Episode Recap
In the kitchen, Mary informs Sheldon that there’s a package from his “little friend”. Sheldon is excited by the prospect Dr. Sturgis sent him something, but Mary clarifies that it’s from Mei-Tung, his tutor in Germany. “Mei-Tung was not my tutor,” Sheldon insists, “she just assisted me in learning things I didn't understand yet.” When Mary wonders what he got, Sheldon explains it’s the latest issue of the International Physics Review. “Oh, my”, Sheldon exclaims. “What is it?”, Mary inquires. Sheldon says it’s the paper he wrote with Mei-Tung. He’s the coauthor of an article in a highly esteemed journal. “That’s neat”, Mary says, but Sheldon would prefer a more grandiose term, like transformative. “Sheldon, that's transformative”, she says to humor him. When Missy arrives home from school, Mary asks how about her day. Missy got an A. “That’s amazing!”, Mary declares. Sheldon is frustrated that his sister got such high praise when “all she did was color inside the lines.” As George follows Missy in, Sheldon shares his news: “Dad, I got published in International Physics Review.” “Nice, buddy”, George responds, patting Sheldon on the back, before turning his attention to a boat catalog that arrived in the mail.
As Meemaw joins the Coopers at the dinner table, Missy shows her grandmother the A she received. She explains it’s a drawing of Medford the year she was born. Sheldon feels they’re going overboard with their praise for her grade, but George points out some of them never got an A. “Really? Not even one?”, Mary asks, somewhat concerned. “If only they graded lunch”, Meemaw jokes. “I’ll have you know, I love my body”, George insists. Mary prompts Sheldon to tell Meemaw about his “fancy article”. After Sheldon attempts to explain it, Meemaw remarks, “Hot dog”. “Hot dog?”, Sheldon questions. Mary suggests he try to explain it more simply. “She means dumb it down,” Missy clarifies. Meemaw is offended but admits Missy’s right. When Sheldon tries again, he mentions a Mobius strip and a Klein bottle, prompting Missy to interrupt. “Dumber”, she says. He tries to explain a Mobius strip. Dumber. He asks Meemaw if she knows what a square is. Yes. A cube? Of course. “Then you know what a C-8 octachoron is”, Sheldon says to blank expressions from Meemaw and Missy. “And for your information, I've lost a little weight”, George adds.
Over in the McAllister’s kitchen, Georgie is trying to feed CeeCee some Cheerios, saying they’re good for her. “You can tell 'cause there ain't no cartoon on the box”, he explains. Audrey wonders if CeeCee would prefer bananas or applesauce. “She don't like none of that”, Georgie says. “Any of that”, Audrey corrects him. “Any of what?” “She doesn't like any of that.” “That's what I said.” “No, you said, ‘She don't like none of that.” Georgie insists they’re “sayin’ the same “thang.” “No, we're saying the same thing.” Audrey argues he may want to speak more properly in front of his daughter. “Ain't nothin' wrong with the way I talk. Lotta people talk like me.”, George insists. Audrey realizes that’s true but says CeeCee might have better opportunities in life if she’s well-spoken. “She don't even talk yet.” “No, she doesn’t.”, Audrey corrects him. Audrey points out CeeCee is listening and learning, and they don’t want her first words to be “dang it”. “Better that than whatever the snooty version of ‘dang it’ is”, Georgie argues. “It's ‘darn it.’” “Dang it, I knew that”, Georgie says.
Dr. Sturgis joins Dr. Linkletter in his office as they read Sheldon’s article in front of him. “Remarkable work. Well done, lad”, John says. Linkletter declares that Sheldon is officially a “wunderkind” now he has his first paper published at the age of 14. Sheldon asks if they caught his sly in-joke about a tesseract. “Did I?”, John wonders. “I did”, Linkletter claims. “Did you?”, John asks. “I don’t know”, Linkletter concedes quietly. Sheldon tells them it's refreshing to talk to people who appreciate his work. “Appreciate it, understand it, and are inspired by it”, John argues. Linkletter says “ditto” to all three. After John says he’s sure Sheldon’s family is very proud, Sheldon responds, “Yes, but not just me. Childish maps, impregnating a woman out of wedlock... they're proud of all their kids.” They stare blankly at him.
In President Hagemeyer’s office, she tells Sturgis and Linkletter that the important thing is that Sheldon belongs to them. He is their cash cow. She asks them to explain Sheldon’s theory to her so she sounds knowledgeable when she “shakes the donor tree”. “Well, young Mr. Cooper has reimagined string theory”, Linkletter begins. “And compactified dimensions like nobody's business”, Sturgis adds. As they both chuckle, Hagemeyer realizes they don’t understand it either. “Not a bit”, Linkletter concedes. “So two of the top minds at our school are flummoxed by a 14-year-old”, Hagemeyer deduces. Sturgis argues “flummoxed” is a strong word, but Linkletter admits it is accurate. “Okay, maybe I can sell this by saying that this is so advanced that even other brilliant scientists don't understand it”, Hagemeyer proposes.
In the kitchen, as Mary answers the phone, George wonders who it is. “If it’s about a boat, hang up”, he says. Mary covers the phone and tells George it’s Princeton. They want to talk about Sheldon going to grad school there. George’s ears perk up. “Ooh, what are they offering?”, he asks. Mary doesn’t know. “Full-ride?” “I don’t know.” George tells her to ask them. Mary snaps, saying she will if he’ll shut up. “Okay, but I wouldn't use that tone”, George tells her. They’re interrupted by a knock at the front door. George says he’ll get it, reminding Mary that “cash is king”. When George opens the door, it’s a guy from Stanford who explains he’s passing through Medford and would like to talk about their son’s future. George invites the man in, and shouts to Mary to “Tell Princeton, Stanford's passing through.”
Later, George hurries Phil from Stanford out the door, thanking him for stopping by. George is now sporting a Stanford hat and sweater. Phil hoped he could meet Sheldon. “All in good time”, George assures him. “We still got to whip some of the lumps out of that offer of yours. We'll be in touch”, George insists, closing the door on Phil, who is still trying to say something. Inside, Mary wonders what George was thinking when he said “whip some of the lumps”. George argues that Sheldon’s “gobbledygook article” has sparked a bidding war. Mary asks him what he knows about grad school. “Nothing,” George admits, “but I do know about recruiting blue chip talent. These schools want him, and we got him.” Mary points out Sheldon is not a prize heifer they’re trying to auction. “Mary, we got two average kids”, George argues. “Let's cash in on the smart one.”
As Georgie and Mandy take a walk with CeeCee in her stroller, Georgie asks her if she thinks he talks funny. Mandy immediately wonders what her mom said. “Just that I should speak more proper”, he explains. Mandy insists Georgie’s way of talking is fine and her mom should mind her own business. But when Georgie explains that Audrey’s worried CeeCee might grow up and sound like him, Mandy changes her tune. “Oh”, she exclaims. Mandy mentions that when she was a weather girl she took some speech classes, and they really seemed to help. Georgie wonders if she used to sound like him. “Oh, sweetie, no”, Mandy replies with a laugh.
As Dr. Sturgis and Dr. Linkletter sit on a bench on campus having lunch, Linkletter sees President Hagemeyer heading towards them. “Well, I hope you two are happy”, Hagemeyer tells them. “Sheldon is being recruited by Princeton, by Stanford, MIT, Caltech. We are losing him, and you two have done nothing.”, she complains. Linkletter wonders what they can do, given those are some of the best schools on the planet. “We have a wonderful graduate program for physics”, Hagemeyer argues. “Actually…”, a weary Linkletter starts to interject, before Hagemeyer reminds him he is the chair of the department. Hagemeyer says they have other cards to play. “We're near his family, and he loves you two... God knows why... and most importantly, he hates change.” Hagemeyer thinks they should use all the knowledge they have of catering to Sheldon and his family to win him over. “His mother is very religious”, Dr. Sturgis mentions. “Someone might mention Caltech was founded by a Satanist.” Hagemeyer thinks that’s great. She wonders whether it’s true but decides she doesn’t care. Linkletter points out it is true. “And again, I don't care”, Hagemeyer adds. “So, what else we got?”
In the living room, George and Mary are decked out in Caltech gear as they talk to Mr. Stevens. George figures with all the traffic and freeways in California, Sheldon is going to need a car. Mary points out that he is only 14. “Right”, George clarifies, “He's gonna need a car and a driver.” Mr. Stevens assures them that can be arranged. “So, what do you say? Stephen Hawking and Sheldon Cooper together at Caltech?”, Mr. Stevens asks. Mary thinks that sounds very promising.
Mary and George are wearing Harvard sweaters as they talk to Mrs. Jameson, who mentions some of their notable alumni including John Kennedy, Franklin Roosevelt, and the newly-appointed Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg. “That's an awful lot of Democrats”, George observes. Later, when they’re dressed in Caltech gear again, George tells Mr. Stevens how Harvard boasts some impressive alumni. “Bunch of presidents and that gal on the court”, Mary adds.
Mary and George are wearing grey-blue UofT merchandise when they meet with Mr. Beaudry. Mary is confused as she thought UofT was a burnt orange, not a blue color scheme. “Oh, no, that's the University of Texas”, he explains, “We're the University of Toronto. Go, True Blue.” “Toronto?”, George asks. “Yes, sir, we're the Harvard of the North, eh”, he says. “Well, you should probably get going”, George tells him, “Got a long trip ahead of you.”
As George and Mary meet with MIT rep Mr. Jensen, George is happy with everything he’s hearing, but explains this will ultimately be Sheldon’s decision. Mr. Jensen is in agreement. “Hang on a sec”, Mary interjects, “I see an engineering department, a physics department, computer lab. What I don't see is a church.” Mr. Jensen tries to reassure her, “Don't worry, we have a beautiful nondenominational chapel built in 1956.” “Nondenominational?”, she questions. “Everyone's welcome”, he insists. Mary takes off her MIT visor and looks to George to remove his baseball cap.
When Dr. Sturgis and Dr. Linkletter catch Sheldon coming out of a building on campus and greet him, Sheldon wonders if everything’s okay. “Does something have to be wrong to hang out with a pal?”, Sturgis asks, while Linkletter adds, “Here at East Texas Tech, we're not just your faculty, we're your friends”. Sheldon reminds Linkletter that he had previously made it clear they weren’t friends. “That's just me giving you the business the way buddies do, you little scamp”, Linkletter says, giving Sheldon a playful shove on the shoulder. “Sorry, that was a little hard.” As they walk with Sheldon, Strugis mentions how stressful recruiting can be, but Sheldon points out that he’s not finding it stressful at all since his parents are handling most of it. Linkletter says that’s why it’s great to have family nearby. “Friends and family just a hop, skip and a jump away”, John adds. Sheldon clarifies that he does not hop, skip or jump. Linkletter then plays the Meemaw card: “Son, I know you have a lot of options for grad school, and I'm sure you'll make the right choice for yourself and your sweet, aging grandma.” “Who will miss you so much if you leave”, John adds. “Moon Pie... isn't that what she calls you?”, Linkletter raises. Yes, Sheldon confirms. “Sweet”, John says. “So sweet”, Linkletter adds in agreement.
When Mandy goes up to her room, she finds Georgie reading a book titled "English Grammar and Composition". Georgie explains it’s Missy’s. Mandy tells him he doesn’t have to do this, but Georgie insists he wants to do it for CeeCee. Mandy argues he doesn’t need a book, she can help him. “Let's just start simple”, she says, “Um, instead of ‘ain't’, try ‘isn't’.” “That isn't gonna be a problem”, Georgie responds. “There you go”, Mandy tells him. “Now, let's work on ‘wasn't.’”. “Wadn't.” “Wasn't.” “Wadn't.” Mandy says she’s not hearing the S. “That's 'cause it wadn't there”, Georgie replies.
In the den, George, Mary, Sheldon, Missy and Meemaw sit around discussing Sheldon’s options for grad school. “So, we've narrowed it down to five schools. We got Caltech and Stanford in California”, George explains. “The left coast”, Meemaw scoffs. “And on the East Coast, we got MIT, Harvard and Princeton”, George continues. “Damn Yankees”, Meemaw mutters. When Sheldon mentions there’s also East Texas Tech, Mary asks if he’s been considering it. “I have friends there, and it's close to all of you”, Sheldon replies. Missy questions why he would want to be close to all of them. George tells Sheldon that this is his decision, but the best he can understand it, these five schools are the major league and East Texas Tech is T-ball. Sheldon asks him not to use sports analogies, but he gets the point when George switches to comparing it to Superman vs. a regular man. Mary reassures Sheldon that if he’s worried about being far from them, all those universities have agreed to cover his travel costs. “This is a difficult decision”, Sheldon admits. Mary insists they’re all there to help him decide. After a moment’s silence, “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” theme tune plays from the TV. “Are we not done? It-it felt done.”, Missy says, holding the remote.
In the middle of the night, Missy notices Sheldon’s bedroom light is on, so she goes in to check on him. Sheldon admits he can’t sleep as this is the biggest decision of his life. “I'm employing an algorithm to assign points to each school so I can statistically decide which is the best”, Sheldon explains. Missy suggests "Eeny, meeny, miny, moe" instead. After Sheldon says he won’t miss her, Missy replies, “Same.” Sheldon mentions he’s narrowed it down to Caltech and MIT, which are equidistant from here. Caltech has Stephen Hawking, but he hasn’t won a Nobel Prize, unlike MIT’s Henry Kendall. Sheldon also notes both school’s mascot is a beaver. “Not pertinent to my needs, but amusing nonetheless”, he adds. “Well, if you want my opinion,” Missy says, “pick the one that's near the beach and Hollywood”. Sheldon hates both of those things, so he gives the advantage to MIT. When Missy asks what Sheldon’s gut feeling is, Sheldon corrects her, “The gut is not a thinking organ”. Missy rephrases it, asking what his “Spidey-sense” is telling him. “Spidey-sense warns Peter Parker of imminent danger. It doesn't help him pick schools”, Sheldon replies. “Well, the important thing is, no matter where you go, I'm gonna turn this room into a dance studio”, Missy says, heading out.
The next morning, Mary opens the front door to President Hagemeyer, who is wearing a cowboy hat and holding a pie and a pack of beer. “Howdy”, she says. “Howdy yourself”, Mary responds. Hagemeyer asks if this is a bad time. Mary says no but explains Sheldon’s not here if she wants to talk to him. “No, I was fixing to talk to you and your hubby”, Hagemeyer tells her. As Mary invites her in, Hagemer mentions, “I brought you some pecan pie and some beer to wash it down”. Mary insists she didn’t have to do that. “Oh, it's no problem. It's my ding-dang pleasure”, Hagemeyer adds.
Inside, George is tucking into the pie. “President Hagemeyer. This is a real honor, having you visit.”, he tells her. “Oh, stop it with that President nonsense.”, she replies. “It's Linda... y'all.” When Mary asks how they can help her, Hagemeyer turns the question back on them, “How can I help you?” George jokes that the rain gutters need clearing, but Hagemeyer argues it doesn’t have to be a joke. “You got a ladder and some gloves, I'm your gal”, she says. “And I guess that's why I'm here”, she continues, “You know, everybody's rolling out the red carpet for Sheldon, as they should. But, I mean, who's looking after your needs?” Mary doesn’t understand. “Wouldn't you like all your children to be college graduates?”, Hagemeyer asks them. George laughs, thinking she's joking, but then realizes she’s serious. Hagemeyer explains she can offer full scholarships to Sheldon’s twin sister, older brother and even their grandkid. Imagine how much tuition will cost in 18 years. Mary says that’s very generous. “No, I think it's just giving you good, hardworking folk what you deserve”, Hagemeyer replies. Mary doesn’t know what to say. George explains they’ll have to talk it over. At the end of the day, it’s Sheldon’s decision, Mary adds. “Oh, of course, but-but it's also a family decision, and that is what East Texas Tech is all about. Family.”, Hagemeyer tells them, “Or, as I like to say, kin.”
When Dr. Sturgis and Dr. Linkletter arrive at Linkletter’s office, they find Sheldon sitting there alone. As they enter, Sheldon holds up two baseball caps - one for Caltech, one for MIT - and asks them to decide for him. Sturgis asks if he’s okay. Sheldon admits he didn’t sleep at all last night. “For the life of me, I can't decide between Caltech and MIT. No matter how I analyze it, how I break it down, they're basically equal.” Linkletter responds that’s good - he can just pick the one he wants. “What I want is to not have to make this decision”, Sheldon says. Sturgis suggests he stay at East Texas Tech, which Sheldon considers. “Maybe deciding not to decide is the best decision I can decide.” As Sheldon declares he will stay, Sturgis tells him to stop. He and Linkletter talk about their qualms, leaving Sheldon confused. They declare they must do what’s best for Sheldon, consequences be damned. Finally, Sheldon asks them to explain what's going on. “Sheldon, you can't stay here”, John says. Why? “You've outgrown us”, Linkletter replies. “Me, literally”, John adds. Linkletter tells Sheldon he deserves the best education possible. “You're going to do great things, Sheldon”, Sturgis says, “And we're proud to have been a small part of your journey.” When Sheldon asks them where he should go, they’re split: Sturgis says Caltech, Linkletter says MIT.
As George and Mary watch football on TV, Sheldon walks into the den and announces he’s made his decision. George turns the TV off. “I'm going to MIT”, Sheldon declares. “I know what you're thinking”, Adult Sheldon narrates, “Wait for it”. Sheldon and George, wrapped up well, walk through the airport. “I'm so excited to visit MIT”, Sheldon says. “Me, too. Proud of you, son”, George replies. “Thank you, Dad”. As they step out of Boston Logan International Airport, the wind is howling and there's snow built up on the ground. “Caltech?”, Sheldon asks. “Caltech”, Georgie replies. “Told you”, Adult Sheldon adds.
In President Hagemeyer’s office, she, Dr. Sturgis, and Dr. Linkletter drown their sorrows. John insists they did everything they could to keep Sheldon, even begging him to stay. “I got down on my knees, and, well, John was already there”, Linkletter jokes. “I wore a cowboy hat and offered a scholarship to a baby”, Hagemeyer laments. Linkletter says she wins. John proposes a toast: “To our complete and utter lack of integrity.” “Hear, hear”, Hagemeyer and Linkletter agree.
