Mary: He is gonna freak out about the pain and the needle and the blood.
Dr. Bowers: Yeah, I wouldn't mention that stuff when you tell him.
Mary: Uh, can't you tell him?
Dr. Bowers: [laughs] I'm not gonna tell him.
Mary: But you're his doctor.
Dr. Bowers: And you're his mommy.
Mary: Which means that I have to deal with him all the time. Help me out here.
Dr. Bowers: No.
Mary: Okay. Can we tell him together?
Dr. Bowers: No.
Mary: All right. What if I put your business card, free of charge, in the next church newsletter?

Sheldon: Regardless, I'm not interested in making any more friends.
Mary: Oh, I don't think that's how you really feel.
Sheldon: It is. From now on, it's a hermit's life for me.
Mary: I bet, when you grow up, you will be surrounded by lots of smart, wonderful friends.
Sheldon: I can't see that happening.

Sheldon: Mom, when should I be expecting my testicles?
Woman: [turns around] What is wrong with him?
Mary: Nothing is wrong with him. Now turn around before I knock your lights out.
Sheldon: Hello.

Mary: Sheldon Lee Cooper, if you don't finish that pork chop, I swear I will chew it up and spit it in your mouth like a mama bird.
Missy: Do it, Mom. Do it.

Ms. Hutchins: Hi, Sheldon, what can I do for you?
Sheldon: Do you have any books or videos on the Lamaze technique?
Ms. Hutchins: Uh-oh. Georgie get that girl pregnant?
Sheldon: It's for me. I need to have a tooth pulled, and I'd like to do it without putting my brain on drugs.
Ms. Hutchins: Okay.
Sheldon: I've seen that commercial with the egg in the frying pan. Very effective.

George Jr.: There you go. I hope you enjoyed your shopping experience.
Man: I did.
George Jr.: I'd let the manager know, But he already does, 'cause it's me.
[later, to a woman holding a tennis racket:]
Woman: I'll take it.
George Jr.: It's been a pleasure to serve you.
[later, to an older man lifting weights:]
George Jr.: You might want to slow down. We don't have a license to sell guns in here. Just kidding, it's Texas. We got them in the back.

George Jr.: Can I at least change the music we play here?
Dale: What's wrong with the music we play here?
George Jr.: Nothing, it's just kind of grandpa music.
Dale: Well, how is this "grandpa music"?
George Jr.: Do you listen to it?
Dale: Yeah.
George Jr.: Do you have grandchildren?
Dale: Yeah.
George Jr.: Do you see where I'm going with this?