Adult Sheldon: As I struggled, my meemaw began to realize the problem with running a gambling den in the back of a Laundromat was it's still connected to a Laundromat.
Harriet: I put five pairs of undies in here, and now there are four. Your machine ate my undies.
Meemaw: There's a lost and found box right over there in the corner. Just take all you want.
Harriet: I don't want a stranger's undies.
Meemaw: Then let's find your precious undies.

George Jr.: A secret casino room?
Meemaw: Yeah. The cops shut me down.
George Jr.: That is so cool.
Meemaw: Very cool. I got a room full of slot machines I can't turn on and a room full of washing machines I don't want.

Meemaw: [scraping] 67 years old, scraping Tootsie Roll out of a clothes dryer.
George Jr.: Hey.
Meemaw: What do you want?
George Jr.: I want to help you out.
Meemaw: Oh, I knew you'd come back. Listen, I got most of it, but there's this one chunk in there that won't let go.

Jake: I've heard that in cash businesses such as this, that some owners can benefit by having a strong relationship with their local police department.
Meemaw: What are you getting at?
Jake: I'm just wondering if there's something you can do to incur good will.
Meemaw: Are you shaking me down?
Jake: No.
Meemaw: Are you hitting on me?
Jake: No! Uh... I'm just saying I've heard some business owners like to invest in local law enforcement.
Meemaw: You are shaking me down.
Jake: It's a gray area.

Meemaw: What kind of contribution are we talking?
Jake: [inhales] Well, that's up to you. Oh, I understand that somewhere between 9 and 11% is popular.
Meemaw: Ten percent?
Jake: [chuckles] If you insist.
Meemaw: How about three?
Jake: Three what? Three counts of illegal gambling? Three years in jail?
[cut to:]
Meemaw: I'm paying you in quarters.

Meemaw: So, how's it going? Do you have anybody to help you out?
June: Oh, yeah. [picks up pill bottle] These little guys. Elvis was onto something.
Meemaw: [chuckles] Till he keeled over on the toilet.
June: He was the king. That was his throne.
Meemaw: [laughs] Seriously, now, though, if you need anything at all, we are here for you.
Dale: That's right. 100%. [Meemaw slaps Dale]
Meemaw: Would you stop?
Dale: I was being sincere.
Meemaw: Well, that's for the next dumb thing you say.
Dale: Well, just quit hitting me, would you?
Meemaw: Well, quit being stupid.

June: [answers phone] Hello.
Meemaw: Hey, June. Connie. Just wanted to see if you need anything.
June: Nah, I'm good, but thank you, though.
Meemaw: You sure? Groceries? Dishes? Help in the shower?
June: Damn it, Dale.

Meemaw: How did this happen?
June: I got three bananas, and it asked me if I wanted to parlay, and I said, "Well, that sounds like fun," so I hit that button, and I went, "Whoo-hoo!" 'cause I won.
Meemaw: [laughs] This has got to be a glitch. Go get a manual and-and-and look up "glitch."
George Jr.: We have a manual?
Meemaw: Just find one.

George Jr.: Well, is she a partner forever or just until she gets her money back?
Meemaw: I don't know.
George Jr.: Seems like an important question to ask.
Meemaw: Well, I didn't ask it.
George Jr.: All this yelling can't be good for your blood pressure.
Meemaw: You're right. I think I'm just gonna step outside and have a cigarette.
George Jr.: Smoking ain't any better.
Meemaw: Good. Perhaps the end is near.

Wade: I think it's pretty.
Meemaw: Nobody asked you, Wade.
June: We may need to have a chat about customer service.
Meemaw: We're gonna have a chat about a lot of things, starting with how come you're redecorating without even asking me.
June: I'm a partner.
Meemaw: A silent partner.
June: Hey, I can help here.
George Jr.: She's got some good ideas.
Meemaw: So, you're on her side now?
George Jr.: A good idea's a good idea, who cares where it comes from.
June: Thank you. And I like your idea about putting a dartboard in the corner.
Meemaw: Oh. So, this is how it's gonna be? Fine. When Wade here takes a dart to the head, don't come crying to me.
Wade: I don't want a dart in the head.

Meemaw: [enters] Where's Georgie?
George Sr.: In the garage.
Meemaw: Disco ball, my ass.
George Sr.: [chuckles] What's going on?
Meemaw: It's a gambling room, not a damn dance club, that's what's going on. Georgie!
Missy: [gets up] I want to watch that show.

Missy: [sniffles]
Meemaw: What's the matter?
Missy: [voice cracking] Everything.
Meemaw: Did somebody die?
Missy: [shakes head] No.
Meemaw: Then we can fix it. Come on. Come on.

Mary: He just took the ticket and stormed off. I don't know why he cares so much about a dishwasher.
Meemaw: Maybe it ain't about the dishwasher.
Mary: Well, what is it, then?
Meemaw: Mary, I love you, but sometimes it's kind of like you're waging a war on fun.
Mary: Why? Because I have values? Well, too bad because they're not going away.
Meemaw: Oh, and fun is down for the count.

Mary: It's not like I don't want to be fun, but I feel like I am the only one holding the family together.
Meemaw: Mary, can I point out that you weren't exactly like this when y'all got married?
Mary: So? I'm not allowed to grow?
Meemaw: Apart? Okay.

Dale: Hey. What are you doing here?
Meemaw: I came to take you to dinner.
Dale: Really? Uh, I'll grab my keys.
Meemaw: No need. I'll drive tonight. But you might want to grab a jacket.

Meemaw: Oh, for God's sake, take off that stupid Ballard shirt.
George Sr.: Oh, look, Connie's here.
Mary: [sighs] She's upset about Dale.
Meemaw: I ain't upset about jack squat.

George Sr.: Surprised you're here. Figured you'd be out with your little girlfriend.
George Jr.: Well, I'm not.
Meemaw: Uh-oh. Did somebody find out how old you are?
Missy: Ooh, what does that mean?
George Jr.: I don't want to talk about it.
Meemaw: What it means is, your brother over here has been going out with an older woman and lying about his age.
Mary: Georgie!
George Jr.: It don't matter. I told her the truth, and she dumped me.

Meemaw: But hearing you boys go on about it did remind me of Pop Pop.
Sheldon: What did he used to say?
Meemaw: [chuckles] I wish I could remember. But he did get all excited about it, like you.
Sheldon: Well, at least I have Dr. Sturgis and Dr. Linkletter to share my enthusiasm.

Mandy: Ah, damn it.
Meemaw: I'm not here to fight with you, or pass judgment on you, I just want to talk about... where we're going with all this.
Mandy: There's nothing to talk about. All this is my business.
Meemaw: That's true. I just thought it might be nice if you got to meet Georgie's family.
Mandy: I haven't even told my own parents yet.
Meemaw: Just so you know, I went through this very thing with my own daughter, Georgie's mom. So, we get it.
Mandy: Really?
Meemaw: We just want to be helpful.
Mandy: Well, I'm not very happy with Georgie right now.
Meemaw: Nobody is. We get it.

Mary: So, Mandy, my mother mentioned that your folks don't know about the baby.
Mandy: No, not yet.
Mary: Well, I'm sure they'll be excited when you tell them you're bringing new life into the world.
Mandy: [to Meemaw] Is that how you felt when she got pregnant?
Meemaw: About the baby? [scoffs] Yeah. The guy who did it? [blows raspberry]
George Sr.: Mutual.
Mary: They kid around like that.
George Sr.: Yeah, all good fun.
[George gives Meemaw an evil look]