Pastor Jeff: Connie, I am so sorry.
Meemaw: Thank you.
Pastor Jeff: I want you to know, I'm not gonna do anything about what I saw today. You've been through enough.
Meemaw: It's been quite a day.
Pastor Jeff: Why don't I give you a hand here? Anything special you're looking for?
Meemaw: A box of Raisin Bran.

Meemaw: We're raking in quarters. I got a house to rebuild.
Georgie: You want to raise the price?
Meemaw: Nope. I'm thinking bigger. Table games. Maybe a roulette wheel.
Georgie: Whoa. These machines are already a gray area. Table games are big-time illegal.
Meemaw: You know why? Because they make big-time money.
Georgie: What are the cops gonna say?
Meemaw: "Thank you for my new fishing boat"?
Georgie: Meemaw, I can't go to jail. I've got a family to take care of.
Meemaw: Nobody's going to jail.
Georgie: Please, just take a moment to think about it.
Meemaw: Fine. We're doing it. [laughs]

[As Meemaw writes a letter at Dale's kitchen table, he's playing his guitar and singing "I Walk the Line" by Johnny Cash]
Meemaw: [v.o.] George tells me you and Sheldon are having a good time in Germany. Things here are finally settling down. I moved in with Dale, which has been great. He's been so supportive and patient...
Meemaw: Could you play another song?
Dale: I'm working on this song.
Meemaw: My last nerve is what you're working on.
Dale: Well, you got to practice if you want to get good.
Meemaw: For what? You're 74. You gonna play that song in hell?
Dale: Look, this is my house, and in my house, I play the guitar.
Meemaw: I thought you said your house was my house.
Dale: And in your house, there's a guy who plays the guitar, and he's getting pretty doggone good.

Dale: Hey. Have you seen my guitar?
Meemaw: No. Why?
Dale: I could've sworn I left it in the bedroom and now I can't find it anywhere.
Meemaw: That's weird.
Dale: Did you hide it?
Meemaw: I can't believe you would accuse me of such a thing.
Dale: Did you?
Meemaw: Did I what?
Dale: Hide my guitar.
Meemaw: [sings] ♪ Because you're mine ♪ ♪ I lost my mind. ♪

Dale: Well, give it back.
Meemaw: Only under certain conditions.
Dale: That guitar has been here way longer than you have.
Meemaw: You want to see it again?
Dale: What conditions?
Meemaw: First of all, if I'm out of the house, you can play it all day long.
Dale: That's reasonable.
Meemaw: I'm a reasonable lady. Number two: You cannot play the same song for more than five minutes.
Dale: No, no, no, no. That's not how practice works. Repetition is the key to mastery.
Meemaw: Ten minutes.
Dale: Deal.
Meemaw: It's in the closet behind the rain coats.
Dale: Well, thank you. [plays guitar and sings] ♪ Because you're mine ♪
Meemaw: Hold on, let me get my egg timer.

Meemaw: What are you doing?
Dale: I'm gonna go sleep in the other room so we don't bug each other.
Meemaw: And leave me here all alone?
Dale: I thought you'd be happy.
Meemaw: Well, my nose might be happy, but the rest of me won't be.
Dale: Aw.
Meemaw: Unless you're leaving because my snoring is so bad. Alleged snoring.
Dale: Alleged snoring? I'm going half deaf in this ear from your alleged snoring.

Meemaw: [answers phone] Hello.
Sheldon: Meemaw, it's me.
Meemaw: Shelly. Everything okay?
Sheldon: No, everything's terrible. The baby stole my room and won't stop crying and now they're making me sleep in the garage.
Meemaw: What do you need me to do?
Sheldon: Pick me up and I can stay with you.
Meemaw: Oh, well, this is Dale's house. I have to ask him.
Dale: Ask me what?
Meemaw: [covers phone] It's Shelly. He wants to spend the night.
Dale: Oh, yeah, it'd be nice to see the little guy.
Meemaw: Dale says no. See you in the morning. [hangs up]

Mary: So how are you and Dale getting along?
Meemaw: Well, I rode a bike seven miles to have coffee with you, so that should tell you.
Mary: Not going well?
Meemaw: Oh, it's fine. It's just, after you've lived by yourself for a long time, having a roommate takes a little getting used to.
Mary: I'm sure Dale's doing his best.
Meemaw: That's my fear.

George: Mare, what's this $50 to an "R.T.L.M."?
Mary: Reverend Travis Lemon Ministries. I made a donation.
Meemaw: The goofy guy with the hair?
Mary: He's not goofy, and he preaches the gospel in a way that speaks to me.
George: Yeah, well, let me speak to you. We can't be throwing away 50 bucks.
Mary: We are not throwing it away. We are gonna get that money back plus some.
Meemaw: Oh, honey, now, come on. You can't possibly believe that B.S.
Mary: Maybe. Reverend Travis says that Jesus wants us to prosper.
Meemaw: Is that why he huffed and puffed and blew my house down?

Meemaw: [clears throat] I would like to propose a toast... to Mandy and Georgie. Your relationship started out with lies and deceit, which usually happens later on in marriage.
Dale: Where is this going?
Meemaw: But you two got it out of the way right up front. So I think the odds are in your favor... for having a lifetime of love and happiness. To Mandy and Georgie... [blows a kiss] and CeeCee. [glasses clink]
Dale: Way to bring it home, baby.
Meemaw: I can do heartfelt.

Mary: Oh, and I can watch the baby.
Audrey: Or me, the one who just paid for your honeymoon.
Mandy: You two are on probation. I don't want to come home and find out there was an exorcism. Connie, will you do it?
Meemaw: I would love to.
Dale: Wait a minute, it's my house. Don't I have a say?
Meemaw: No.
Dale: I don't have a say.

Dale: Can I give the flight risk a kiss goodbye?
Officer Gilroy: That's up to her.
Meemaw: I'm good.
Dale: She's good.

Meemaw: I can't leave the house? What the hell am I supposed to do all day?
Dale: I am way ahead of you. See? I stopped and I picked up puzzles. Got us the Grand Canyon and Dogs Playing Poker.
Meemaw: If I were to run right now, would you shoot me?

Bryce: A deal can be made without going to trial. You plead guilty, pay a fine, lose your business license, maybe some community service, probation, but no jail time.
Meemaw: So I'll lose the gambling room, but I can keep the Laundromat and the video store?
Bryce: No. Those are all considered a part of the criminal enterprise. They get confiscated.
Meemaw: What if I fight it?
Bryce: On what grounds?
Meemaw: I didn't have an illegal gambling room. I collected... antique slot machines. It was my hobby.
Bryce: And the evading arrest?
Meemaw: I was just taking my great-granddaughter for a brisk stroll.
Dale: I'm confused. Did we start the insanity thing?

Bryce: I think you should take this deal. Put everything behind you, get on with your life.
Meemaw: What life? I have no life.
Dale: You have me.
Meemaw: Yeah, yeah. What if I had something to offer? Then maybe I could keep my businesses and skip the fine?
Bryce: What are you thinking?
Meemaw: That greedy rat of a cop I was paying off.
Bryce: Rutledge? He's the one who flipped on you.
Meemaw: Son of a bitch. You can't even trust a dirty cop these days.