck.

Missy: Whatcha looking at?
Mary: Uh, just Pastor Jeff and Mrs. Sparks.
Missy: They were out there the other day, too.
Mary: Oh.
Missy: How come you don't go with them?
Mary: They didn't invite me.
Missy: Ouch. Rough start to your day.

Missy: Can I ask a relationship question?
Jana: Of course.
Missy: Who said "I love you" first?
Jana: Funny you should ask.

Missy: You look nice. Oh, no, are we going to church?
Mary: No, your father and I have a date night.
Missy: Why? Don't you have enough kids?
Mary: That is not what date night means.