Adult Sheldon: The perilous journey from the bus stop to my front door was 97.5 meters. FYI, insisting on using the metric system in East Texas is another reason I was hunted by predators.

Adult Sheldon: When people wonder why Radio Shack eventually went out of business, you can point to this moment.

Adult Sheldon: The good news was most of our neighborhood was spared. The bad news: my mother thought she had something to do with it.

Mary: Okay, look. You're right. I don't have many friends, so I was hoping to get to know Paige's mom. But if it makes you uncomfortable, then I will call her and cancel.
Sheldon: I'll think about it.
Mary: Thank you, baby.
Adult Sheldon: Guilt and jealousy in the same day. I slept hard that night.

Adult Sheldon: The thought of spending an afternoon with Paige seemed excruciating, but I wanted to make my mother happy. I was torn.
Dr. McCoy: The release of emotions, Mr. Spock, is what keeps us healthy Emotionally healthy, that is.
Adult Sheldon: Luckily, the wise words of Gene Roddenberry flatly delivered by Leonard Nimoy resolved my dilemma.
Mr. Spock: That may be, Doctor. However, I have noted that the healthy release of emotion is frequently very unhealthy.
Adult Sheldon: I realized if Mr. Spock could rise above his emotions while the fate of the Enterprise hung in the balance, certainly I could tolerate Paige for a few hours.

Adult Sheldon: I started to think that Paige and I might have more in common than I thought.
Maybe my mother was right. I really did just need to get to know her better.
Paige: Checkmate! You lose. [CHUCKLES] Guess that makes me the smartest.
Adult Sheldon: I don't know if ten-year-old Spock ever flipped a chess board, but ten-year-old Sheldon sure did.

Adult Sheldon: Over the next few days, I ran to my Meemaw's house so we could save the 8-bit princess. And if it's unclear how important this was, let me say it again: I ran.

Adult Sheldon: For many children, their happiest memory is the day they learned to ride a bike.
For others, it's when they got their first puppy. For me, it was the day I received a box of 57 defective smoke detectors loaded with americium-241.

Adult Sheldon: I'd like to tell you a story about a time I was right. Now, I'm sure you're thinking, "But, Sheldon, you're never wrong." And you'd be right. But it's worth taking a closer look at this particular incident. Because it began with a loaf of bread, and ended with me and my family almost being kicked out of the United States of America.

Adult Sheldon: The prospect of advancing to the next stage of academia had me feeling giddy. And, on top of that, I got to pack a suitcase, which is like playing Tetris but with underwear.

Adult Sheldon: Of all my many skills, one of the lesser known is my impressive ability to wait for things. I once stood perfectly still for 38 minutes because a bee was on my shoulder.
Sheldon: [blows, groans]
Adult Sheldon: I once waited four and a half hours to be released from a locker.
Sheldon: Hello? Anyone there? That's okay. I'll wait.
Adult Sheldon: And one time, when Dr. Sturgis was late for a lecture, I stayed longer than everyone.
Sheldon: Where are you all going?
Student: Professor's not here.
Sheldon: I can teach the class. I just need a box to stand on.

Adult Sheldon: After my other attempts to return to the trancelike state of anesthesia failed, I turned to something Nancy Reagan herself told me to "just say no" to. My mind-altering substance of choice was... chamomile tea. But not your grandma's chamomile tea. A highly concentrated super chamomile of my own making. All the relaxing power of 30 cups of chamomile tea packed into a teaspoon of calming sludge.
Sheldon: Sorry, Mrs. Reagan.

Adult Sheldon: I ended up using the class goggles that day and did not get eyebrow lice. But eight months later, I did contract a mild case of pink eye. Were the two events related? This scientist says yes.

Adult Sheldon: I've always enjoyed math word problems. Try wrapping your noggin around this one. A brilliant young boy named Sheldon is about to start college. He needs to get from his linear algebra class to his physics class, which is 822 meters away. If his stride is 23 inches long and he only has 10 minutes, how many steps would he have to take per minute to make it on time? It's a doozy, isn't it? Don't worry. I'll show my work. First, we must determine the maximum velocity achievable without breaking a sweat. Sweating is for jocks and those who are worried the jig is up.

Adult Sheldon: To figure out which school of philosophy suited me best, I decided to sample each one. The same way I determined my favorite flavor of oatmeal... Plain.