Mary: He is gonna freak out about the pain and the needle and the blood.
Dr. Bowers: Yeah, I wouldn't mention that stuff when you tell him.
Mary: Uh, can't you tell him?
Dr. Bowers: [laughs] I'm not gonna tell him.
Mary: But you're his doctor.
Dr. Bowers: And you're his mommy.
Mary: Which means that I have to deal with him all the time. Help me out here.
Dr. Bowers: No.
Mary: Okay. Can we tell him together?
Dr. Bowers: No.
Mary: All right. What if I put your business card, free of charge, in the next church newsletter?

Dr. Bowers: Okay, Sheldon, you ready?
Sheldon: Not really.
Dr. Bowers: Yeah, that makes two of us. Why don't you guys come on back?
Mary: You know what? I'm just gonna stay here. Um, you don't need me getting in your way.
Dr. Bowers: Oh, it's no trouble at all. Come on.
Mary: I've got my crochet.
Dr. Bowers: You're coming.
Mary: Fine.

Sheldon: Washcloth?
Mary: Washcloth.
Sheldon: Soap?
Mary: Soap.
Sheldon: Shampoo?
Mary: Shampoo.
Sheldon: Baby shampoo?
Mary: Does E equal MC squared?
Sheldon: Love you.

Mary: You're really making him live out there?
George Sr.: He's not gonna last one night in that nasty thing.
Mary: Have you seen that boy's room?

George Sr.: Oh, by the way, I made reservations tonight at that, uh, steakhouse on the Riverwalk.
Coach Wilkins: Ooh, fancy.
George Sr.: Well, yeah. Nothing says fancy like a two-pound slab of meat.
Coach Wilkins: Oh, shoot. I didn't pack my dress shoes.
Mary: See, George? It might be helpful if you mentioned some of these things ahead of time.
George Sr.: Here we go.
Darlene: Wayne's always doing stuff like this.
Mary: I'm glad to know it's not just us.
Darlene: That's why I packed his shoes last night.
Coach Wilkins: You did? Baby, you're the best.
Darlene: Well, how can I be the best when you are?
Mary: [to herself] It is just us.

Mary: [on the phone] Hold on. You're not gonna be around when Sheldon starts college?
Dr. John Sturgis: That's a great question. No.
Mary: John, I agreed to let him go because you were gonna be there to look after him.
Dr. John Sturgis: I know. And I feel terrible about it, but... please understand, this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I couldn't turn it down.
Mary: Orientation starts next week.
Dr. John Sturgis: I'm aware.
Mary: [sighs] Well, I hope that you're ready to hear him freak out when you tell him.
Dr. John Sturgis: I was kind of hoping he'd just be excited I get to work on the supercollider.
Mary: Right, because being happy for other people is where he shines.
[cut to:]
Sheldon: [on the phone with John] A supercollider? Well, you can't say no to that.
Mary: I give up.

Clarissa: You have kids?
Mary: Three.
Clarissa: You look amazing!
Mary: Oh...
Sam: Two of 'em are twins.
Mary: I don't want to brag, but natural birth.
Jason: Whoa.
Mary: I love college. [laughs]

Mary: Bless us, Lord, for the food we are about to receive, and bless the hands that prepared it. And with school starting tomorrow, please watch over our children.
Sheldon: Pastor Jeff already covered this.
Mary: He did?
Missy: Yeah, we're good. Amen.
All: Amen.
Mary: Amen.

Mary: If you want, I can ask Missy to hang out with him, make sure things go okay.
Brenda Sparks: Absolutely not.
Mary: Why?
Brenda Sparks: That girl is cute and sassy, and has a real chance at being popular. Do not take that from her. Or me.
Mary: Popularity isn't that important.
Brenda Sparks: It is the most important. Look at us. I'm miserable. You're always worried about something. I'd like one girl around here to win.
Mary: I'm not always worried.
Brenda Sparks: It's Sheldon's first day of college, and you're not freaking out?
Mary: It's on my mind.
Brenda Sparks: Mm.
Mary: But he's been looking forward to this for a long time. I'm sure he's having a wonderful day.

Brenda Sparks: [answers phone] Hello?
Mary: Hey, Brenda. It's Mary.
Brenda Sparks: Oh. Hey.
Mary: Hi. I was just checking in, seeing how you're doing.
Brenda Sparks: How am I doing about what?
Mary: Well, I heard that Billy might be having a tough time at school.
Brenda Sparks: Well, you know what, he'll be fine, so thanks for calling.
Mary: Okay. Um, if there's anything I can do, or if you ever want to talk...?
Brenda Sparks: Good to know. Anything else?
Mary: Uh, no, that was it.
Brenda Sparks: Okay. Bye. [hangs up]

Brenda Sparks: What now?
Mary: I feel like I might've overstepped my bounds last night, so I just wanted to bring you these and apologize.
Brenda Sparks: Thank you.
Mary: And I did mean it. If you ever need to talk, I'm here.
Brenda Sparks: Appreciate it.
Mary: Okay. [starts to walk off]
Brenda Sparks: It's more than Billy. Herschel moved out.
Mary: Oh, Brenda, I'm so sorry.
Brenda Sparks: Do you want to come in?
Mary: Of course.

Mary: What's going on?
Sheldon: I can't do it.
Mary: What's wrong?
Sheldon: What if there's another crash?
Mary: Baby, that's not gonna happen again.
Sheldon: You don't know that.
Mary: Sheldon, if you don't get in right now, you're going to miss school.
Sheldon: [sighs] True. [enters car]
Mary: I know you don't believe in it, but I'm gonna say an extra special prayer right now to keep us safe. Lord, please look after me and Sheldon on our drive to school... [door opens] [sighs] I'll get back to you.

Mary: [answers phone] First Baptist of Medford. How may I bless you?
Meemaw: I thought Peg answered the phones.
Mary: Mom?
Meemaw: Yeah.
Mary: Something I can help you with?
Meemaw: No, it can wait.
Mary: You want the number to the shuttle, don't you?
Meemaw: [sighs] Yes.
Mary: Let me get that for you. Huh. Um, looking under "G" for "geezer bus," and it's not there.
Meemaw: Oh, that's hilarious.
Mary: Maybe it's under "O" for "old fogies."
Meemaw: You know, you're not being a very Christian person right now.
Mary: I have enough prayers in the bank, I can coast for a day.
Meemaw: Just give me the number!
Mary: All right. Now, remember when you call to let them know if you need any help getting up stairs.

Mary: [on the phone] Listen, I appreciate that you value Sheldon at your school.
President Hagemeyer: Love him.
Mary: But I am trying to raise him to be a well-rounded individual who will get in a car.
President Hagemeyer: Oh, I wouldn't worry about that. Academia draws all kinds of eccentrics. Yeah, we've got a biology professor who hasn't cut his nails in years. Ugh. Looks like Edward Scissorhands.
Mary: That is not what I want for my son. [sighs] Do you have children?
President Hagemeyer: No, but thanks for bringing it up.
Mary: Anyway, I would like Sheldon to function in society, and it does not help if you give him everything that he asks for.
President Hagemeyer: I'm just doing my job.
Mary: And I am just doing mine.
President Hagemeyer: Understood.
Mary: Thank you.
President Hagemeyer: Oh, and, um, in a few minutes, my assistant is gonna be dropping off a big old basket of Star Trek tapes. [chuckles] I'm afraid it's too late for me to pump the brakes on that one.

Mary: Here we go.
Brenda Sparks: Is that three beers I see?
Mary: It's girls' night out and I said I was gonna show you a good time.
Meemaw: All right, then, party girl, give us a toast.
Mary: Oh, um, well, uh... Bless these beers and the bartender who poured them.
Meemaw: Seriously?
Mary: I thought it was good.

Mary: So, then, was there no big blowup when he left?
Brenda Sparks: Not really.
Mary: Well, what happened?
Brenda Sparks: Let's see... We used to be happy. Little by little, we weren't. Then there was bickering, then there was silence, and then... it was over.
Mary: I mean... all couples bicker, right?
Meemaw: You worried about you and George?
Mary: Of course.
Brenda Sparks: I'm sure you guys will be fine.
Meemaw: And if it doesn't work out, I'd be happy to introduce you to Butt Crack Bob over here. [laughs]

Mary: Maybe this is a bad idea. I should come back.
June: No, no, no, no. Come on, you're already here. Either way, there's nothing wrong in a little change.
Mary: Okay. Uh... What do you think I should do?
June: Well, when you look at yourself in the mirror, who do you see?
Mary: I see a mom and... a wife.
June: Okay, that's the hair you already got. Who do you want to see?
Mary: Oh, um...
June: Maybe we start with the nails.
Mary: That's a great idea.

Mary: When I was younger, I used to love making my own clothes.
June: Mm-hmm.
Mary: I always thought I'd do something with that. Maybe I should get back to it.
June: You definitely should.
Mary: Okay.
June: Okay. So, what are we thinking?
Mary: Actually, I don't think I need a haircut anymore. Thank you so much.
June: Oh, my pleasure. [chuckles] I got to start charging by the hour.

George Jr.: What are you doing?
Mary: I'm sewing.
George Jr.: Why?
Mary: Because it's a thing I like to do.
George Jr.: I ain't never seen you sew.
Mary: Well, you're seeing it now.

Mary: Well, this time I'm actually gonna get a haircut. I had a little accident.
June: Uh-oh, what happened?
Mary: Well, I was sewing and got to daydreaming...
[flashback to Mary working on the sewing machine before she starts to fantasize:]
[fantasy: Missy, Georgie and George are wearing clothes Mary made:]
Missy: I love it. You can make all my clothes from now on.
George Jr.: I'm-a wear this to the prom.
George Sr.: I was wrong, honey, you really are good at this. Boy, am I dumb.
[reality:]
[sewing machine clacking]
Mary: George! George! Help!
George Sr.: What? What's the matter?
Mary: My hair got tangled in the machine.
George Sr.: So pull it out.
Mary: Don't you think I thought of that?!
George Sr.: Well, what do you want me to do? All right, don't move.
[back:]
Mary: And here we are.
June: Okay. Let's get that hat off and see what we're dealing with.
Mary: I don't want to.
June: Oh, come on. I've been doing this a long time. I promise you I've seen worse. Oh... [chortles] That's not bad at all.