Mary Quotes

Quote from the episode Jiu-jitsu, Bubble Wrap, and Yoo-hoo

Brenda Sparks: You know what? I have been nothin' but nice to you and your family since the day y'all moved in, and I'm over it. Watching you walk around all holier than thou, like you're better than everyone else. Well, guess what, you're not.
Mary: I'm gonna pray for you!

Quote from the episode A Perfect Score and a Bunsen Burner Marshmallow

Radio: "So far away, Doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore?"
Mary: Shut up, Carole King.

Quote from the episode Rockets, Communists, and the Dewey Decimal System

George Sr.: What?
Mary: These gentlemen are with the FBI. They want to talk to Sheldon.
George Sr.: What? Y-You fellas must have made a mistake. Sheldon's nine.
FBI Agent #2: Well, someone living at this address recently called a mining operation in Canada and tried to buy uranium.
Mary: Okay, maybe it's not a mistake.

Quote from the episode A Party Invitation, Football Grapes and an Earth Chicken

Mary: Well, I'm not trying to be mean here either, but you are behaving very unneighborly.
Brenda Sparks: [scoffs] That was mean?
Mary: You're darn tootin'.
Brenda Sparks: Tootin'?
Mary: Tootin'!

Quote from the episode Carbon Dating and a Stuffed Raccoon

Mary: Really? It was his first attempt at taxidermy. He was so proud.
Meemaw: If it has sentimental value to you, I'll let you have it for five dollars.
Mary: Ooh. For this nasty thing?

Quote from the episode A High-Pitched Buzz and Training Wheels

George Sr.: I know you're worried, but he needs to experience the world a little bit. Why not let him do it when most of it's asleep?
Mary: I suppose you're right.
George Sr.: You coming back to bed?
Mary: Are you crazy? That's my little boy out there in the dark.
George Sr.: Mm, but your big boy's right here under the covers.
Mary: Urgh.
George Sr.: There is a nicer way to say that.

Quote from the episode A Nuclear Reactor and a Boy Called Lovey

Mary: Aw, baby, everything all right?
George Jr.: I don't want to talk about it.
Mary: You might feel better if you do. Is it about a girl?
George Jr.: How do you know?
Mary: Sometimes a mother can sense these things.

Quote from the episode A Sneeze, Detention, and Sissy Spacek

Mary: Sheldon, why are you still up?
Sheldon: We're all gonna die! This isn't funny.
Mary: I know, baby, I know. But you need to understand that sometimes the news says those things just to scare people.

Quote from the episode A Sneeze, Detention, and Sissy Spacek

Mary: Come here. I know you don't believe in this, but I'm gonna do it anyway. Lord, I pray for my son Sheldon that you protect him from all illness and disease, and keep him healthy and keep him safe, and protect him from his head to his toes, inside and out. Amen.
Sheldon: You're right. I don't believe in that. But it did feel good. Thanks.
Mary: In the Bible, that's called a hedge of protection.

Quote from the episode A Party Invitation, Football Grapes and an Earth Chicken

Missy: "Dear Sheldon and Missy, thank you for coming to my party. I liked playing with Mr. Spock and watching Missy throw up Kool-Aid in the bushes." Still tasted like cherry. "My mother also threw up, but that was because of wine. My dad says she drinks because"-
Mary: Okay, that's nice.
Missy: But there's more.
Mary: No, there's not.
Sheldon: Guess we'll never know why she drinks.

Quote from the episode A Sneeze, Detention, and Sissy Spacek

Meemaw: Look at that. St. Mary drinking alcohol.
Mary: God saw what just happened. He gets it.

Quote from the episode A Rival Prodigy and Sir Isaac Neutron

Mary: He loves being organised.
George Sr.: Boy, does he. We can't go to the grocery store without him making sure that all the labels are facing the right way.
Mary: Oh, the stock boys there are always so happy to see him.
Linda: [LAUGHING] That's adorable.
George Sr.: Well, it wasn't adorable when we redid our shower and he wouldn't use it 'cause two of the tiles were crooked.
Mary: He took baths in the sink until we got it fixed.

Quote from the episode David, Goliath and a Yoo-hoo from the Back

Mary: What on Earth did you say to Missy?
Meemaw: Why? What'd she do now?
Mary: Nothing, she was an angel. I dropped her off at school, and she hugged me in front of her friends.
Meemaw: Really?
Mary: And not just any friends. Heather M. was there, and that is a big deal.
Meemaw: I just gave her a little life advice.
Mary: Like what?
Meemaw: Nothing, just grandma stuff.
Mary: There you go again, being the good guy.
Meemaw: Mary, you need to know you're doing a fantastic job with those kids.
Mary: You really mean that?
Meemaw: I really do.
Mary: Thanks. I can't remember the last time someone said I was a good mom.
Meemaw: It's not a job that gets a lot of compliments.

Quote from the episode Teenager Soup and a Little Ball of Fib

Mary: Okay, calm down. Now, you listen to me, you shouldn't have lied. It's always wrong. But you made up for it by telling me the truth.
Sheldon: So, you forgive me?
Mary: I do, but I need you to do me a favor. As far as your father is concerned, you were sick.
Sheldon: Isn't that lying?
Mary: Honestly? No.

Quote from the episode Potato Salad, a Broomstick, and Dad's Whiskey

Mary: God, please give me the strength to not spread this juicy gossip about Pastor Jeff.

Quote from the episode A Crisis of Faith and Octopus Aliens

Mary: I pray that you protect Sheldon in all that he does.
Sheldon: What are you doing?
Mary: I'm praying for you.
Sheldon: She needs it more than I do.
Mary: You think I didn't start with her?

Quote from the episode Pilot

Sheldon: I'll go with you, Mom.
Missy: Why are you going? You don't believe in God.
Sheldon: No, but I believe in Mom.
Mary: I'll take it.

Quote from the episode A Solar Calculator, a Game Ball, and a Cheerleader's Bosom

George Sr.: You think Sheldon's right?
Mary: About what?
George Sr.: The punting and the math.
Mary: I should think so. He's been doing our taxes since he's six years old. We never been audited.
George Sr.: That's true.
Mary: He even got us that nice refund last year.

Quote from the episode Dolomite, Apple Slices, and a Mystery Woman

Mary: I hope you'll forgive me, I just wanted to meet the person driving my nine-year-old son to Houston.
Libby: I understand.
Tam: Me, too.
Mary: I wasn't talking to you, Tam.

Quote from the episode A Loaf of Bread and a Grand Old Flag

Mary: Mary Cooper, how may I bless you?
Sheldon: Hello, Mom?
Mary: Sheldon? Everything okay?
Sheldon: No.
Mary: What's wrong? What happened?
Sheldon: My sandwich tastes different.
Mary: You know you're not supposed to call unless it's an emergency.
Sheldon: I'm well aware. So what did you change?
Mary: I didn't change anything. Same bread, same peanut butter, same jelly.
Sheldon: Did you use one knife for the PB and the J?
Mary: No.
Sheldon: Are you sure?
Mary: That was one time two years ago, and all the other knives were dirty.
Sheldon: It was 14 months and 11 days ago. When we made the big switch from Wonder Bread.
Mary: Oh, how could I forget?