Adult Sheldon: The following day, I returned to school. I had no choice but to fulfill my swimming requirement. Much like Batman, I suited up and faced my fears. Unlike Batman, I did it with a doggy-paddle across the shallow end of the pool. Uh, regarding pool sanitation, it turned out I was right. It was teeming with germs. Only I was the one who put them there. As it happens, my interaction with Billy Sparks did get me sick. I, in turn, created a small epidemic taking down 128 students, four teachers and one principal. It didn't stop there. I also infected my mother, father, sister, brother, Meemaw and Meemaw's friend Dale. The newly established boundaries of friendship helped keep Dr. Sturgis healthy. However, in an unrelated incident, he crashed his bike into some garbage cans. Luckily, he landed on his recently acquired athletic cup.
Dr. John Sturgis: That was a wise purchase.

Adult Sheldon: Fortunately, having a modem granted me access to an even better kind of friend: the kind you don't have to see or talk to.

Adult Sheldon: [v.o.] Even as a child, I was always doing things to make other people happy.
[future:]
Amy Farrah Fowler: Doing things to make other people happy? You've got to be kidding me.
Adult Sheldon: [stammers] Don't read over my shoulder.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Well, are you writing your memoir or a fantasy novel?
Adult Sheldon: For your information, the word "memoir" comes from "memory," and these memories are mine.

Adult Sheldon: "You'll not see nothin'." Shame on whoever wrote that.

[future:]
Adult Sheldon: I gazed lovingly at her. I thought about how much she had been through and how much this would mean to her and then I said... "Not a chance, lady." Pulitzer.
Amy Farrah Fowler: I thought you were taking a shower.
Adult Sheldon: I thought I was, too, but the muse had other plans. What are you wearing?
Amy Farrah Fowler: It's a hockey jersey. Here, I got you one.
Adult Sheldon: I'm not wearing this silly thing.
Amy Farrah Fowler: When I first met you, you bought all of your shirts from a comic book store.
Adult Sheldon: And I'd still be wearing them if they hadn't mysteriously disappeared.

Adult Sheldon: Jean-Paul Sartre said, "Hell is other people." That's humorous because it's true.

Adult Sheldon: When you're three foot ten and in high school, getting from point "A" to point "B" can be a harrowing experience. But it's worth it when point "B" is the library. Home to the original information superhighway, the Dewey Decimal System.

Adult Sheldon: Meemaw liked to teach me things that kept me awake at night.

Adult Sheldon: In fairness to Mr. Dean, this one morning, I decided to forgo my normal 20 chews per bite, as prescribed by the American Medical Association.

Adult Sheldon: For the spice rub, Meemaw had him drive to New Orleans to buy ground coffee from Cafe Du Monde, and seven ounces of something called "holy ghost root" from a voodoo woman named Madam Laveau.

Adult Sheldon: Don't let the hug fool you. The minute she went home, he made me give him the recipe.

Adult Sheldon: My plan was coming together. I just needed to get on the shuttle so I could finally escape this ridiculous planet. Spoiler alert, I'm still here.

Tam: So you leave tomorrow?
Sheldon: Yes.
Tam: Dallas.
Sheldon: Yes.
Tam: Cool.
Adult Sheldon: It was touching to watch Tam bravely fight back tears.
Tam: Have you ever thought about making the trains go clockwise?
Sheldon: No.
Tam: You should.
Adult Sheldon: Brave, brave Tam.

Adult Sheldon: Sleep didn't come easy that night, knowing that, at any moment, I could be decapitated.
And as if that wasn't bad enough, the bed in my room had a dust ruffle, which, to my young mind, only meant one thing: there was dust.

Adult Sheldon: I've been called a germophobe, but I do find a single sneeze acceptable. It could be caused by dust, allergies. Really, whatever nasal irritant floats your boat. However during flu season a second sneeze means a plague is upon the land, and it's every man for himself.