Mary Quotes
Quote from the episode A Slump, a Cross and Roadside Gravel
Mary: I have something for you. You said you wanted a cross, and this is the one I used to wear when I was your age.
Missy: It's so pretty.
Mary: I'm glad you like it. It's a nice reminder that wherever you are, God is always with you. And it means a lot to me that you want to wear it.
Quote from the episode A Slump, a Cross and Roadside Gravel
Missy: This is too complicated. I'm just gonna keep rubbing this thing on my bat and kicking butt.
Mary: Okay, that is it. Take it off.
Missy: No, I need it. The game's Saturday.
Mary: There are more important things than baseball. Now, hand it over.
Missy: God, cover your ears. Damn it.
Mary: Missy Cooper! You are not ready for that. You give that back. Oh, you... Get!
Quote from the episode A Slump, a Cross and Roadside Gravel
Mary: "Lord, I really need you right now. I have tried so hard to lead my family to your light, but so far, Sheldon doesn't believe in you, Missy thinks you're a magic trick, and you're not a teenage girl, so Georgie doesn't think about you at all. I never thought I'd take a cross away from my own child, but what choice did I have? She was rubbing it on sporting equipment. I didn't think there was a wrong way to pray, but leave it to that girl to find one. Please give me the strength to keep guiding my family to you. I can't do it on my own. Amen."
Quote from the episode A Slump, a Cross and Roadside Gravel
Meemaw: Oh, come on. How can I appreciate all this tension if I don't know what it's about?
Missy: Mom took my cross away, and I have a game on Saturday.
George Sr.: Why would you do that? She's out of the slump.
Mary: She was being sacrilegious.
George Sr.: Mary, this is sports. When something's working, you do not mess with it.
Mary: I am not changing my mind. God is not a good-luck charm.
Meemaw: Well, how about all the players that kiss their crosses before they go in the batter's box?
Mary: They can take it up with their mommies.
George Sr.: So she's finally hitting good, and you're gonna let her go to that game all up in her head?
Mary: Her relationship with God is more important than getting some hits in a baseball game.
Quote from the episode A Slump, a Cross and Roadside Gravel
George Sr.: Mary, give her the cross back.
Mary: When she is ready for it, I will.
Meemaw: I have a bunch of crosses in my jewelry box. You can take any one you want.
Missy: I don't want another cross. I want my lucky cross.
Mary: And that is exactly why she is not ready.
Quote from the episode A Boyfriend's Ex-Wife and a Good Luck Head Rub
Mary: What's going on?
Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis is forcing us to collaborate.
Mary: Oh.
Sam: And we wanted to get it done tonight, but apparently there's a bedtime and shower conflict.
Sheldon: Bubble bath.
Mary: Oh, right, it's bath night.
Quote from the episode A Boyfriend's Ex-Wife and a Good Luck Head Rub
Mary: I brought you some coffee.
Sam: You don't have to keep waiting on us.
Mary: I'm sorry, is there a problem?
Sam: I'm just frustrated.
Mary: Is it Sheldon?
Sam: It's Sheldon and Keith and every other guy in our field, which is basically everyone. There were only three other women and one of them just dropped out to get married.
Mary: Oh, good for her. O-Or bad, bad for science, bad for women.
Sam: None of the guys in my class take me seriously, and honestly, it doesn't help when women like you run around doing their laundry and making them snacks.
Mary: I'm just being a good host.
Sam: Yeah, and raising another boy to think that all women are just notetakers and mommies.
Mary: I'm sorry I'm making life so hard for you. And for your information, Sheldon does not look down on women, he looks down on everyone.
Quote from the episode A Boyfriend's Ex-Wife and a Good Luck Head Rub
Mary: I understand that you want to be appreciated for what you do, but so do I. This is my home and taking care of my family is the choice that I've made, and I am proud to do it.
Sam: Okay.
Mary: It is okay. And I am sorry if me baking cookies says something bad about women, but if you think that Sheldon is difficult to work with now, you should try him with low blood sugar, he is a monster.
Quote from the episode Pasadena
Mary: Why doesn't he tell me anything?
George Sr.: When you were a teenager, did you tell your parents stuff?
Mary: Well, no.
George Sr.: Then why do you expect him to?
Mary: 'Cause I'm a cool, fun mom.
George Sr.: [snickers]
Quote from the episode Pasadena
George Jr.: If the point is you made some bad decisions and turned out fine, then why you being so hard on me?
Mary: Because some decisions you cannot walk away from and they will affect the rest of your life.
George Jr.: If you're talkin' about Jana getting pregnant, she ain't gonna.
Mary: That is what I thought, and the next thing I know, I'm at the courthouse gettin' married.
George Jr.: You got married because you were pregnant?
Mary: Yes.
George Jr.: So, I was a mistake?
Mary: No! No! You are a blessin'. The mistake was lyin' to my parents, so that I could spend the night at your dad's house. And, you know, tequila.
Quote from the episode An Academic Crime and a More Romantic Taco Bell
Mary: I brought veggies and ranch.
Brenda Sparks: That's nice. But when I said "snacks," I mean wine.
Mary: Oh.
Brenda Sparks: Don't worry. I got plenty of emergency snacks.
Quote from the episode An Academic Crime and a More Romantic Taco Bell
Brenda Sparks: All right, let's get to this. We're coming up on the end of the season. Who wants to handle the team cookout?
Meredith: Got it.
Brenda Sparks: Thank you, Meredith. Team picture day?
Carla: That's me.
Brenda Sparks: Carla, you're a gem. Mary, that leaves you in charge of trophies. Any questions?
Mary: Actually...
Brenda Sparks: Snack time! [uncorks wine]
Mary: There's also, uh, veggies.
Quote from the episode An Academic Crime and a More Romantic Taco Bell
Mary: Morning. I need to order some baseball trophies.
Ralph: Baseball's over there.
Mary: So many choices.
Ralph: Mm-hmm.
Mary: You should win a trophy for the most trophies.
Ralph: Mm. [clears throat]
Mary: [quietly] Maybe not the trophy for customer service.
Quote from the episode An Academic Crime and a More Romantic Taco Bell
Mary: I noticed that there are no baseball trophies with girls on them.
Ralph: Girls don't play baseball.
Mary: Actually, my daughter does.
Ralph: Oh. Good for her.
Mary: And some of the girls might like a trophy with a girl on it.
Ralph: Well, then they'll be very disappointed.
Mary: You know what? I'm gonna take my business elsewhere.
Ralph: Oh, no.
Mary: And you should win a trophy for being such a sourpuss!
Quote from the episode An Academic Crime and a More Romantic Taco Bell
Mary: Look, the only girl trophies are for cheerleading, soccer and golf.
George Sr.: So buy Missy a golf trophy and tell her it's a skinny bat.
Mary: George. That poor girl has been watching her brother win awards since he was three years old. I'd like for her first one to be special.
George Sr.: 'Cause you think it may also be her last one?
Mary: I didn't say that.
George Sr.: But you thought it.
Mary: [sighs] Yeah.
Quote from the episode An Academic Crime and a More Romantic Taco Bell
Mary: Hello. Remember me?
Ralph: Ah, I thought you were gonna take your business elsewhere.
Mary: Well, lucky for you, I believe in second chances. Now, I know that you don't have girl baseball trophies in stock, but could you have one made special?
Ralph: Sure.
Mary: Great.
Ralph: A custom mold is 50 bucks, and it takes six weeks.
Mary: I'm not paying you $50 for a trophy. And I don't have six weeks.
Ralph: Well, does your daughter look like a horse? Maybe she'd like this.
Quote from the episode An Academic Crime and a More Romantic Taco Bell
Mary: The point is you deserve to be recognized appropriately for everything you've accomplished.
Missy: You can't give that to me in front of all the boys.
Mary: Why?
Missy: It's embarrassing.
Mary: Well, we have plenty of time. I can make the head smaller or the body bigger or a little bit of both.
Quote from the episode A Couple Bruised Ribs and a Cereal Box Ghost Detector
Mary: [on the phone] Well, you can't bring her home to an empty apartment. Bring her here, and we'll look after her until she's back on her feet.
George Sr.: You sure?
Mary: Of course. We'll set her up in Georgie's room.
George Sr.: Thanks, Mare. See you in a bit.
Mary: Hey, George. It's real nice of you, taking care of her like this.
George Sr.: Well, it was kinda my fault.
Mary: Kinda? It was all your fault.
George Sr.: Bye.
Quote from the episode A House for Sale and Serious Woman Stuff
Mary: Well, I'm sure there are lots of wonderful houses out there. I'd be happy to help you look.
Pastor Jeff: Do you not want us to look at the one next to you?
Mary: Oh, no, of course not. You should absolutely look at it. As well as other houses.
Pastor Jeff: I have to say, this isn't the reaction I was expecting.
Mary: No, it is the reaction you were expecting. [chuckles] Excited that my boss might live next door to me. Yay!
Pastor Jeff: Well, my boss lives everywhere, and you don't see me getting weird about it.
Quote from the episode A House for Sale and Serious Woman Stuff
Mary: [praying] Lord, I am trying my best. Please help me with this situation. Amen. [sees a "love thy neighbor" stitching on a pillow] I meant fix him, not me.
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