Sheldon: Meemaw?
Meemaw: Mr. Moonpie, how might I help you?
Sheldon: How much money are you planning to leave me when you die?
Meemaw: Nice talkin' to you.

Dr. John Sturgis: So, some colleagues of mine at the university are doing a research study on twins. I told them about Sheldon and his sister, and they were most intrigued.
George Sr.: Uh, what kind of study?
Dr. John Sturgis: It's a longitudinal investigation of environmental and genetic factors in the development of cognitive and other capacities in pairs of fraternal and identical twins.
Meemaw: You asked.

Meemaw: This necklace has been in our family for generations. It belonged to a Comanche warrior who gave it to your great-great-great-great grandma.
Sheldon: Why'd he give it to her?
Meemaw: Well, according to family lore, she was, uh, a very accommodating young lady and, uh, they hit it off.
Sheldon: That's a bird feather.
Meemaw: Eagle feather.
Sheldon: Doesn't matter. I don't like birds, birds are filthy.
Meemaw: Okay. Fine. One featherless family heirloom for you to take with you and keep you safe while you're away.
Sheldon: You don't actually believe this has magic powers, do you?
Meemaw: Oh, for God's sake, just say "thank you."
Sheldon: Thank you. There's a price tag on it.
Meemaw: No, there's not.

Meemaw: You got to remember to hoist your food up into the trees so this one can't get it.
George Sr.: Very funny.
Meemaw: You make fun of my face, I'm gonna have to make fun of your enormous, bear-like body.

Meemaw: I do not want Mary to find out about this.
George Sr.: Well, what about Sheldon? The kid hasn't pooped in days, he might pop.
Meemaw: Slip a little Metamucil into his apple juice, he'll be fine.

George Jr.: [to Mary] Why you cryin'?
Meemaw: Why you stupid?

Meemaw: So what's goin' on?
Missy: I think I have a boyfriend.
Meemaw: Wow.
Missy: But you cannot tell Mom.
Meemaw: Oh, of course... I love not telling your mother stuff.

Mary: Really, Mom? This is how you put out the fire?
Meemaw: Well, at least she got the worst of it.
George Sr.: How you figure that?
Meemaw: I ripped a big patch of hair out of her head. This will be healed in a week. She will be wearing a hat till Labor Day.

Missy: Mom said you're not supposed to gamble.
Meemaw: Sleep, child!

Meemaw: You know, I actually did a little community theater back in my 20s.
George Sr.: Is that so?
Meemaw: I had a good part in Oklahoma. "I'm just a girl who can't say no."
Missy: Say no to what?
Meemaw: Well to-
Mary: Uh, eating her vegetables.
Meemaw: It was fun. But I'm pretty sure doing plays is just an excuse to change in front of each other backstage.
Missy: Really?
Meemaw: Yeah. Theater folk just love to take their clothes off.
Missy: How many people saw you naked?
Meemaw: A lot.
Mary: Mom.
George Sr.: Enough.
Meemaw: Y'all don't understand my sense of humor, either.

Meemaw: Okay, you can tell me, who's his real daddy?

Mary: I'm telling you, this is a terrible idea. This is a terrible, terrible idea.
Meemaw: He's gonna be fine. You'll see.
Mary: I can't believe you're okay with this.
Meemaw: I'm not okay with this. I'm just trying to be strong for you!
Mary: What? You thought him leaving was a good idea.
Meemaw: Oh, I only said that because you thought it was a bad idea. You know how it's always my nature to go the other way. Say "up."
Mary: Up.
Meemaw: Down.

Dr. Linkletter: Perhaps we could create some sort of a cocoon to suspend it.
Sheldon: Out of wire?
Dr. Linkletter: Or nylon. But I wouldn't know how to weave it around a sphere.
Meemaw: I'm not a genius, but it sounds to me like what y'all are talking about is, uh, crochet.
Dr. Linkletter: I suppose we are.
Meemaw: Because with crochet, you can make all kinds of shapes.
Dr. Linkletter: Intriguing.
Meemaw: Hell, I even crocheted a cover for Jolene.
Dr. Linkletter: I'm sorry?
Meemaw: That's my bowling ball.
Sheldon: She likes to name inanimate objects... it's odd.
Dr. Linkletter: Or whimsically charming.

Meemaw: Ooh, I love this song. [Meemaw sings along to "Ring of Fire" by Johnny Cash] ♫ Bound by wild desires ♫ ♫ fell into a ring of fire ♫
George Jr.: My life's falling apart and you're singing?
Meemaw: ♫ I fell into a burning ring of fire ♫ ♫ I went down, down, down ♫ ♫ And the flames went higher ♫ ♫ And it burns, burns, burns ♫ ♫ That ring of fire ♫ [talks] Where?
George Jr.: The ring of fire
Meemaw: [vocalizes] [mimes playing a trumpet]

Meemaw: [singing] My country, 'tis of thee, Sweet land of liberty, Of thee I sing, Land where our fathers died, la- Sing along - Land of the pilgrims' pride.

Mary: You are unbelievable. It is bad enough for you to do all this stuff, but then to drag Georgie down into your den of sin.
Meemaw: Oh, please, it's not a den of sin. Although that is a great name. Den of Sin. That would get some butts in seats. [Mary exclaims]

George Jr.: Can I ask you a personal question?
Meemaw: You're not in my will.

Mary: By the way, don't send Georgie to the store anymore to get you beer.
Meemaw: He snitched on me? Well, he tried to steal one.

George Sr.: Well, geez, I don't I don't know if I want some scientists pokin' and proddin' the kids.
Meemaw: Oh, but they wouldn't be poked and prodded. They just have to, you know, answer some questions.
Dr. John Sturgis: And maybe some puzzles and tests.
George Sr.: That's not too bad. Where is it?
Dr. John Sturgis: Houston.
George Sr.: Oh, it just got bad. That's that's a long drive.
Dr. John Sturgis: It does pay $50 an hour plus gas and expenses.
George Sr.: Really?
Meemaw: I told you to start with that.

George Jr.: How come he gets to tie up the phone and I can't?
Meemaw: Because what is happening in there is called a miracle, and God-fearing people do not get in the way of those.