Adult Sheldon: A few times a year, there was a dedicated day where my school was closed.
This allowed the teachers to catch up on their administrative duties. While I was normally against a break from learning, I did applaud the Medford faculty's commitment to our education.

Adult Sheldon: Teachers have always been impressed by me. And my new college professor was no exception. You'd think it was my once-in-a-generation intellect. But it was more than that. There was my wicked sense of humor.
Dr. Linkletter: ...explained by maximizing entropy. Yes, Sheldon?
Sheldon: Entropy. It isn't what it used to be.
Adult Sheldon: Plus, when things got heavy, I was always ready with a fun fact to lighten the mood.
Sheldon: Fun fact: Did you know that the ancient incas stored bureaucratic records on knotted strings called "quipu"? Q-U-I-P-U. Quipu.
Adult Sheldon: Whatever the reason, I was clearly his favorite student.
Dr. Linkletter: Connie, what a treat it is to see you.
Adult Sheldon: Look at him smile. He couldn't get enough of me.

Adult Sheldon: You never know where scientific inspiration will strike. For Newton, it was under an apple tree. For Archimedes, it was sitting in a bathtub. For me, on this particular day, it had a "sweaty people eating meat" kind of vibe.

Adult Sheldon: Eventually, my mother relented and returned our things with a few minor adjustments.
Missy: What's The Moosewood Gang?
Mary: They solve mysteries while they learn about God.
Missy: Great.
Adult Sheldon: Georgie got his music back.
Georgie: [as Jesus Christ Superstar plays] What the hell is this?
Adult Sheldon: And as for college, my mother and father discussed it and decided that ten was too young. So I didn't start till the ripe old age of 11. In the meantime I had the key to one sweet bathroom.

George: What you doing?
Sheldon: Paige is feeling sad, so I'm making her a hot beverage.
George: Oh. You're a good kid. I'm proud of you.
Sheldon: Thank you.
Adult Sheldon: Of all my accomplishments, I don't know why he singled this moment out, but I'm glad he did.

Adult Sheldon: The Clean Air Act required all new cars to be equipped with catalytic converters to combat air pollution. The first state to do this was California, which led Texans to say things like-
Peg: I hate California.
Adult Sheldon: And...
Peg: When will that place fall in the ocean? [hacks]
Adult Sheldon: While not everyone was happy about it, six years later, one particular Texan saw an opportunity to get rich quick.
Georgie: Oh, man, I'm gonna get rich quick.

Adult Sheldon: In case you're worried, Mabel and I did finally make it to Oregon, where I remarried and lived to the ripe old age of 41.

Adult Sheldon: Growing up, I had an aversion to any type of group. For example, rock groups. I'll restrict my drug use to Rolaids, thank you. Group costumes. I'll tell you who really didn't have a heart: my mother, for making me wear a funnel on my head. But of all the groups I didn't like, by far the worst was...
Dr. John Sturgis: Group projects. [class groans] Yeah. You heard me.

Adult Sheldon: It was turning out to be the perfect Saturday. The ice cream man had extra napkins. I had tons of homework. And I was about to enjoy an orange sherbet Push-Up, which was the only kind of Push-Up I could actually finish. Then it all came crashing down.

Missy: You're having a tooth pulled, not having a baby.
Sheldon: If it can work for getting an eight-pound human through a birth canal, it can work for a tiny tooth.
Missy: Eight pounds? I'm never having kids.
Adult Sheldon: Fun fact: she ended up having four.
Missy: And if I do, I'm taking any drugs they'll give me.
Adult Sheldon: That part was true.

Adult Sheldon: If I was going to recapture my insight into a unified field theory, I needed to find a way to put myself back into an altered state of consciousness. Native Americans would sit in sweat lodges for hours to achieve this. I lasted a minute and a half. Self-hypnosis is another means of bringing stillness to the mind. [Sheldon screams] When it isn't giving you a heart attack! The whirling dervishes of Central Asia employ a repetitive spinning technique to achieve a trancelike state.
Sheldon: [retches, falls down]

Adult Sheldon: In every young man's life, there are milestones along the road to independence. Squashing one's very first bug.
Sheldon: Aah!
Adult Sheldon: Tending to one's own boo-boo.
Sheldon: Not today, germs. Not today.
Adult Sheldon: And preparing a favorite meal without one's mommy.

Adult Sheldon: I was angry at my mother and needed more information. While she told me to go to my room, she didn't say stay there. Boy howdy, I do love a loophole.

Adult Sheldon: The next day, the local news showed up to interview me and my family, which may sound impressive, but this is the same local news that covered a potato chip shaped like Texas.

Sheldon: My first bathroom attempt. Let's hope this goes well.
Mary: Let me know if you need help.
Sheldon: I think I'll be okay. It's just number one.
Mary: I'm here if you need me.
[After Sheldon closes the bathroom door:]
Sheldon: [o.s.] Mom, I can't get my zipper down!
Mary: I'm coming.
Adult Sheldon: I am not saying my mother and I had a codependent relationship.
Sheldon: [o.s.] Mom, I can't get my zipper up!
Mary: I'm on my way!
Adult Sheldon: But she did have a tendency to baby me, and boy howdy, was I okay with that.