Meemaw: How about this... Why don't you get one of your girlfriends to find out how he feels about you.
Missy: Why?
Meemaw: Because then you don't have to put yourself on the spot.
Missy: Okay. And if he doesn't like me back, I'll just keep being mean to him until he does.
Meemaw: I don't know why that works. Men are dumb.
Missy: Does that mean we're dumb for liking 'em?
Meemaw: It's not a good look for us.

Meemaw: I'm Sheldon Cooper's grandmother and, uh, I need to take him out of school today.
Diane: Sure. What's the reason?
Meemaw: His Aunt Emelda's not doing well, and has asked to see him 'fore she goes.
Diane: Oh, I am so sorry. Does she want to see his older brother also?
Meemaw: Nah. She doesn't like him as much.

Meemaw: You just need a new hobby.
Sheldon: Very well. What are yours?
Meemaw: Smoking, drinking and gambling. But we can find you something almost as fun.

George: You don't always win in life, he needs to learn that.
Mary: I know, but these are big feelings for a little boy.
George: They're feelings everybody has. It's part of growing up.
Mary: I guess.
Sheldon: Poodle poop!
Meemaw: Okay. Somebody's got to teach this kid to swear, it's embarrassing.

Meemaw: You looking for a new church?
Mary: Not yet.
Meemaw: 'Cause I can see you going Catholic. You got a "get thee to a nunnery" vibe.

Mary: I don't want my little boy in some car with a teenager behind the wheel.
George: All high school kids drive.
Mary: Yeah? Well, I don't like it. Would you let me get in a car with a stranger when I was young?
Meemaw: Well, nobody ever asked you out, so it didn't really matter.

Meemaw: [singing] Oh, say, does that star-spangled banner, Yet wave-

Meemaw: Oh, Lord, I think I'm gonna wet myself.

Meemaw: Let me lay here for just a minute.
Mandy: Can I get you some ice or something?
Meemaw: No, no, no. You've got to stay in bed. [exhales]
Mandy: Okay. Well, you look like the "I've fallen and I can't get up" lady.
Meemaw: That's because I have fallen and I can't get up. [laughs] Okay, it hurts when I laugh. [laughing]

Sheldon: Do you think a Spock could become a Kirk?
Meemaw: Well, in my experience, most people stay the miserable bastards they are their whole entire life. But I have seen some folks change.

Meemaw: Okay, here you go. I got you a shovel and a bucket and some gloves.
Sheldon: Did you check the gloves for spiders?
Meemaw: Is this my first day as Meemaw?

Sheldon: I wonder if we'll get to meet an astronaut.
Meemaw: I remember when I was a teenager, I had the biggest crush on John Glenn. I would've given it up for him no problem.
Mary: Mom.
Missy: Given what up?
Mary: Her allowance. Just eat.

Mary: She looks harmless.
Meemaw: She's cute. So she probably gets away with stuff. I'm like that.

Sheldon: I've been corresponding with Dr. John Sturgis at East Texas Tech. He said I could audit his course.
Meemaw: You're pen pals with a stranger? Is this okay?
Sheldon: He's not a stranger. He's a famous scientist. He carbon-dated the oldest human feces.
Meemaw: That ain't strange.

Meemaw: What do you think? I won it bowling. It was either that or a Crock-Pot, and I already got three of those, so I thought I'd surprise you.
Sheldon: No, thank you. Video games are for children.
Meemaw: Sheldon, you are a child. I just blew the hot off your SpaghettiOs.
Sheldon: I'm sorry, Meemaw, I just don't think it's a very productive use of my time.
Meemaw: You're a man of science. Aren't you interested in doing a little research here?