George: Why don't we just come clean?
Meemaw: All right, sure, we could do that. You could rat me out to Mary and I could tell her what you did at the church picnic.
George: Come on. Now you're just playing dirty.
Meemaw: We sink or swim together, George. We sink or swim together.
George: Grandmas are supposed to be nice. What went wrong with you?

Mary: So he's really good to graduate?
Principal Petersen: He sure is. I got to tell ya, usually when kids leave school after two years, it's not for college. It's for prison or pregnancy.
George: Well, between Georgie and Missy, we may hit the trifecta.
Mary: George!
George: Well, I'm not rooting for it. It's just a thing that could happen.

Georgie: You know what else is nice?
George: Hmm?
Georgie: I get to learn from all your parenting mistakes.
George: I'm starting to think letting you live this long was one of 'em.
Georgie: Like that. I'd never say something so awful to my kid. [George scoffs] Thanks, big guy.

Georgie: A bill? Really?
George: Room and board, buddy.
Georgie: $50 a month for food?
George: The way you eat, I should've gone $50 a week.
Georgie: Laundry services?
George: Your poor mother has to touch your underwear.
Georgie: What's the $10 a month "peema" charge?
George: Oh, P-I-M-A, that's a "Pain in My Ass" tax. My way of getting compensated for you taking years off my life.

Adult Sheldon: Visiting Tam's house for the first time was an emotional roller coaster. For example, it's traditional in Vietnamese homes to have gruesome religious iconography near the entrance. I did not like that. However, it's also customary to not wear shoes around the house for sanitary reasons. I did like that. Interestingly, one of the main ingredients in Vietnamese cooking is an extremely pungent condiment known as fish sauce. I did not like that. But before every meal, it's common for everyone to wash their hands and face. I did like that. Forks are not customary in a Vietnamese household. I did not like that. And instead of napkins, there was one towel for everyone to share at the table. Seriously, what are they thinking?

Georgie: Mornin'.
Mary: Mornin'.
Georgie: I slept in the nude last night. Felt every little breeze.
[Sheldon slides his food away]
Mary: Thank you for sharing that.
Georgie: You're welcome.

George: Sheldon, all you got to do is be cool.
Adult Sheldon: "Be cool." He might as well have asked me to fly around the backyard.