Adult Sheldon: In Conquest of the Planet of the Apes, we learned how humans taught the apes to become civilized. Which I think should start with potty training, but I'm not a screenwriter.

Ms. Ingram: A quadrilateral that can be inscribed in a circle is an example of a cyclic polygon.
[Sheldon groans] Sheldon, don't argue with me, I'm looking at it right here.
Adult Sheldon: While Nurse Nora's special medicine had given me a temporary reprieve, my pain had escalated to a 4.9. Although Ms. Ingram's questionable math skills certainly weren't helping.

Adult Sheldon: A fossil is formed when an organism, preserved in sediment, undergoes physical compression over millions of years. Less than one ten-thousandth percent of living organisms will become fossils. Isn't it amazing that something so fragile can defy those odds, only to have this happen to it-
[Tam hits a fossil with a hammer and it breaks into pieces]
Sheldon: I don't think you did that right.

Sheldon: Who was that?
George Jr.: No one.
Sheldon: Why did he push you?
George Jr.: None of your business.
Sheldon: But that was a clear violation of the student code of conduct. We need to tell on him.
George Jr.: We're not telling on anyone, stay out of it.
Sheldon: But the student code of conduct-
George Jr.: Drop it.
Adult Sheldon: So I did drop it ... for six whole minutes.

Adult Sheldon: I didn't have the physical stature to assist Tommy in a brawl, but I did have something far more lethal: my once in a generation brain.

Adult Sheldon: Over the next few days, I continued to play the violin in an effort to replicate the mental prowess of Einstein. I was asked to confine my practice to the garage by my father, mother, sister and brother. Meemaw was fine with me practicing in the house, but why would she care? She doesn't live with us.

Adult Sheldon: Emboldened by my father's pep talk, I began working on my speech. I aspired to walk in the footsteps of history's greatest orators: Socrates, Winston Churchill, and, last but not least, Professor Proton.

Adult Sheldon: Before I became Dr. Sheldon Cooper, I was President Sheldon Cooper. And I don't mind telling you, they both look pretty darn good on business cards. One of my first responsibilities as class president was delivering the morning announcements.

Adult Sheldon: Living in a small Texas town, a few things are guaranteed: Someone nearby will have chickens. Everyone will know your business. But on the brighter side, in a small Texas town, people take care of each other.

Adult Sheldon: Some people are just natural-born worriers. My mother, for example, could whip herself into a frenzy even if I were sitting on my bed doing nothing.

Mary: I'm reading this book about mental problems, and I'm worried it sounds like Sheldon.
George Sr.: Well, stop reading the book.
Mary: Shelly and Dr. Sturgis have a lot in common, and look what happened.
George Sr.: What, you mean like how he went to-
Adult Sheldon: As a society, we've made strides in how we discuss psychological issues. 30 years ago in East Texas, let's just say we hadn't.
George Sr.: cuckoo, cuckoo. [blubbers]

Adult Sheldon: The world had stopped making sense. A grown-up had lied to me, my meemaw and I were at odds, I was in trouble with my parents. I had to find a way to restore balance.

Mary: That is it! I am taking this house back from the devil.
Missy: Hey.
Adult Sheldon: I've been accused of overreacting from time to time. But perhaps it's hereditary, because look at my mommy go.

Adult Sheldon: Eventually, my mother relented and returned our things with a few minor adjustments.
Missy: What's The Moosewood Gang?
Mary: They solve mysteries while they learn about God.
Missy: Great.
Adult Sheldon: Georgie got his music back.
George Jr.: [as Jesus Christ Superstar plays] What the hell is this?
Adult Sheldon: And as for college, my mother and father discussed it and decided that ten was too young. So I didn't start till the ripe old age of 11. In the meantime I had the key to one sweet bathroom.

Adult Sheldon: Before that disembodied voice on AOL started saying, "You've got mail," we relied on my mom.
Mary: Shelly, you've got mail!
Adult Sheldon: Some mail brought great joy.
Sheldon: Greetings, Mr. Spock.
Adult Sheldon: Some mail brought pain.
Mary: George, you got jury duty!
George Sr.: Tell 'em I died!
Adult Sheldon: And one time, mail caused a war between neighbors rivaling that of the Klingon Empire and the Federation, which trust me was a doozy.

Adult Sheldon: I had lied to my mother and gotten away with it. The guilt was more than I could take. I had to make this right. I could confess and break my mother's heart, or I could turn my lie into the truth and actually get myself sick.

Adult Sheldon: Pastor Jeff and Officer Robin finally had their ceremony, which was nice for them, but meant I had to go to church on a Saturday and watch old people kiss.

Mary: So, good news. Paige is gonna spend the weekend with us.
Adult Sheldon: My history with Paige brought up complicated feelings. She challenged me. She disturbed me. She enraged me. Things were simpler for my simple-minded sister.
Missy: Yay!

Adult Sheldon: I had survived a perilous trip to the accessory store, but it turned out, the real accessory was me.

Adult Sheldon: I was not alone in asserting my independence that day. This tiny slice of hot dog also seemed to yearn for freedom. But sometimes... freedom comes at a cost. In this case, a lowly disc of processed meat... ...would nearly tear my family apart.