Mary Quotes

Quote from the episode A Computer, a Plastic Pony, and a Case of Beer

Mary: It doesn't matter, Sheldon. We can't afford a computer.
Sheldon: Sure we can. It's only $998, and Dave says we can buy it on easy monthly payments.
Dave: That's true.
Mary: Stay out of this, Dave. Come on. We got to get home.
Sheldon: But-
Mary: Sheldon, I said no.
Dave: I can make you a good deal on the floor model, Mrs. Cooper.
Mary: Seriously, Dave, you're getting on my nerves.

Quote from the episode A Computer, a Plastic Pony, and a Case of Beer

George Sr.: I'm guessing we're not having our once-a-week.
Mary: Sorry, I only have relations with gentlemen I like.

Quote from the episode A Computer, a Plastic Pony, and a Case of Beer

George Sr.: Oh, come on. You know how I feel about your mother meddlin' in our finances.
Mary: She wasn't meddlin', she was offering to help. And that computer is not some silly toy. Sheldon could use it for his schoolwork, and I could use it to organize my recipes.
George Sr.: You already got 'em organized on those little cards.
Mary: Yeah, like a cave person.

Quote from the episode A Computer, a Plastic Pony, and a Case of Beer

George Sr.: We can't afford it, end of story.
Mary: Not exactly end of story.
George Sr.: What's that mean?
Mary: I've been setting money aside the last couple of years, and this might be a good use for it.
George Sr.: Money from what?
Mary: You know, here and there. Bookkeeping for the church, some seamstress work, birthday money from my Aunt Zelda.
George Sr.: And just how much of this "here and there" money you got saved up?
Mary: Well, seeing as it's my money, I don't think that's any of your business.
George Sr.: None of my business? You see every nickel I make, and you got secret money?
Mary: It's not secret. I just told you.
George Sr.: Where you hiding it?
Mary: Well, now you're headed into secret territory.

Quote from the episode A Computer, a Plastic Pony, and a Case of Beer

George Sr.: I'm glad we're not having our once-a-week 'cause I am not in the mood.
Mary: Really? That's too bad.
George Sr.: Why? Are you?
Mary: No!
George Sr.: That was uncalled for.

Quote from the episode A Computer, a Plastic Pony, and a Case of Beer

Meemaw: What's he got in there?
Mary: Everything.

Quote from the episode A Computer, a Plastic Pony, and a Case of Beer

Mary: Sheldon, we've talked about this. You don't need to announce to people how things smell.

Quote from the episode A Computer, a Plastic Pony, and a Case of Beer

Mary: These home computers are amazing. I could start a real bookkeeping business with that thing.
Meemaw: And that would go a long way to giving you the financial independence you're looking for.
Mary: Darn tootin'.

Quote from the episode Demons, Sunday School, and Prime Numbers

Mary: Hey, guys, I brought snacks.
Sheldon: Thanks, Mom.
Mary: What are y'all playing, Chutes and Ladders?
Sheldon: Tam is teaching us Dungeons & Dragons.
Mary: Oh.
Sheldon: We're on a quest to find the pitchfork of a devil named Baalzebul.
Billy Sparks: I'm Fire Beak.
Mary: And is this the devil?
Tam: No, he's just a monster who doesn't wear pants.
Mary: Oh, I see. Yes, oh, he's just hanging right out there, isn't he? Okay, well You kids have fun.

Quote from the episode Demons, Sunday School, and Prime Numbers

Mary: Shelly, I'm so happy you're taking an interest in religion.
Sheldon: I am. And I've decided to explore other religions, too.
Mary: What's this, now?
Sheldon: Pastor Jeff encouraged me to approach religion scientifically, so it only makes sense to enlarge my database.
Mary: No, your database is Baptist. That's all the data you need. Baptist data.