Mary: What are you doing?
Meemaw: Making a withdrawal.
Mary: You put a hole in my wall and hid money in it?
Meemaw: It seemed safe. I mean, who'd look for money in this dump?
Mary: Why do you need it?
Meemaw: Legal fees. Maybe a new gambling room.
Mary: Mom.

Meemaw: What kind of community service are we talking about? I can't be up there on the interstate picking up trash with some winos.
Officer Rhonda Thomason: Well, there are other options.
Meemaw: Hit me.
Officer Rhonda Thomason: How about Habitat for Humanity? Build some poor soul a home.
Meemaw: The tornado blew mine to smithereens. How about some do-gooder build me a home?
Officer Rhonda Thomason: Moving on. [sighs] You own a hazmat suit?
Meemaw: What? Why-why?
Officer Rhonda Thomason: There's a sewage pipe under the hepatitis clinic with your name on it.
Meemaw: Let's keep thinking.

Officer Rhonda Thomason: Well, we got... animal shelters, libraries, churches...
Meemaw: Ooh. Is that any church?
Officer Rhonda Thomason: Yeah. As long as they sign off on your hours.
Meemaw: Oh, I like where this is heading.
Officer Rhonda Thomason: Why?
Meemaw: A good Christian woman always is eager to serve.
Officer Rhonda Thomason: A Christian woman who ran a backroom casino?
Meemaw: Hey, God forgave me, maybe you should, too.
Officer Rhonda Thomason: Do you understand I have the power to throw you in jail?
Meemaw: To be honest, I did not.

Pastor Jeff: Hey, Connie. Didn't know you were here.
Meemaw: I'm just here to help out.
Pastor Jeff: That's so nice.
Mary: Well, it's her community service for being arrested.
Meemaw: Still nice.
Pastor Jeff: Well, the big guy appreciates it.
Mary: He'd really appreciate it if she actually did something.
Meemaw: Why are you like this? I raised you to be cool.
Mary: I am plenty cool.

Meemaw: Look, actually, I'm very happy living with Dale.
Dale: Well, first you're complaining, now you're complimenting?
Meemaw: I can go back to complaining.
Dale: No, no, no. Compliment away.
Meemaw: Fine. I really enjoy living with you, and your... moose lodge decor has come to feel like home.
Dale: Now, is that a compliment or a complaint?
Meemaw: It's a little of both.
Dale: I'll take it.