Mary Quotes

Quote from the episode A High-Pitched Buzz and Training Wheels

Mary: He can't deliver newspapers.
George Sr.: Why not?
Mary: It's too dangerous.
George Sr.: I think you're being a little overprotective.
Mary: You expect him to go riding around at 5:00 a.m. with cars and dogs and who knows what else?

Quote from the episode A High-Pitched Buzz and Training Wheels

George Sr.: I know you're worried, but he needs to experience the world a little bit. Why not let him do it when most of it's asleep?
Mary: I suppose you're right.
George Sr.: You coming back to bed?
Mary: Are you crazy? That's my little boy out there in the dark.
George Sr.: Mm, but your big boy's right here under the covers.
Mary: Urgh.
George Sr.: There is a nicer way to say that.

Quote from the episode Summer Sausage, a Pocket Poncho, and Tony Danza

George Sr.: Mmm. Good ratio of hot dog chunks to spaghetti.
Mary: I've been experimenting. Glad you noticed.

Quote from the episode Summer Sausage, a Pocket Poncho, and Tony Danza

Mary: Did you forget you have a daughter who would really benefit from having a good man to look up to? Oh, dear Lord. You did forget.

Quote from the episode Summer Sausage, a Pocket Poncho, and Tony Danza

George Sr.: Do I really need to get dressed up to go to Red Lobster?
Mary: You're getting dressed up for your daughter. And that's a new shirt, so be sure to ask for a bib.

Quote from the episode Summer Sausage, a Pocket Poncho, and Tony Danza

George Jr.: If it's just the two of us, why can't I eat watching TV?
Mary: 'Cause you're having dinner with your mother and it's a chance for us to talk.
George Jr.: Sheldon's having dinner and looking out the window.
Mary: Want me to have him join us?
George Jr.: No!
Mary: Then quit complaining.

Quote from the episode Summer Sausage, a Pocket Poncho, and Tony Danza

George Jr.: So what do you want to talk about?
Mary: Um, I don't know. How's school?
George Jr.: It's school, it's a turd fest.
Mary: Charming. Are you dating anyone?
George Jr.: Nah, nobody up to my standards.
Mary: Sure.
George Jr.: Can I ask you a question?
Mary: Course, you can ask me anything.
George Jr.: Were you pregnant with me when you married Dad?
Mary: Um, why would you ask that?
George Jr.: Sheldon said so.
Mary: How would Sheldon know?
George Jr.: He did the math.
Mary: What math?
George Jr.: He said the time between my birthday and your wedding day was six months.
Mary: Um, yeah. That's because you were born premature.
George Jr.: I've seen my birth certificate, it said I weighed nine pounds.
Mary: Yes, that's true. You were a big fat preemie. Let's talk about something else.
George Jr.: Why?
Mary: 'Cause I'd very much like to.

Quote from the episode A Dog, a Squirrel, and a Fish Named Fish

George Sr.: All right. Everyone's upset, it's late. Maybe we should drop this for tonight?
Herschel Sparks: That's a good idea.
Mary: Okay. You just keep your dog away from my son.
George Sr.: There you go picking it up again.
Mary: I am sorry, but their dog broke into our home. Something he probably learned from your brother.
Brenda Sparks: How dare you.
Herschel Sparks: Okay, I think that's a good stopping point.

Quote from the episode A Dog, a Squirrel, and a Fish Named Fish

Sheldon: Meemaw got punched in the face because of me.
Mary: No, that wasn't because of you, and for the record, your meemaw gets punched in the face all the time.

Quote from the episode A Dog, a Squirrel, and a Fish Named Fish

Mary: Baby, what's wrong?
Sheldon: I tried to pet Fish! Ah, he was so slimy!
Mary: Well, yeah, he's a fish.

Quote from the episode A Dog, a Squirrel, and a Fish Named Fish

Mary: She can cut her own crusts off.

Quote from the episode A Dog, a Squirrel, and a Fish Named Fish

Meemaw: Maybe having this mutt next door won't be so bad. Shelly could end up getting used to it.
George Sr.: That's true. Remember when he got all freaked out by the fruit at the bottom of yogurt? Now he eats it no problem.
Mary: He still makes me stir it.

Quote from the episode Gluons, Guacamole, and the Color Purple

Mary: And bless our appetites, both physical and spiritual, to honor You in all we do. In Jesus' name.
George Jr.: What happened to "Bless the hands that prepared it"?
Mary: I thought I'd mix it up.
George Jr.: I miss the old one.
Missy: Me, too.
George Sr.: Yeah, what I like about the other one-
Mary: And bless the hands that prepared it. Amen.

Quote from the episode Gluons, Guacamole, and the Color Purple

George Sr.: So, did you understand any of it?
Mary: Not a word. But he had on a tweed jacket with the elbow patches, so he must know what he's talking about.

Quote from the episode Gluons, Guacamole, and the Color Purple

Mary: They're not gonna be back for a while. Go to bed.
Sheldon: I won't be able to sleep.
Mary: I'm not telling you to go to sleep, I'm telling you to go to bed.
Sheldon: You don't think they'll have relations tonight, do you?
Mary: Now I'm telling you to go to sleep.

Quote from the episode Gluons, Guacamole, and the Color Purple

Mary: So, are you gonna see him again?
Meemaw: I don't know. He showed up at my house on a bike.
George Sr.: Like a Harley?
Meemaw: Like a Schwinn.
Mary: You mean a bike bike?
Meemaw: With a jingle bell on the handlebar and everything.
Mary: Well, that's kind of charming.
Meemaw: He doesn't know how to drive a car. Doesn't want to know.
Mary: Okay, a little less charming.

Quote from the episode A Mother, a Child, and a Blue Man's Backside

Mary: Excuse me. Did you sell this to my son?
Glenn: I don't know. Who's your son?
Mary: The little boy in the corner.
Glenn: Which one?
Mary: Sheldon Cooper.
Glenn: Oh. Yeah.
Mary: Look at him! He is the same size as one of the dolls you sell here.
Glenn: Those are action figures.

Quote from the episode A Mother, a Child, and a Blue Man's Backside

Sheldon: Mom, you're embarrassing me.
Mary: Oh, is that right? Well, guess what. I don't care. [to Glenn] And if I catch you doing it again, I'll be back with my husband, he is way scarier than me.
Glenn: I doubt that.

Quote from the episode A Mother, a Child, and a Blue Man's Backside

Mary: I don't understand why you'd even be interested in a book like that.
Sheldon: One of the characters is a scientist who worked on the Manhattan Project.
Mary: Well, it's filled with violence and nudity, and you are done looking at it.
Sheldon: But comics are a form of art. You wouldn't forbid me from looking at Michelangelo's David just because he's nude.
Mary: When a statue of your naked blue fella is on display at the Vatican, we'll talk.
Sheldon: Actually, David is at the Accademia Gallery in Florence.
Mary: Doesn't matter. I don't want you looking at his bottom either.

Quote from the episode A Mother, a Child, and a Blue Man's Backside

Sheldon: What are you doing?
Mary: Confiscating your comic books. You can have them back when you're 18.
Sheldon: You're taking Casper the Friendly Ghost?
Mary: Ghosts are sacrilegious. Nothing friendly about that.